austere. Serene. Guided by fate

Getting drunk and dming all the blonde women who follow me on the real app “I think you’d look soooooooo good if you dyed your hair Jet Black”

The last couple years of Taylor swift’s career(a couple of dogshit zero risk albums, a pivot into shameless corporatism, the complete dissolution of her humanity) have done a lot to galvanize my enjoyment of her older work

These days the only thing that really makes me want to hurt myself is thinking about how my personality changes during sex. Makes me feel disgusting

The secret thrill of criticizing popular things is the knowledge that you might be deeply offending someone close to you who has staked their sense of self on whatever dogshit is pissing you off. The fear is that they’ll argue with you, but the fun is that they’ll feel bad secretly

I’ve decided to come back here and become worse

Sorry sorry

Recording an emergency podcast to discuss the lizzo allegations. The people must know. Just kidding. Imagine though. Jesus Christ. Shivers. Scary stuff

‼️If I blunder this position a knight up I will kill myself‼️

Watched an early 50’s bartendress cringe with her whole body when she was called “baby” by a woman in her 30’s with short dyed pink hair and an undercut and rockabilly makeup

My friend, on the phone with me: “holy shit I just walked past this stopped car and the driver was screaming and thrashing in the seat and then he took off full speed when the light turned green”
Me: “oh damn. Do you figure he was vaccinated?”

I love to look at people I wish they would look at me too. I think. I’m pretty sure. Maybe it’s best left as it is. But I look in windows, even upper story ones, all the time, and have never felt nor seen those eyes from the inside of the glass

Today is the day the hibiscus wine is finally ready to drink, I think. I could see this becoming a beautiful hobby. Alchemical. Alcoholic. Get to use words like “rack” and “rerack”, very military. Could larp like a wartime citizen producing for himself and his friends under severed supply chains

I do not like the way some of you people think about sex. But fate and circumstance has left me unable to stop you

If I’m out with my friend and we’re at the bar and we’re talking with some strangers, perhaps about the basketball game—he is, after all, a basketball fan—and he keeps making jokes about bestiality, like the punchline is human-animal sex, at what point should I tell him to stop? After the first?

Ordered a “citywide” and they gave me the shittiest can of beer they have around and a heavy shot of some clear, sweet, unidentifiable liqueur, and then they asked me for four dollars, and you know what? I didn’t know it but that’s what I wanted. Baseline should be garbage, quality must be requested

Whenever I go into ny there’s this one bald guy whose apartment I always end up at and I always end up letting him suck me off and he loves it so much but like, he’s so bald. And a MASSIVE whore

I would travel to see this like they did with stalin. Her work means a lot to me. It taught me so much. About love and malaise and failure and misery and how omnipresent and meaningless the second two are in the face of the first

WHO THW FUCK IS MY MOM TALKIN TOO

Sent: breast

Sent: breast I need to see you today

Sent: breast

Sent: beautiful risings, breast

Sent: my mouth is calling out for its breast

Ramses: Infantile Sexuality Queen. . .

I sleep right next to the place where the rations truck comes. I collect rations for the elderly so they don’t have to rush to the truck and push thru the throng. Nobody knows for sure but my build reveals that I rarely eat any rations myself. Why this self-sacrifice? I win at prison by dying faster

Most lives are like playing for a straight in poker or running for President. It’s miserable and tense with some hope and some worry and it often all comes down to th last moment, even if you make it to that final chance you probably won’t make it. Which is why I folded in my 20’s. Gotta get married

Im so glad I don’t have a rival or nemesis or anything, because if I did it would be really really difficult for me to resist having sex with him. Locking eyes across a crowded bar with this man I hate. Walking over to say something cruel to him. He buys me a drink in a mean way. Just my temperament

Today is your last chance to find the ripcord and pull it as hard as you can and bail out into a smooth life with no fear and no falling and never any acceleration. After this, you’ve missed the mark, and you must commit to the hurtling death of your body smashing into soft warm sand at 650 mph

I wish I had the resolve to make enemies and endure scorn. Unfortunately I have the capacity for perfection in me and so I feel a great guilt whenever I’m not making everyone happy all the time. But one of these days I will be strong enough for cruelty. It used to be easier when I was drunk more

Would you feel the same way if you were first

Taking nudes in a friend’s home without their knowledge is an undeniable vibe. And what vibe is that? Bad. It’s a bad vibe

Just kidding I’m a coward

Starting a new program where I qt someone’s post with “I don’t give a shit and I hate you and the way that you think turns my stomach”

Is it okay to go to th bar alone and just talk on the phone? Well I was at the bar alone talking on th phone to my friend and she was telling me about how heartbroken she was because she’d been into this guy for months, thought he was gorgeous and funny and loved how gay he looked. But he was gay :(

I actually kind of like it when I’m waylaid on my journey and obliged to solve a riddle in order to continue because it’s a nice reminder to pause and catch my breath and drink water and take in the beauty of the forest around me on what would otherwise be a purposeful quest

The thing that makes life not quite tick is that anyone can look cool, even the lowest, boringest inconsequential shitheel can buy a cool jacket and stand out from the crowd. And that sort of gums up the works