Oh she's pissed..florist advertisement
03.03.2026 07:03 β π 44 π 19 π¬ 1 π 0Oh she's pissed..florist advertisement
03.03.2026 07:03 β π 44 π 19 π¬ 1 π 0
[3:12 am]
brain: hey wake up let's think about everything
me: what do you mean by everyth-
brain: I SAID EVERYTHING
Steinbeck: What did you think of my draft of ππ§ ππ°πΆπ΄π¦ π’π―π₯ ππ’π―?
Publisher: It needs more characters.
Steinbeck: I'll see what I can do.
A vibrator that will also cook me breakfast. Is this anything?
03.03.2026 14:59 β π 56 π 6 π¬ 16 π 0Kids got me a t-shirt that says, βProbably One of the Top 25 Dads in the Neighborhood.β
26.12.2025 01:25 β π 148 π 22 π¬ 3 π 1anyone up for a naked hula hooping contest
03.03.2026 13:00 β π 93 π 22 π¬ 21 π 0reflecting on child abuse as an adult is so weird, to realize your parents never had a beef with you but took it out on you nevertheless
03.03.2026 04:47 β π 231 π 50 π¬ 24 π 2Fascinating what you all say you won't do and how quickly that shit flies out the window once a Klondike bar is mentioned.
02.03.2026 19:55 β π 66 π 27 π¬ 2 π 1*rage colors a picture of a rainbow and flowers then crumples it up and nicely hands it to you
03.03.2026 12:50 β π 72 π 24 π¬ 7 π 0Donβt hate me because Iβm beautiful. Hate me because Iβm always right.
01.03.2026 23:46 β π 133 π 26 π¬ 15 π 1I know this isn't the time for jokes, but also it is precisely the time for jokes
03.03.2026 05:31 β π 99 π 28 π¬ 3 π 0raising an intelligent kid while youβre a whole other level of dumbass is a big flex
03.03.2026 08:30 β π 25 π 5 π¬ 0 π 0all of my besties are strangers on the internet
03.03.2026 07:58 β π 52 π 21 π¬ 0 π 0
Me: good night moon
Blood moon: bring me blood
Me: go to sleep moon
Things are bad here, I nearly read someoneβs poem.
03.03.2026 07:36 β π 69 π 18 π¬ 3 π 0Oh to be a lizard basking on a hot rock π
03.03.2026 00:56 β π 151 π 30 π¬ 9 π 0I have nothing in common with people who wake up early and go running
16.01.2025 18:20 β π 114 π 32 π¬ 3 π 1cramming for this eye exam looking at every fucking thing I can
03.03.2026 00:17 β π 259 π 83 π¬ 9 π 2how many sacrifices are we allowed each blood moon again?
03.03.2026 02:53 β π 46 π 19 π¬ 1 π 0if you love something kill it. kill it now before it ever gets a chance to hurt you
03.03.2026 02:27 β π 39 π 17 π¬ 1 π 0
why is everyone always trying to kill me??
- the lights
Iβm starting my daylight saving time rage a week early so Iβm properly prepared.
03.03.2026 00:55 β π 126 π 32 π¬ 6 π 0*cooks a pasta dish while simultaneously looking at a recipe for another pasta dish to make in the future
03.03.2026 01:41 β π 26 π 7 π¬ 0 π 0
*picks up How To Read For Dummies*
*sniffs it*
*puts it back down*
*Googles how to be an adult*
oh wow, that's a lot of reading
*goes back to watching cartoons*
If I were a PokΓ©mon, I'd definitely be Squirtle.
02.03.2026 13:20 β π 49 π 14 π¬ 3 π 0Send ICE agents to Iran. They already have the outfits.
02.03.2026 15:50 β π 7457 π 1512 π¬ 334 π 91Still no discernible brains of this operation
02.03.2026 21:22 β π 10 π 3 π¬ 0 π 0she is beauty, she is grace, she is an open parking space
11.07.2025 21:08 β π 169 π 48 π¬ 4 π 0