@lizzlepants.bsky.social
resident pantologist https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3dg5zlv5v6tbzizwatnunvwu/feed/aaabx33niyxtm
Happy birthday!! ππππ
10.11.2025 13:04 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0croissant inventor: how bout bread that explodes when you touch it
14.12.2024 18:13 β π 21 π 9 π¬ 1 π 0woke up still so furious that during my morning run i stopped to pop some car tires with my teeth
10.11.2025 12:46 β π 47 π 11 π¬ 2 π 0ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to circle the block for parking
08.11.2025 18:17 β π 619 π 111 π¬ 12 π 0For twenty years I made a living pretending to know everything while hallucinating wildly and drawing dirty pictures but now AI has taken my job.
10.11.2025 02:46 β π 345 π 66 π¬ 4 π 1Ace Of Base tried to warn us. They saw the sign in 1993
09.11.2025 22:56 β π 38 π 15 π¬ 2 π 0*clutches my imaginary pearls
10.11.2025 12:15 β π 12 π 2 π¬ 0 π 0THE INVENTOR OF LIFE INSURANCE: what if I told you that you could be in a Dateline documentary
03.11.2025 22:02 β π 192 π 58 π¬ 6 π 0slipping a thanksgiving ham under my dress and telling people iβm all sweaty bc iβm in labor
09.11.2025 22:44 β π 78 π 19 π¬ 6 π 0anyone else need a necklace with a button to push for being in an "i've fallen and can't get up" mental space?
09.11.2025 19:15 β π 215 π 67 π¬ 16 π 2I have extremely critical fashion opinions about folks I pass in the city for a person who regularly leaves the house wearing sweatpants.
10.11.2025 12:03 β π 36 π 4 π¬ 3 π 1This year Iβll be serving gravy with a mood stabilizer reduction
22.11.2024 13:23 β π 168 π 62 π¬ 6 π 1π₯°
09.11.2025 14:43 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0you've got a screw loose, i'm spiralling out. we are not the sane.
07.11.2025 23:55 β π 114 π 50 π¬ 3 π 3I achieved my Winter hibernation weight months ago.
08.11.2025 15:20 β π 20 π 6 π¬ 0 π 0Had a nice can of wine at the haircuttin place today
08.11.2025 15:13 β π 43 π 14 π¬ 3 π 0Happy birthday @nursemurderer.bsky.social π₯³π₯³π₯
08.11.2025 16:17 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0filtering my online dating matches by "forklift certified"
27.10.2025 20:38 β π 55 π 17 π¬ 2 π 0what do you mean the garage isnβt for sale
01.11.2025 19:27 β π 101 π 45 π¬ 7 π 0on facebook everyone is fighting a battle they wonβt fucking shut up about
06.11.2025 17:48 β π 197 π 45 π¬ 4 π 0Just put the potato costume on and let me squirt ketchup on you. Donβt make this weird
08.11.2025 04:43 β π 263 π 55 π¬ 6 π 350% of rabbit foot keychains are actually rabbit hand keychains
08.11.2025 06:00 β π 251 π 53 π¬ 14 π 4I lost the method to my madness.
08.11.2025 06:27 β π 71 π 29 π¬ 2 π 0not to brag but I got so many blocks yesterday I could build a fort
08.11.2025 11:28 β π 53 π 8 π¬ 6 π 2another great bit for a dinner date is opening your mouth way before the food gets close to it
08.11.2025 12:46 β π 7 π 2 π¬ 0 π 0Good morning to everyone except the person who invented mornings.
08.11.2025 14:02 β π 257 π 21 π¬ 25 π 0I gonna be sooooo lazy today to make up for having to pretend to work on my bday
08.11.2025 14:26 β π 48 π 12 π¬ 3 π 0@shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social π
08.11.2025 14:24 β π 5 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0You may think youβre on top of things but Iβm already in line at Best Buy
08.11.2025 08:53 β π 108 π 36 π¬ 1 π 1hot women in your area want you to hold their purse while they go shopping
08.11.2025 14:00 β π 33 π 8 π¬ 3 π 0
