jr 🌿

So you were lazy and flaky and I had to be the one to explicitly ask if you were even interested to get a straight answer and now I’m watching your lame stories like you’re a celebrity? Unacceptable

I get it if we went on a few dates in early 2024 and it didn’t go anywhere and you want to unfollow me on Instagram, that’s fine, but it’s absolute psycho behaviour not to also click the thing that removes me as a follower of you

When I have to spend money on something boring I offset it by spending money on something fun. Like and subscribe for more personal finance advice

reminder:

I ended up getting my money back AND I’ve had a neat little anecdote to tell to about four different groups of people. Getting robbed is cool!

at the pewl

Quietly relieved the AFL team I nominally support got eliminated from the finals because the fan base are so embarrassing and lame

Scammers know how to spend my money better than I do, so who am I to judge

Someone spent $484 on my card at a seafood market in California overnight and all I can think of is how good a big seafood feast would be

The sharpest object in the world is my dog’s little elbows digging into my ribs

I went to a gay thing last night and kissed 4000 men

I witnessed a dazzling meteor and didn’t fully believe that I had until the News said it happened

Cancelled my Age subscription because they were charging me $26 a month and the thing that sent me over the edge was a fucking Chip Le Grand article

I have terrible anxiety at night that stops me sleeping from 2-5am and I’m ready to try whatever it was that killed Heath Ledger

My mum told me a story recently about how she only got one birthday party as a kid, when she was seven, and when the time came for the cake she somehow didn’t get a piece. I’m working on bringing back my dead grandma so I can physically fight her

Thinking about touching the hot stove again, maybe this time will be different

really hate even talking about him at all but I think the entire obscenity would be about 30% less glaringly awful for me if he stopped wearing the stupid fucking red hat while doing president things

Landed a really clever pun in a work teams chat, taking the rest of the day off

Bluesky will not spiritually inherit Twitter if it keeps putting warning labels on quite tame thirsty photos

Who’s here

I have decided that being reserved and ironic on dating apps is out and stating clearly and directly what you want and what is on your mind are in

Did the friendship just die then? It’s such strange behaviour

Experienced a situation the other day where some people I was hanging out with socially made plans amongst each other for something else at another time that didn’t include me right in front of me. A bit of decorum here, please

You go out for a bike ride and the bloomin’ Pope dies

If you ever find me in the bowels of a heavily guarded laboratory, peacefully suspended in a large tube of bubbling liquid, please mind your own business.

It’s hot and windy and everything’s shut and the vibes are simply atrocious today. I cannot be the only one who feels this

RSVPing to a wedding invite with thanks but unfortunately I don’t go to weddings 💝 like I’m a conscientious objector

Imagine being able to have one night out drinking without at some point experiencing a wave of melancholy and leaving without saying anything

decided that whatever’s going on with my super is none of my business ❤️

I need my body to decide between either chronic back pain or psychosis-inducing insomnia because it simply cannot be both