I’m starting my daylight saving time rage a week early so I’m properly prepared.
03.03.2026 00:55 — 👍 61 🔁 20 💬 3 📌 0I’m starting my daylight saving time rage a week early so I’m properly prepared.
03.03.2026 00:55 — 👍 61 🔁 20 💬 3 📌 0*cooks a pasta dish while simultaneously looking at a recipe for another pasta dish to make in the future
03.03.2026 01:41 — 👍 7 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0
*picks up How To Read For Dummies*
*sniffs it*
*puts it back down*
*Googles how to be an adult*
oh wow, that's a lot of reading
*goes back to watching cartoons*
Being indecisive makes me mysterious.
02.03.2026 19:22 — 👍 51 🔁 31 💬 1 📌 0If I were a Pokémon, I'd definitely be Squirtle.
02.03.2026 13:20 — 👍 44 🔁 12 💬 3 📌 0Send ICE agents to Iran. They already have the outfits.
02.03.2026 15:50 — 👍 6155 🔁 1249 💬 284 📌 76Still no discernible brains of this operation
02.03.2026 21:22 — 👍 9 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0she is beauty, she is grace, she is an open parking space
11.07.2025 21:08 — 👍 163 🔁 45 💬 4 📌 0I'm at my most Wolverine whenever I'm trying to open a new roll of toilet paper
23.04.2025 01:49 — 👍 58 🔁 19 💬 1 📌 0
In my defense your honor...
*does super sweet move with nunchucks*
Whoa! Case dismissed
Live your life in such a way that your cat would be proud
02.03.2026 21:04 — 👍 62 🔁 11 💬 3 📌 1i’m too awesome to suffer any consequences from hubris
02.03.2026 19:15 — 👍 97 🔁 29 💬 5 📌 0terrifying if literal, bagel bites
18.11.2025 10:02 — 👍 117 🔁 34 💬 2 📌 2i'm not even going to listen to you if you show up at my intervention without at least a side dish
02.03.2026 21:12 — 👍 17 🔁 3 💬 1 📌 0I've developed a new 9-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash/deodorant/mouthwash/cat food/motor oil/industrial solvent/condiment called "The Fluid"
02.03.2026 18:02 — 👍 88 🔁 22 💬 2 📌 1you could sit right here and make a memory with me if you want to
28.02.2026 18:54 — 👍 42 🔁 14 💬 4 📌 0If my kid fails, it’s not my fault. If he succeeds, I should get a little credit.
02.03.2026 21:06 — 👍 91 🔁 23 💬 5 📌 0I’m not proving you’re wrong, I’m proving I’m right.
01.03.2026 15:27 — 👍 52 🔁 29 💬 1 📌 0sorry i’m like this my mom smoked when she was pregnant and also i’m insane
01.03.2026 12:29 — 👍 72 🔁 24 💬 1 📌 0slouching tiger forbidden dragon
02.03.2026 19:12 — 👍 60 🔁 21 💬 4 📌 1Are Irish step dancers forbidden from using their arms for menial tasks such as pumping gas or testing the ripeness of an avocado? I have so many O’Questions
02.03.2026 20:19 — 👍 79 🔁 23 💬 5 📌 0Dream about giving them nightmares
02.03.2026 04:12 — 👍 37 🔁 18 💬 0 📌 0Establish dominance at Parent/Teacher conferences by taking a 6 pack with you but only offering to share one with those teachers who promise to be brief.
31.07.2024 13:26 — 👍 123 🔁 51 💬 3 📌 1Gummy bears now with real bear!
01.03.2026 14:46 — 👍 84 🔁 45 💬 5 📌 0OH MY GAWD I just sent a co-worker a gif from Wayne's World and she didn't get the reference. We are SOOO old.
25.02.2026 16:22 — 👍 75 🔁 10 💬 15 📌 0I wash my hair with shampoo because using realpoo would be disgusting
02.03.2026 18:32 — 👍 144 🔁 36 💬 11 📌 1Gentlemen, it’s Women’s History Month, so maybe take the initiative and explain what that is.
02.03.2026 14:55 — 👍 351 🔁 92 💬 16 📌 5
a gummy worm on a leaf next to more nature
nature is so beautiful
02.03.2026 17:51 — 👍 554 🔁 126 💬 13 📌 4Or a high school coach who's also a teacher (but coaching The Team is the job they actually care about)
02.03.2026 17:37 — 👍 15 🔁 2 💬 2 📌 0