Sorcha Ní Nia

Why are threesomes only for sex why can’t I join in a couple’s argument if I want to

I can’t remember where I first saw this (just came across it again on instagram) but it’s been years now and it lives rent-free in my brain. Just include me please, I’m listening anyway and I Have Opinions

I didn’t come up with it!!! Wish I had though 😂

Your crotch goblin (child) is an acceptable crotch goblin

I have just read a description of children as ‘crotch goblins’ and I’m afraid if anyone needs me I have simply dissolved into the ether 💀

Me looking at the cheating Canadian curling team as if before a couple of days ago I could remember curling was even a sport

Right???

I just scribbled out the wrong date and restamped it and took my colleagues’ mocking like a champ as per 😎

Ben Affleck looking out to sea like he’s just stamped a work document the ‘61st February’

Just physically print stamped a work document as having come in on the ‘61st February’ if anyone’s wondering how my day’s going

And yes, it’s possible to turn the little wheels on the date stamper to that, which in my mind makes it the stamper’s fault and not mine

Imagine using *this* as your launchpad for your ‘nuns are just smol beans 🥹’ thought piece

Have I told the story about how I woke up hungover and then was interviewed by the Gardai Organized Crime Bureau?

Actual LOL, although I have to say I’m usually the space thief, but on this occasion his thievery felt pointed - let me look at Take That in peace!!

Do you ever feel like you’re absolutely fighting for your life for your space in the bed? Jamie is ‘asleep’ right now but has just turned over ONTO me but as I type it’s occurred to me that I’m currently watching the Netflix Take That doc and he might actually just be trying to push me out of bed…

lmao we’ll be waiting there anxious to make even €5 back

Deal, I think I know someone in the market, and we’re looking for any price tbh

Oliver Twist with his empty porridge bowl

Paid our wedding venue deposit today, if anyone wants to give us a winning lottery ticket, or their house, or their firstborn child (which we will immediately sell) or anything

Lmao, see, true love!!

And yay!! Congratulations!!

A screenshot of a tweet that says ‘Brooklyn Beckham’ and then the meme ‘I ain’t reading all that I’m happy for u tho or sorry that happened’

My fiancé right now, with every *molecule* of his being

The Beckham-Peltz’s wedding photographer and videographer knowing they have the footage

Need you even ask

Boooo!!! Get biab or the dip ones, they don’t chip!! 🙏

A screenshot from TikTok showing someone about to paraglide

[both lying in bed scrolling on our own phones when I suddenly hear-]

Jamie: nope.
Me: what?
Jamie: nope. I’m not getting yeeted into the sky attached to a lunatic tied to a glorified bandana

He was watching this over my shoulder

My left hand with dark forest green nails apart from the ring finger which has a silvery glittery nail and I’m wearing a white gold band and blue sapphire, surrounded by small diamonds, engagement ring

New Year New Nails 💅

Happy First Day Back At Work 2026 🫡

Of course if you’re in Ireland ‘Republican’ means something entirely different but I’m going to bed now

American social media users (usually) always assume everything revolves around America and everyone is always referring to America even though Matt used the small ‘r’ ‘republican’ and was not referring to Republican vs Democrat

Matt said ‘republican’ not ‘Republican’, the first (usually) referring to the elected democratic system of government headed by someone like a prime minister or president etc, whereas the second (usually) refers to a political party 1/2

lmao at ‘kid’

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier