Aezandra 🐈‍⬛

I wish I didn’t feel like crawling under a rock.

*breaking*
This just in.
He failed to do it at the first opportunity.😘

Yup. They will just turn on you and treat you like they don’t like to be treated. Golden rule 🤔

So I stopped.
I’ll do good even when others use it to their advantage 🤷
Glad to know my mom gave me the ability to drop my pride and apologize. Not everyone has learned this lesson. No apologies to me or the people that you hurt because you deem it right. I don’t need your empty words.

Amazing what happens to the people who “care” about you

Thank you.
Thank you for proving that once again I’m too trusting and honest and that you never had my back. Thank you for stabbing me repeatedly. I needed that lesson.

At the end of the day, I know I tried my best and told the truth. I can sleep with my actions, can you?

Today is all about recognizing the beauty and charm of black cats while debunking the myths that often surround them… SHARE your mini panthers! 🖤🐈‍⬛

#NationalBlackCatDay #BlackCatsRock #BlackCats

Gotta love when sexual harassment remains unaddressed…
Your silence just shows us that you don’t care. I see you.
Can’t have safe places when they tolerate that. 🤷

#horror #memes

I wish I could show everyone the struggle of living on welfare and how the system purposely makes people stay poor. More people need to be exposed to how welfare works on a personal level. 😞

Pps: I *always* have a reason for feeling the way I do. I’m not crazy even though I over react. I will not accept statements that delude my sanity.

I want to build. Just like everyone else. I may seem normal but please don’t put me on a pedestal. I am just me.

Finally. I know I have issues and I don’t want to be reminded. I’m *constantly* reminded of my uniqueness and don’t need to be more othered than I do to myself already. I just want to be normal. That’s it. I’m not. But I just want to belong despite my flaws.

going on the previous point, I have an unusual memory where I remember things vividly quite often or will remember points that I feel a person points out to be important. Work, school, wherever. I remember things I do with people and their likes. Just a thing to mention that I’ve noticed

I am working on that because I know it is frustrating to work with.

I remember alot of the things said, possibly due to trauma. Sometimes I’m wrong. If I know something is wrong, I *automatically* feel a compulsion to self correct and get scared when my error is pointed out. I’m used to less gentle hands around.

Please, if we get to a misunderstanding, don’t take away my community. I have *severe* abandonment wounds.

I know that I’m complicated. I still believe in my mind that I am a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve anything but I keep trying to get past that. I’m traumatized, damaged goods. Working on changing that.

Not pointed to emotional management. It is always “You. Are. A. Monster.” And it comes across as “this is how you will be controlled.”

That instead of feeling them and working them out, I’ve been encouraged by previous important people throughout my life (of who I’ve regarded their opinions as gospel) to get high, drunk, eat, sleep, and other things but to an extreme.

You guys don’t necessarily know that I have had situations where my emotions weren’t ok to feel.

I also start at the deep end of an explanation and struggle to communicate the issue because my brain thinks I’m communicating clearly (to those who know me I am) but it contains way too many details in-order to get to the root. I’m working on that.

I am not used to people acting on good intentions and have had a lot of malice used against me in my life. My mind automatically will jump to defend me. I’m working on it but that is a tender area.

Talk to me if you want to be a helper for pointing out my circling. (Some people that I trust have my permission to say it already because I have been hard at work). Without my consent, if you do that then I will not be ok.

One thing that may have come with my trauma is the compulsion to over explain myself out of fear of being misunderstood. (Eg. what I am doing). Recently, I have felt a near constant impulse to keep over explaining. I’m working on it and have identified my triggered state as a state of “circling.”