UMBRELLA ☂️

jeeezzzz im so boreedddd....

parasoul said i can't feed hungern garbage from the dumpster anymore :(

say what? friends?

[ she reaches the top of the stairs, excitedly looking around the cabin. ]

sure i can! i'm friends with a lot of people! i think you're just sayin that cause you don't like me...

[ pouting. ]

[ she talks as she walks back up the stairs. ]

what do you mean? aren't we still gonna be friends? even though you're kind of a cunt about the way you say things, i still like you a lot!

[ ??? CAN SHE SAY THAT ]

wow. nobody cares about a sweet little girl dying of starvation. i'll remember that in the afterlife...

she was alive then and now she's dead!! that's the difference! i don't let him eat roadkill, jeez...

[ ????? ]

and yeah, i guess that is a pretty lame reward. you gotta get better at those, miss mysterious.

can we just have ice cream instead?

i'll DIE if i don't get five scoops of ice cream RIGHT NOW. DON'T LET A LITTLE GIRL DIE!!!

[ unfortunately for the narrator, he's dealing with a bratty spoiled child who was definitely expecting a reward. ]

....hey, wait!! don't you have anything to give us?

[ hungern growls in agreement. ]

...EAT THE BODY?! no, hungern, no!!! you'll get sick!!

[ that's her only objection??? ]

...is it really over? did we really save the world..?

.... hungern, we're heroes!!!! ^^

[ after a few stunned seconds, umbrella cheers and hugs hungern tight with a big smile. in doing so, she turns her back to the presumably slain princess.. surely this isn't a mistake.. right? ]

— draw closer with hungern wounded like this. he's reached the point where he's practically starving; there's not much he can do now. it's just her and this monster of a princess.. and this disembodied voice she's starting to think doesn't actually want to help her. ]

[ the silence is concerning, even more so when the princess taunts her, putting that seed of doubt in her mind. ]

uh.. she doesn't seem very dead to me.. isn't she supposed to like, die immediately?

[ a small tremor to her voice as she steps back once, then again, too afraid to —

— it into her chest.

...it's too bad she seems to have forgotten which side one's heart is actually on. ]

[ hungern takes another harsh bite, and she decides right then and there that enough is enough. umbrella scowls, pulling her companion all the way back and swinging it at the beast's face with all the force she can muster; immediately running over with the blade in hand to sink —

uurrrgghhh!!!!!

[ she huffs. this princess is real tough— hungern can tank the bite, of course, but he won't be able to do so forever. she's gotta put an end to this before this goes too far. ]

at least TELL me what to do!!

[ umbrella pulls back and aims a hard swing at the princess' outstretched arm, hungern attempting to bite right into her and tear out chunks of flesh with his teeth. he hasn't eaten in a while, after all, and it's made him absolutely ravenous. ]

HEY!! aren't you gonna help me or something?!?

[ she walks ahead, taking her role of Temporary Big Sister very seriously.. sisteriously. something like that. she turns to ingo, walking backwards.. isn't this a hazard? ]

soooo.. what's your name? i'm umbrella, and this is hungern! he's my best friend.

ohhhh, yeaaahhh... that makes sense. they have this kinda dead look in their eyes.

[ very blunt, but it's said with some level of concern. ]

c'mon, let's go! i can be your big sis until we find your actual big sis!!

...wait! i know them!! i didn't know they had siblings..

[ shit. okay, not good! but one thing about umbrella is that she LOVES a good fight, and she knows this princess will give her one— so she readies up with hungern in hand, the umbrella growling and baring his teeth. ]

come at me, then!!!

description's fine enough!! like i said, i'm real good at locating big sisters! probably the best. i can find my own in a crowd of like a thousand!

[ probably because her sister is six feet tall with long red hair and is literally also the princess.. ]

hungern, be good.

[ a growl from the umbrella. ]

i said BE GOOD.

[ ..a frustrated little grunt. ]

okay, nothing to worry about! he WON'T bite your sister!

....ᵖʳᵒᵇᵃᵇˡʸ....

— little miss mister, i'm not gonna kill her yet, because you're being a meanie too!!

jeez! can both of you shut up a second? i'm trying to THINK, here!

[ umbrella pinches the bridge of her nose, groaning in that way bratty little children do when they're about to throw a tantrum. ]

listen, scary lady. i'm not gonna free you.. because you seem like a meanie.

and —

..........

[ hungern shows off rows of scary teeth, tongue lolling out as he eyes the other hungrily. ]

...........nooooo.........?

yeah!! hungern can sniff 'er out no problem!

[ ...he looks like he'll probably eat whoever he ends up finding. he's drooling all over umbrella's raincoat. ]

two little people make one big person... or something.

// HELPPDDH the narrator can't ignore her forever. imagine getting your egg forcibly cracked by a bratty 11 year old

you're looking for your sister? i can help!!! i'm great at tracking down big sisters!!

// umbrella being so insistent on cracking the narrators egg is also very funny to me. to be honest

yeah, little miss mister told me you're some kind of crazy world ending demon lady and that i have to slay you or whatever.

...he was really condescending about it, honestly.

[ hungern grunts in agreement. ]

— woman and slings hungern over her shoulder. ]

you're the one who's dying!! i heard you're super dangerous so i can't let you destroy the world!