Iβm starting my daylight saving time rage a week early so Iβm properly prepared.
03.03.2026 00:55 β π 61 π 20 π¬ 3 π 0Iβm starting my daylight saving time rage a week early so Iβm properly prepared.
03.03.2026 00:55 β π 61 π 20 π¬ 3 π 0*cooks a pasta dish while simultaneously looking at a recipe for another pasta dish to make in the future
03.03.2026 01:41 β π 7 π 2 π¬ 0 π 0
*picks up How To Read For Dummies*
*sniffs it*
*puts it back down*
*Googles how to be an adult*
oh wow, that's a lot of reading
*goes back to watching cartoons*
Being indecisive makes me mysterious.
02.03.2026 19:22 β π 51 π 31 π¬ 1 π 0If I were a PokΓ©mon, I'd definitely be Squirtle.
02.03.2026 13:20 β π 44 π 12 π¬ 3 π 0Send ICE agents to Iran. They already have the outfits.
02.03.2026 15:50 β π 6155 π 1249 π¬ 284 π 76Still no discernible brains of this operation
02.03.2026 21:22 β π 9 π 3 π¬ 0 π 0she is beauty, she is grace, she is an open parking space
11.07.2025 21:08 β π 163 π 45 π¬ 4 π 0I'm at my most Wolverine whenever I'm trying to open a new roll of toilet paper
23.04.2025 01:49 β π 58 π 19 π¬ 1 π 0
In my defense your honor...
*does super sweet move with nunchucks*
Whoa! Case dismissed
Live your life in such a way that your cat would be proud
02.03.2026 21:04 β π 62 π 11 π¬ 3 π 1iβm too awesome to suffer any consequences from hubris
02.03.2026 19:15 β π 97 π 29 π¬ 5 π 0terrifying if literal, bagel bites
18.11.2025 10:02 β π 117 π 34 π¬ 2 π 2i'm not even going to listen to you if you show up at my intervention without at least a side dish
02.03.2026 21:12 β π 17 π 3 π¬ 1 π 0I've developed a new 9-in-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash/deodorant/mouthwash/cat food/motor oil/industrial solvent/condiment called "The Fluid"
02.03.2026 18:02 β π 88 π 22 π¬ 2 π 1you could sit right here and make a memory with me if you want to
28.02.2026 18:54 β π 42 π 14 π¬ 4 π 0If my kid fails, itβs not my fault. If he succeeds, I should get a little credit.
02.03.2026 21:06 β π 91 π 23 π¬ 5 π 0Iβm not proving youβre wrong, Iβm proving Iβm right.
01.03.2026 15:27 β π 52 π 29 π¬ 1 π 0sorry iβm like this my mom smoked when she was pregnant and also iβm insane
01.03.2026 12:29 β π 72 π 24 π¬ 1 π 0slouching tiger forbidden dragon
02.03.2026 19:12 β π 60 π 21 π¬ 4 π 1Are Irish step dancers forbidden from using their arms for menial tasks such as pumping gas or testing the ripeness of an avocado? I have so many OβQuestions
02.03.2026 20:19 β π 79 π 23 π¬ 5 π 0Dream about giving them nightmares
02.03.2026 04:12 β π 37 π 18 π¬ 0 π 0Establish dominance at Parent/Teacher conferences by taking a 6 pack with you but only offering to share one with those teachers who promise to be brief.
31.07.2024 13:26 β π 123 π 51 π¬ 3 π 1Gummy bears now with real bear!
01.03.2026 14:46 β π 84 π 45 π¬ 5 π 0OH MY GAWD I just sent a co-worker a gif from Wayne's World and she didn't get the reference. We are SOOO old.
25.02.2026 16:22 β π 75 π 10 π¬ 15 π 0I wash my hair with shampoo because using realpoo would be disgusting
02.03.2026 18:32 β π 144 π 36 π¬ 11 π 1Gentlemen, itβs Womenβs History Month, so maybe take the initiative and explain what that is.
02.03.2026 14:55 β π 351 π 92 π¬ 16 π 5a gummy worm on a leaf next to more nature
nature is so beautiful
02.03.2026 17:51 β π 554 π 126 π¬ 13 π 4Or a high school coach who's also a teacher (but coaching The Team is the job they actually care about)
02.03.2026 17:37 β π 15 π 2 π¬ 2 π 0