Dave Weasel

"Nobody cares what Jack White thinks, so here's a whole article about it" then they name me in it for some reason

You'd think "WE HAVE PROOF OBAMA COMMITTED AN EXECUTABLE OFFENSE!" would have his base frothing at the mouth, but even they're waiting for the list

Force them to put fentanyl in it, you coward! Keeps the brain worms away

Side note, the Little Caesars hot and ready is dirty pizza BUT it really hits if:

a) you're starving
b) you need pizza NOW
c) only wanna spend $5

Me neither, abandoned half a million followers about 2 years ago

I met Ben Shapiro once during a 2017 test taping for a new tv show. They’d rented a small venue with a tiny green room, and Shapiro watched me drink 4 Bud Lights from the cooler he was sitting on, since there weren’t enough chairs, before eventually giving that prime seat to me. Then I drank 3 more.

All good, it’s just funny how “shitty Twitter comedian” is what right wing trolls have been calling me for the past 10 years.

I didn’t write it, some right wing blog did and named me for liking a jack white’s post tweet. I love JW

Just so we’re clear, I was named for liking jack white’s post, supporting his criticism of Trump

"Nobody cares what Jack White thinks, so here's a whole article about it" then they name me in it for some reason

I made a little fart noise at a lady walking out of the liquor store wearing a Trump hat, and the cashier subtly flashed me a thumbs up

I understand it's a very long read but that's the point I was making towards the end, how they're kowtowing to their corporate overlords over the will of the people, and it costs them power and it costs us democracy.

‘Both Sides’ Are Not The Same: This Is Collapse vs. Complacency There’s always that guy.

Happy 4th of July! A reminder that the differences between the GOP and the DNC as political parties are the difference between authoritarianism and democracy.
daveweasel.substack.com/p/both-sides...

The Valley snitchline

Hey thanks for reading and quoting this line. I’m a comedian first ya know, and I was debating back and forth putting this line in it and you made it worth it. Thank you.

They Want Zohran Mamdani Deported: The Far-Right 'One-Strike' Democracy Fantasy US citizen Zohran Mamdani moved to the United States when he was seven years old and has spent the last two decades becoming more New York than arguing with a pigeon over bagel crumbs.

Zohran Mamdani is so effective, Republicans think he’s a sleeper agent sent here to destroy your landlord's feelings daveweasel.substack.com/p/they-want-...

If We Could All Read Minds, Civilization Would Last 3 Hours Just some 'shower thoughts'.

What do you think the world would look like if we woke up and everyone could read each other's minds?
daveweasel.substack.com/p/if-we-coul...

How to Know Your President Is an Aspiring Dictator in This One Easy Step! If your president is throwing himself a forty five million dollar military parade for his seventy ninth birthday, you are no longer living in a normal country.

Is your president throwing a military parade for himself on his birthday?

If you've answered YES to any of these questions, your leader may be an aspiring dictator!

daveweasel.substack.com/p/how-to-kno...

As predictably as the breakup!

ICE ICE Pharisees: How “Christians” Would Cheer Jesus Getting Tased in the LA Deportation Raids If Jesus walked into the deportation raids in LA right now, the only thing faster than the Christian Facebook moms posting “thoughts and prayers” for the masked agents would be the taser-gun lighting ...

If Jesus walked into the deportation raids in LA right now, the only thing faster than the Christian Facebook moms posting “thoughts and prayers” for the masked agents would be the taser-gun lighting up Jesus’ butt like a Christmas tree on his birthday

daveweasel.substack.com/p/ice-ice-ph...

Holy shit boys, I’ve got some Fireball in the cabinet, let’s line up some shots and get some jobs!

A rose by another name.. or in this case, a turd

I wanted to see if AI thought it was AI too

I’ll take that as a compliment. Thank you!

You’re right, I meant the actual election, not the day he waddled back in the White House. Thank you!

The Billionaire Who Cried Refund Seven months.

The Trump/Musk breakup was always coming. Elon’s pissy he didn’t get what he paid for, which proves the real problem is that political influence is up for sale in the first place. daveweasel.substack.com/p/the-billio...

Thank you!

No Straight Pride Parade, No Problem: You’re Still in Charge Every June, a very loud, very fragile segment of the population reacts to Pride Month like it’s a gay SWAT team raiding their subconscious, flashbanging their eyeballs with rainbow flags and RuPaul ca...

The "straight pride parade" isn’t late, it never needed to be scheduled. daveweasel.substack.com/p/no-straigh...

Jesus Take the Wire Transfer: How Shiloh Hendrix Cashed In on America’s Inner Racism This is the feel-good story of the year if you’re a sociopath with a Venmo account and a closet full of bootleg Confederate memorabilia.

Shiloh Hendrix turned public racism into a $750,000 payday by exploiting America’s performative outrage and deeply buried hate.

daveweasel.substack.com/p/jesus-take...

Thank you!