mono

why do i gotta be a pattern finder . Wish i could be Not mentally ill that would be Awesome

it is a problem i have always had tbh due to childhood experiences & generalized trauma. i perceive kindness as forced & i view near enough any non-negative thing i do as simply lying to people And this is becoming especially more fucking troubling now due to my ex + me no longer being single

i just feel like i'm becoming my ex i hate ti i hate ti I hate it |I fucking Hate it i

something something working retail -> i lie a lot because i have to mask autism & mask emotions something something i feel like i kinda just lie constantly like it's my default state of being something something i cannot express my true feelings blah blah i dont got the energy for this shit

"fgbc hfvat gjvggre" zrnaf gb fgbc hfvat gjvggre.

maybe i'm just being petty but it does really get to me that people can have an account here & actively know how bad the other one is, yet still fucking use it oh my god

qnza vg'f nyzbfg yvxr pbagvahvat gb hfr gur ab tbbq rivy fvgr bcrengrq ol gur thl jub znqr zrpunuvgyre vfa'g n tbbq vqrn!
vg'f nyzbfg yvxr zbfg crbcyr ba gurer gurfr qnlf ner fyvzr!
ubj vf trggvat zber genpgvba orggre guna orvat shpxvat unenffrq whfg orpnhfr lbh qner abg or n pvfurg juvgr thl?

promise i'll stfu about this.

it's not That Bad i'm just getting whiplash from going from "neet life in bedroom talking to friends" to "working retail and being overwhelmed because everything is too loud and busy and falling to pieces" third fucking year there and it is identical to when i started they still havent fixed shit

i don't even have the energy to go back to sleep i'm kinda just Here listening to music with my brain turned off

"you should at least sleep a bit better tonight" aha yeah sure tell that to the three fucking hours i got.

gotta do the closing shift tonight with no rest yippee!!!!!!!

i didn't have a breakdown during my break. i didn't seriously consider quitting. i am still able to do this job. i am mentally sound. i am phfucking fine I am fine i need a paper bag to fuckin hyperventilate into or some shit dude fguhg7vncrui

i'm smiling. it's fine. it's fine. i'm smling. i wouldn't smile if it wasn't fine. i'm not scared. i'm smiling. i do not want to go back to sleep. i do not want to skip work and hide from the world. i am smiling. things feel horribly okay. the past 2 days have not been weird. i am fine. i am smiling

just saw an image of a dog that looked rather similar to mine and guh i don't know how to process whatever emotion this is

it's been over a year but sometimes i still expect him to be here

being employed again is already having a negative effect on me lol

dissociating rn and i wanna just sleep it off but if i do that i'll wake up too early & end up being really tired when at work

there is nothing i want to do :\

a few hours removed from whatever episode i just had and like. wow i really did just have some real fucking revelations all because i was listening to a u/t/y track and autism projected a lot

Lol

i looked back at the last time she contacted me and honestly i just laughed. such a pathetic fucking worm

did some reflection and honestly i feel like i can maybe actually fix some of the damage my ex caused me

slow road to recovery, yada yada, but still. i think i have the determination to try to fix myself

really hope mom figures out where the fuck her money's going considering i think this has been the worst month we've had in quite a while regarding finances good god

i just want to be able to do things with my partner while having a stable fucking internet connection. please.

i love them so much, dude. feels weird smiling as much as i have been throughout this year, especially after we started dating

i do need to learn to lower my guard more, though. unintentionally far too closed off, even toward them

hell yeah. gotta love the "display random shit" style visors lol

wish there was a polite way to signal "this is a pointless, meaningless conversation. stop talking to me." irl

i got shit to do!! stop yapping at me about work gossip!!!

also fuck man i dunno if i didn't cook them properly or if mom lied about them only being a few months old but i had some chicken burgers earlier and my stomach is in pieces

i start work tomorrow, man. i have shit to do to prepare!! but im just laying in bed in mild discomfort/pain

i wonder what it's like to live without a constant level of fear/stress/anxiety

i wonder how being normal is

the one you reposted yesterday with the 3 mugs and the very clearly labelled "they/them" for s3am and kr1s

friend who misgenders kr1s/ch4ra/fr1sk/c10ver liked the pronoun meme

Dude you literally misgender 2 of the characters in the post. D ude

o ju znotq atjkxzgrk ekrruc cgy znk tgor ot znk iullot. jkrzgxatk oy laiqotm gckyusk jut'z mkz sk cxutm haz aze vxubojkj ekz gtuznkx azjx znotm zu hk gazoyzoi ubkx gtj oz'y iaxxktzre roqk se lgbuxozk znotm o znotq. jklotozkre ktjkj av zgqotm znk yvgik zuanua vxkbouayre uiiavokj

haz ekgn. o yzorr roqk zn gtj o qtuc ol o ju g jkkv jobk otzu oz gmgot o'rr mkz ruyz ot oz gtj rubk oz gmgot. haz se otzkxkyz ngy hkkt cgtotm lux waozk yusk zosk iay o ju znotq o igt utre ngbk utk sgot lodgzout gz g zosk. znk suxk ruyz ot znk azejx ygaik o mkz, znk rkyy zn hxgotkj o mkz

utk ul se kdky cgy xkgrre az hxgotkj hgiq cnkt ck ckxk ot nomnyinuur. znke jxkc grvnetk gxz gtj ynuckj sk oz ot vkxyut gz yusk vuotz. znoy cgy vxk in2 o hkrokbk gtj qotjg jaxotm se "uqge azjx oy ixotmk" vngyk jkyvozk ngbotm rubkj az gtj in1. cutjkx nuc znke'xk juot / nuc znke lkkr ghz in3/4

cnoin qotjg. xkyvgxqkj grr znoy. ojq se vuotz oy payz, znkxk'y yu sain kgyore giikyyohrk azejx yzall zngz yixgzinky grr znk ozinky o cgtz oz zu, gtj kbkx yotik mkzzotm hgiq otzu znk ykxoky oz'y hkkt mkzzotm kgyokx t kgyokx zu payz. otjarmk ot zngz. xgznkx zngt gteznotm zn xkrgzkj.

lattore ktuamn cnkt jx in3/4 ckxk gttuatikj o cgy qotjg otjollkxktz. o ngj larre lgrrkt uazzg znk ruuv yotik roqk 2022 ux 2023. o znotq o cgy cge suxk kdiozkj gz znk vxuyvkiz ul zn20 zngt o cgy in3/4. haz o yvktz znk ckkq ux zcu rkgjotm av zu znk xkrkgyk c/ geg gtj skxxe gtj xkvrgeotm znk mgsk

o znotq o qotjg payz. igttuz ngbk ykbkxgr iutiaxxktz otzkxkyzy? sus ygey o ngbk gt uhykyyobk vkxyutgroze gtj o yzorr xklazk zngz irgos haz ynk oy vxuhghre iuxxkiz. gtj o znotq oz gvvroky nkxk zuu. zuanua cgy rozkxgrre Znk Utre Znotm o mgbk g jgst ghuaz ot 2024. o cxuzk ghuaz oz tkgxre jgore.