Todd Alcott

My favorite part of The Odyssey is when Odysseus sits everyone down and says "Well boys, we're headed home, and it looks to be quite an odyssey."

@schumer.senate.gov

you can't even use the word "fox" or "grapes," he's got the whole game sewn up

it pisses me off because i was developing a fable about a fox who wants some grapes, and now my agent tells me aesop already has one like that

What DO they care about, besides sending out fundraising emails to the voters they've so dramatically betrayed and abandoned?

One brought a sign, why couldn't anyone else? I bet if they all had one piece of paper that they held up that said "TRUMP RAPES CHILDREN," I bet that would have gotten some cameras on it. So I assume they don't care about the president raping children.

Why can't Democrats steal focus like that? Why do they find it impossible to frame an issue as basic as "THE PRESIDENT RAPES CHILDREN?" Hey, how many Democrats were there at the show last night?

No one remembers what the president was talking about that night, but we remember her. Remember the Republican who shouted "Liar" at another address?

Last night was just one more of million opportunities for meaningful actions by our Democratic representatives that they completely ignored. Do you remember past SotU addresses? How about the one where Marjorie Taylor Green stood up in her white fur coat and yelled?

Either that, or, you know, they're making money off the way things are, so who cares? They've got their lobbyists and their donors to tend to, who cares if the opposition party is enacting a genocide? It's just politics.

Schumer and Jeffries post things on social media like "This president is disappointing," like, good job buddy, that really nailed him.

I guess that they don't care. Or that they like it this way. Maybe they think "All we have to do is wait and the whole thing will implode." The cool thing about that plan is they don't have to, you know, do anything while their constituents are hunted like animals in the streets of our communities.

Why, do you suppose, they don't care to do or say anything, anywhere, at any time, to point out, you know, how the president rapes children and lies about everything all the time and has instituted a fascist dictatorship in order to keep himself out of jail?

Good for Rep. Green. Quick question: what the fuck were the other hundreds of Democrats in the room doing? If you guessed "sitting there moping," you're right!

If the president wants big ratings tonight, may I suggest the Budd Dwyer Maneuver™?

Happy Laura Palmer's Murder day to those who celebrate.

CAT: hello, hi, pet me pet me pet me
ME: [reaches to pet cat]
CAT: OH MY GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF CONSENT JESUS CHRIST I HATE YOU can i lick your nose k thx

When is the last time there was a nationwide televised event where the audience tuned in hoping the star would die on camera?

Before you say anything, just hear me out: Michael B. Jordan B. Peterson

These are boom times for people who enjoy unbelievable bullshit

PATIENT: Help, I broke my leg!
DOCTOR: (shrugs) Adapt.

"Open the palace gates, Charles."

So, Elon Musk committed voter fraud in Georgia, and ... that's it? No arrest? No investigation? Does it not count if your guy loses?

"5 out of 5 stars! This horror tarot deck is incredible dark, bold, and visually stunning. The graphics are amazing, and every card is striking and unforgettable." -- Debbie on Feb 5, 2026 toddalcottgraphics.etsy.com

Things have been too serious to post any vintage interiors, but this one broke through the blockade.

"5 out of 5 stars! An amazing deck. Cannot recommend more."
-- Lyndsey, Feb 15, 2026

"5 out of 5 stars! Alrighty, then! I can honestly say this is the funniest, most clever deck i am happy to have in my collection. The box looks like an old paperback book, complete with creased spine. Such an imaginative and innovative deck. Thanx!!!" m on Feb 17, 2026
toddalcottgraphics.etsy.com

Thinking back to the time I went to see Sherlock Ho, We Bought a Sherlock Ho.