Milkshakes sound like a symptom of lactose intolerance.
But why can't I be known as the log lady?
My favorite thing is validating the clearly unchecked fashion choices of small children in front of their exhausted parents. It's 90 degrees outside but you are rockin' those snow boots, Henry
found a portal to another dimension at the bottom of my coffee cup quick hop in
Listen horrors... if you're going to persist, we're going to need a safe word.
super high and watching a doc about dinosaurs, you?
Had a jarring wake-up call today (stepped on the scale after vacation)
Nobody names their Tybalts "Mercutio" anymore and other format lectures that didn't get any likes this semester
id give my balls a tug but osha says its a two-person job and i work alone
cars should have toilets
this season of Being Alive in the USA sucks
When you get cremated, what flavour of wood chips are you requesting...
Not to brag but I’m sought after*
*wanted in 4 states
[breathing]
"I could do this all day.”
nocking another flaming arrow from my mind quiver
Her: Have you seen the dog bowl?
Him: No but I’ve seen him catch a tennis ball
fee-fi-fo-fum
forgot to spring forward
time is dumb
Sure, you can live in my head rent free but I hope you don’t mind having lots of roommates.
I seem to fit in pretty well with others who feel like they don't fit in either.
Morpheus: You take the blue pill, the story ends. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Neo: OK. But what’s with the yellow pill?
Morpheus: Makes you pee.
One of my favorite things is when the Android Auto app updates and it breaks my car navigation for a week. Every single time. I don't know how to get home. Guess I'll die here.
[restaurant]
me: *pointing* I’ll have that platter for one please
server: sorry sir, but that’s the all-you-can-eat buffet table
me: challenge accepted
Yelling to my fellow gasoline pumpers "it didn't have to be this way!"
The Indiana Jones movies are a great example of why everybody should invest in and carry a grabber tool for hard to reach things
Humanity will be happy in our holodeck coffins, just make sure the holograms are good at mouth stuff wait what
I am going to get a coffee so big this morning that it puts the East Coast Dunkin Drinkers to shame
When I drink from a cup or mug I look like a shaggy dog that was caught drinking from the toilet mid-shlorp
