Thank you, Frank. Those were all important points for me. Thank you for picking up on the shifting narrator!
but I found it quite intriguing to see the original and translation next to each other. Would you consider recording them back to back?
Well, it made an arse out of itself. Funny, I saw that feudal and was like that’s an interesting word to mean something else. Regarding the poem, it starts so nice and innocent sounding and then it suddenly isn’t so. The only Welsh I know is eus keus from the Gwenno song
These squirrels are so sinister I cannot help but feel they are symbolic.
The narrative has such a matter of fact, deliberate feel that it has a real impact when the vine is compared to the hand of a boy around the subject’s neck when she was a girl. And the idea that the perpetrator was a “boy” shows how early the behavior was learned.
truth
It’s so interesting that the only verbs not in participles are negative. Didn’t matter and no one came. That is so telling.
The romantic in me wants to erase the comma after “melt away,” but that would be a different poem.
The way syntax cuts against the lines is perfect for a wind inspired poem.
“this is where you died”
“the mouth becoming its own idea/again” and “the shape of yes”
These are outstanding lines!
Yes
As do I! Paul, these images are incredibly apt, from gluttony to gore and everything in between.
hobbled jig and fragile rig get my 🏅 for rhyme of the day!
Paul, is there a form at work here? There are rhymes, yet there are several lines that are out of a rhyming partner. It’s quite interesting.
It is incredible that you and @clareobrien.bsky.social were posting about the same time. Poems about intrusive outsiders. Clare’s poem rich in lyric and your poem so rich in detail.
Not just used, but tattered!
The way the first line of each stanza sounds complete but each is a launch into the argument. The used library book gets my 🏅 for metaphor of the day, not just as an image, but as commentary.
This just made me take a dose of Hamish Napier. Peace be with you.
youtu.be/OVaPEgmlRog?...
Yeah, that last stanza…
🥂
I really like it. If you don’t mind, I’m going to share it with my local writers group at our meeting next week.
1)Title of the day 🏅
2)Starting with “And” puts us right in the phrenetic fur baby world.
3)Turning the prompt on its head with that last line!
Merril is giving a master class in protest poetry today…
And that last stanza; a line that can stand on its own merit, but also carry the gravity of several possible allusions.
Merril, I love opening, a beautiful sounding hook to draw us into what becomes a strong protest poem. Every stanza is 🥊🥊🥊!
I’m giving this poem my 🏅 for saying a ton in less than twenty lines.
With a little snip, Brenda took a good six lines and made four lines that pop!
Me, too!
I’m with @merrildsmith.bsky.social. That frisson line is 💯
