“This morally bankrupt work is not what I signed up for when I accepted this job on the Death Star”
You gotta hand it to Nicorette—using packaging that’s nearly impossible to open when you’re stressed is a pretty solid bit
So much of American history is just impulsive and extremely stupid elites, who don't believe in consequences because they have never personally experienced them, doing highly consequential stuff because they're bored or believe it might make them richer. I guess a lot of our culture, too.
hey grok, show the emperor with no clothes
To be fair, he did say it was supposed to be the EVERYTHING app
It’s always the ones you least respect
Seth Meyers closed out Thursday night’s "A Closer Look" with a pointed—and personal—message about Jimmy Kimmel’s sudden suspension and its implications for free speech in America.
Ever since Amber Ruffin's gig at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner was cancelled, she’s learned the importance of “both sides.” youtu.be/rUlTIeKeTVA?...
If you’re cold, she’s cold. Bring her inside!
One hundred years ago this week, a young man, about to leave to fight in the trenches, wrote a poem for his fiancee, who was in a sanatorium dying of tuberculosis. Forty-four years later the poem was discovered and turned into a song. The song? "Yakety yak (Don't talk back)"
Writing checks is so silly. "Yes, of course you may have 75 dollars and 37 cents! But you'll have to go down to the bank to get it. Here, I'll write you a little note to let them know I said it was okay."
wow.
IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THE BABY IS NO LONGER ON BOARD
I usually just tell my landlord I have a headache
telling the Benihana chef he's made a powerful enemy today but it's drowned out by laughter as he flicks a 7th shrimp into my shirt pocket
Ever since last week's shooting, I no longer feel safe arbitrarily denying medical claims on the streets of New York City
All Santa songs are like:
He’s got a peppermint ass
And big huge pants
Big beard as long as a tree
So put a slice of plump cake
Upon a plate
And leave it for the guy to see
What’s the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Value Meal?
Turning off the Bears game and asking if anyone wants to talk politics
when another boy has a 1980 Mercedes-Benz SL500 that was once owned by Lauren Bacall
Reminder that some of the hotlines people are sharing for crisis conversations 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐬, regardless of what your wishes are.
These ones won't.
Add'l notes in the 🧵
