Many people said it would be reckless and dangerous to build a Disney like Jungle Cruise but with real animals. Those people were right.
ZOO FACT:
The Giant Panda is difficult to breed in captivity but less so than the Whooping Crane. Their cycles are predictable, but the whooping is such a mood killer.
The howling you hear at the moon isn't coming from the wolf den. Our intern Todd is a goth.
We got a deal on used owls. Their heads don’t turn all the way around, but we equipped them with tiny neck braces and they seem happy.
We apologize that the aquatic bird house and sea bird aviary is just a seagull pecking at a cigarette and a bag of chips but we're still fighting a lawsuit from when our egret bit a kid.
He's still lying there.
👏
OSHA? we adhere to OSH**T
R.I.P. gorilla habitat intern Mario, crushed by a flying wooden barrel.
Harambe's face appeared on a scratching post. The gorilla habitat is closed while we seek confirmation of a miracle.
To: All Staff
Subject: Marketing
We've rebranded the Murder Hornets as the Buzz Kills™️
Please note updated signage in the apiaries.
The lemurs can take care of themselves
The lions, tigers, wolves, bears, rhinos, leopards, and chimps got out. We don't really have a plan but we're confident it'll be ok.
Delete your account
YOU'RE TELLING US A MINK STOLE A JACKET?
Get your tickets for the launch party of our brand new Takin habitat, “Look Who’s Takin!”
NOT TODAY
Please don't ask the penguins to dance. They're not in the mood today.
If your child falls into the gorilla enclosure you’re gonna need a new child. We only have the one gorilla.
Their bonobo was just trying to gtfo of Redville.
Greeneville isn’t just a zoo, it's also a rehab center. We’re weaning the meerkats off fermented berries.
Yeah. What's wrong with you?
Imagine two cows having sex. Now imagine them wearing tiny hats. What's wrong with you?
The lemur is an Eagles fan and you must be ok with that.
It's free, but you must accept the totality of the lemur, including the disgusting grooming rituals.
They have a groundhog that can predict the weather?
Big deal.
We have a lemur that can help you live an authentic life.
When one of our animals loses its shit, we hit them with a tranq dart until they calm down.
#SOTU
We have an existential hippo
The Aquatic Sensory Deprivation Tank Experience has been discontinued since one of our hippos freaked out and saw God.
Our antelope herd has gotten bigger than planned. Come teach your children about death this Wednesday.
