Greeneville Zoo

A monster of vaguely anthropoid outline with tentacled head, scaly body, rudimentary wings and prodigious claws, a form which only a diseased fancy could conceive. This October, only at Greeneville Zoo!

The White House finally released the Harambe Files. As he lay dying, his caretaker says he signed the following.

"Death is but the next great adventure, but I don't know what I fear more, to descend to a hell of swans or ascend to a heaven of meerkats."

We are not affiliated with Greenpeace. Whoever put their logo on our website, please take it off.

Exactly

Contrary to myth, it's not bacteria that makes Komodo Dragons' mouths so dangerous. It's their biting sarcasm.

We already have a goat that can't hit 3's

For Halloween, we're celebrating our masked animals: raccoons, red pandas, and that one gibbon who won’t take off the rubber Nixon mask, no matter how often we ask.

Well duh

We also hate to spread gossip, but we heard that all of Redville's ticket sales fund a laundromat that burned down 5 years ago.

Stop by the gift shop to check out our cool new merch. We are saving up to buy a rhinoceros.

Goodbye Zak

Dave's busy downing a bowl of soup

We were needlessly worried all day about one of our red pandas not eating. We had no idea Dave is Jewish.

This Halloween, the vampire bats would like to remind you that their culture is not your costume.

The chimpanzees are wearing black armbands to commemorate the passing of Jane Goodall. The anteaters are wearing bedazzled jeans because they have terrible fashion sense.

Did You Know? Within hours of birth, baby weasels can locomote, kill prey and commit identity theft.

A Sea Cucumber vomiting through its anus

FYI, The Sea Cucumber breathes through its anus and deals with a lot of stress considering it pretty much just lies on the sea floor and eats sediment. Stress responses include vomiting through its butt (pictured) and spewing and then regenerating internal organs.

TBD

Speaking of a room full of people politely staring but not responding, we're canceled our Monday night lecture series on "The Life Cycle Of The Sea Cucumber-Nature's Headless Hot Dog"

Outstanding

Outstanding suggestions are pouring in

Pls help us name our new gift shop birding book. The ornithologists are stuck on “Toucan Play This Game” and our publisher's already rejected “Flock You, Seagulls"

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No we don't stash our weed in the kangaroo’s pouch—that's her weed.

Please don't pet it. Or eat it

Our scientists can’t clone dinosaurs like in Jurassic Park, but they did clone something that looks like an Ewok crossed with a blueberry cobbler.

We want to congratulate Redville management on the vaccination program that protects their animals from Redville's children.

Giraffes likely developed purple tongues to protect from the sun's harmful rays. Another theory is they were chewing on a pen.

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