Stevevsninjas

Stealworkers

Hey, Dad. All my life I have been the stone in the creek. Shaped by forces moving around me that I could not understand. Today I will become the creek. I will swell over the banks and into the world. I will make it smaller. I will reduce all things. Hope you get this voicemail. Hope you can swim.

I thought they stopped putting toys in cereal boxes but a peace prize fell out of mine.

just got a text from my basement that says Scary Noise and i am freaking out

this web site sucks

Co-pilot: that was our third pass. When are you going to land?
Dog Pilot: just need to circle a few more times before I lay her down

The only thing that can stop a bad ai with a gun is a good ai with a gun

Can’t believe I got ripped off on NefariousBroWeb & my Greedcoin is now worthless

Have to go back to eating smaller birds tomorrow. Ugh.

Finches sound cries of warning

[I turn on the TV and every channel is showing me being burned in effigy] This can't be good

Arriving at my funeral, you are woefully unprepared for the sight of my embalmed corpse doing full Van Damme splits between two coffins.

The Pillsbury Dough Boy float at the Macy's Parade

He is risen

Police say he then turned the epic vulgar roast on himself

YEAH I want to use Sticky Keys! Thanks for popping up to ask me about this thing which I both obviously know about and want to always be turning on! (smiling slightly) Uhhhhh. That is, ... *NOT*

cat-ass-trophy case

Imagine paying $44,000,000,000 to be the guy in the carnival dunk tank

Wrote in my Gratitude Journal this morning, like I do every day, that I’m particularly thankful for my Spite Journal, which now comprises several handsome volumes.

that's a good day in my book!

Saw an AI fireworks show and a guy lost all 7 fingers on one hand.

Opinion | I believed Hillary Clinton was a sex trafficker because one of her donors owned a pizza restaurant and "cheese pizza" has the same initials as "child pornography." Here's why I don't think Donald Trump's multi-decade best friendship with a sex trafficker connects him to sex trafficking.

“quiet, piggy” would make a lovely epitaph

PERSON GASPING FOR AIR: *pushes epi pen into my hand*
ME: I said no autographs

A photo of a sign, white text on red background: JESUS... WHO IS HE? WHY DID HE COME?

When I arrive at the party

yes, or wait, sand/water window

You can be a pitcher and a belly itcher at the same time. Don't let the jeering crowd limit your potential.

If I had a Death Becomes Her hole in my stomach I would hang a little bell in there, or maybe even a small gong.

I would do a perch for a small songbird

I locked my account with that new boob recognition software but somebody stole my identittty

We want to speak directly to members of the Military and the Intelligence Community.

The American people need you to stand up for our laws and our Constitution.

Don’t give up the ship.