“What she’s not telling you, is five seconds after doing this, she falls off and her head goes through the wall.
She doesn’t remember this happening. On account of her head going through the wall.”
“Trying to see if I can start a fake rumour.”
“Bruce Wayne is dead!”
She spends hours applying makeup
“Of course she’s broke. Look at her. Someone with money doesn’t wake up in the morning and decide to look like that.
Meanwhile look at me. I’m a beautiful woman who wakes up sexy every time.”
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like MACLUNKEY
“Bitches love cannons”
// I’m wondering if I can finish this bit before I have to head to work
You’re a beautiful man. A beautiful man. /Will/ you wear wigs?
/HAVE/ you worn wigs?
Do you wear wigs?
“Well, I’ve had worse first impressions, honestly”
“I can be naughty and nice.”
“I mean you could do both. Test their might and willpower.”
“Why sit on his lap when you can sit on his face?”
“I heard that @ticktockcroc.bsky.social has…
…e-reptile dysfunction…”
she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a can with the label “laughter” on it
she shakes it
“Hm. Must be expired.”
“Hmmmm…”
“Okay. Let me get out the chart. You see my father was a comedian and my mother had three personalities.
No wait. My father had two personalities and my mother liked to wear people’s skin
No wait. My parents were normal
No wait. My dad liked riddles…
…hold on. I think I may be confused”
UHHHHHHHHHHH
“Maybe the real person who is my parent is the person ABOVE THIS POST”
she raises her finger and points up at nothing.
Post? What the hell is she on about?
“To be fair, my parents are complicated. I don’t even know the truth half the time.”
“What’s the /deal/ with Jerry McGinnis? He isn’t McDonalds. And he isn’t alcohol.”
“Never. “
“Oh I bet she’s said that to a bunch of simps. Quote the Raven, get out”
“NO.”
“Has Raven ever said Nevermore? Because if she hasn’t, THIS BOOK LIED TO ME!”
No
