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Viz Comic

@vizcomic.bsky.social

Our readers have understood the concept of Buyer's Remorse since 1979. Buy the Profanisaurus or Subscribe here: https://lnk.bio/vizcomicofficial

29,488 Followers  |  466 Following  |  553 Posts  |  Joined: 14.08.2024
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Posts by Viz Comic (@vizcomic.bsky.social)

SCATTERING half a teaspoon of dried chilli flakes over a cut grapefruit half and leaving it overnight in the fridge will make the grapefruit taste of chilli. So don't do it. Robert Canning e-mail

SCATTERING half a teaspoon of dried chilli flakes over a cut grapefruit half and leaving it overnight in the fridge will make the grapefruit taste of chilli. So don't do it. Robert Canning e-mail

07.03.2026 21:15 — 👍 151    🔁 38    💬 5    📌 0
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Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

07.03.2026 16:01 — 👍 20    🔁 3    💬 3    📌 0
CUT your takeaway pizza into evenly sized slices by simply locating its centre using a ruler and compass, then dividing 360 by the number of slices you want. This will give you the number of degrees each slice should measure at the centre. Then use a protractor to measure the degrees and a ruler to ensure accurate cutting. Chris Horsley, Barnsley

CUT your takeaway pizza into evenly sized slices by simply locating its centre using a ruler and compass, then dividing 360 by the number of slices you want. This will give you the number of degrees each slice should measure at the centre. Then use a protractor to measure the degrees and a ruler to ensure accurate cutting. Chris Horsley, Barnsley

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

06.03.2026 21:19 — 👍 122    🔁 20    💬 9    📌 2
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

05.03.2026 16:01 — 👍 23    🔁 4    💬 0    📌 0
A letter from out of off of the new issue of Viz, accompanied by two (count 'em) pictures of the latest issue. At jaunty angles. And here is the letter. A-hem... "When he got his £80 million recording contract back in 2002, Robbie Williams famously shouted "I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams". I don't know what his 'wildest dreams' entailed, but I'm surprised they involved selling catfood a quarter of a century down the line. Mike Tatham, Dundee'

A letter from out of off of the new issue of Viz, accompanied by two (count 'em) pictures of the latest issue. At jaunty angles. And here is the letter. A-hem... "When he got his £80 million recording contract back in 2002, Robbie Williams famously shouted "I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams". I don't know what his 'wildest dreams' entailed, but I'm surprised they involved selling catfood a quarter of a century down the line. Mike Tatham, Dundee'

There's a new issue (Viz 354) in the shops. Sorry no refunds. shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

05.03.2026 13:29 — 👍 86    🔁 16    💬 3    📌 0
HOW COME mouldy bread is bad for you but blue cheese, which is riddled with the stuff, is okay? It seems to me like it's one rule for Rhizopus stolonifer and another for Penicillium roqueforti. Eldon Furse, email

HOW COME mouldy bread is bad for you but blue cheese, which is riddled with the stuff, is okay? It seems to me like it's one rule for Rhizopus stolonifer and another for Penicillium roqueforti. Eldon Furse, email

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

04.03.2026 20:38 — 👍 191    🔁 35    💬 0    📌 1
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

03.03.2026 16:01 — 👍 40    🔁 9    💬 0    📌 1
VISITORS to Tipperary. Do us all a favour by not whistling, singing or otherwise making any fecking reference to the one song you know about Tipperary. And besides, by the time you get to Main Street, it's not actually a long way, is it? P O'L, Tipperary

VISITORS to Tipperary. Do us all a favour by not whistling, singing or otherwise making any fecking reference to the one song you know about Tipperary. And besides, by the time you get to Main Street, it's not actually a long way, is it? P O'L, Tipperary

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

02.03.2026 21:39 — 👍 106    🔁 10    💬 1    📌 0
WRITING in 4th century Greece, Hippocrates suggested that illness and disease were caused or transmitted by noxious vapours, and this was accepted as medical fact until the late 19th century when Louis Pasteur and others provided alternative explanations which finally discredited the idea. However, I would caution anyone in my house who is reading this not to enter my water closet for the next half hour just in case he was right after all. Professor Dave, Cape Cod

WRITING in 4th century Greece, Hippocrates suggested that illness and disease were caused or transmitted by noxious vapours, and this was accepted as medical fact until the late 19th century when Louis Pasteur and others provided alternative explanations which finally discredited the idea. However, I would caution anyone in my house who is reading this not to enter my water closet for the next half hour just in case he was right after all. Professor Dave, Cape Cod

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

01.03.2026 19:00 — 👍 162    🔁 24    💬 4    📌 1
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

01.03.2026 16:01 — 👍 53    🔁 12    💬 2    📌 0
LIKE MOST people at the moment, my gas and electricity bills are sky high. I for one am certainly intending to use as much as I can in order to get my money's worth. Jane Hoole Garner, St Ives

LIKE MOST people at the moment, my gas and electricity bills are sky high. I for one am certainly intending to use as much as I can in order to get my money's worth. Jane Hoole Garner, St Ives

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

28.02.2026 17:49 — 👍 183    🔁 33    💬 1    📌 1
APPARENTLY, the only person who displays no number plates on their car is the King of England himself, in which case I have just seen Charles Ill parking his Vauxhall Corsa at Hillingdon underground station. He looked much younger than I'd anticipated, and his language was a little coarse when I asked for his autograph. "Fuck off, knob" is a little unseemly for a ruling monarch in my view. But it was still very exciting to meet the great man in person. Neal Bircher, Uxbridge

APPARENTLY, the only person who displays no number plates on their car is the King of England himself, in which case I have just seen Charles Ill parking his Vauxhall Corsa at Hillingdon underground station. He looked much younger than I'd anticipated, and his language was a little coarse when I asked for his autograph. "Fuck off, knob" is a little unseemly for a ruling monarch in my view. But it was still very exciting to meet the great man in person. Neal Bircher, Uxbridge

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

27.02.2026 17:22 — 👍 329    🔁 54    💬 4    📌 2

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

27.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 19    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
HOW COME no one ever farts on ITV's Tipping Point? There's been so many episodes of it, surely someone must have dropped their guts on it at least once. I wonder if they put corks up the contestants' arses to stop them from trumping during the show, or something. David Wardle, Manchester

HOW COME no one ever farts on ITV's Tipping Point? There's been so many episodes of it, surely someone must have dropped their guts on it at least once. I wonder if they put corks up the contestants' arses to stop them from trumping during the show, or something. David Wardle, Manchester

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

26.02.2026 20:32 — 👍 80    🔁 8    💬 5    📌 0
RUIN the reputation of a new co- worker by starting to steal from colleagues and leaving massive shits unflushed in the works toilets soon after they arrive, and then refraining from these activities whenever they are off. Mike Tatham, St. Andrews

RUIN the reputation of a new co- worker by starting to steal from colleagues and leaving massive shits unflushed in the works toilets soon after they arrive, and then refraining from these activities whenever they are off. Mike Tatham, St. Andrews

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

25.02.2026 20:17 — 👍 141    🔁 21    💬 1    📌 1
Preview
Viz 45th Anniversary. Roger's Profanisaurus: Turtlehead Revisited: It’s a big one! Viz Comic’s largest ever encyclopaedia of bad language. Buy Viz 45th Anniversary. Roger's Profanisaurus: Turtlehead Revisited: It’s a big one! Viz Comic’s largest ever encyclopaedia of bad language. by Viz Magazine (ISBN: 9781916421967) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

25.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 23    🔁 3    💬 0    📌 2
I HAD a look at the Periodic Table the other day and Christ, what a load of rubbish. Who's ever heard of Molybdenum or Astatine or Hafnium? Come on scientists, stick to everyday elements that we are all familiar with, like wood, glass and sand. Ben Nunn, Caterham

I HAD a look at the Periodic Table the other day and Christ, what a load of rubbish. Who's ever heard of Molybdenum or Astatine or Hafnium? Come on scientists, stick to everyday elements that we are all familiar with, like wood, glass and sand. Ben Nunn, Caterham

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

24.02.2026 21:07 — 👍 214    🔁 38    💬 5    📌 1
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

23.02.2026 16:03 — 👍 33    🔁 2    💬 0    📌 0
DURING dinner at a restaurant recently I told the waiter, "l'd like a glass of water, please. " Imagine my surprise when he simply nodded, then replied "Still?' The idea that I would have inexplicably changed my mind about this drink order just seconds after making it seemed so ridiculous that I decided not to leave him a tip. T Ellen, London

DURING dinner at a restaurant recently I told the waiter, "l'd like a glass of water, please. " Imagine my surprise when he simply nodded, then replied "Still?' The idea that I would have inexplicably changed my mind about this drink order just seconds after making it seemed so ridiculous that I decided not to leave him a tip. T Ellen, London

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

22.02.2026 21:28 — 👍 270    🔁 50    💬 3    📌 1
SHOPLIFTERS. Don't get caught out with badly planned shopping excursions. Visit your local Police Constabulary website where you can see at a glance which shops have the worst CCTV. Mikey B, Newark

SHOPLIFTERS. Don't get caught out with badly planned shopping excursions. Visit your local Police Constabulary website where you can see at a glance which shops have the worst CCTV. Mikey B, Newark

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

21.02.2026 20:33 — 👍 117    🔁 16    💬 1    📌 0
THEY say a bad workman always blames his tools. But they also say that a workman is only as good as the tools he uses. I've just put some shelves up on the wonk, and I don't know whether I can blame my tools or not. Thanston Crabb, Wisbech

THEY say a bad workman always blames his tools. But they also say that a workman is only as good as the tools he uses. I've just put some shelves up on the wonk, and I don't know whether I can blame my tools or not. Thanston Crabb, Wisbech

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

20.02.2026 21:44 — 👍 97    🔁 13    💬 3    📌 1
IF you accidentally shrink a top in the wash, all is not lost. Simply pass on the item in question to a smaller friend, and then phone up a larger friend to see if they have made a similar mistake. Rasputin Cronkite, Leeds

IF you accidentally shrink a top in the wash, all is not lost. Simply pass on the item in question to a smaller friend, and then phone up a larger friend to see if they have made a similar mistake. Rasputin Cronkite, Leeds

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

19.02.2026 16:40 — 👍 247    🔁 39    💬 1    📌 4
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

19.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 39    🔁 3    💬 0    📌 1
HADRIAN'S Wall was built to keep the Scots out of the Empire, but the Romans could have saved themselves a lot of time and money by not building it. I'm not sure how high it is, but last week in Tenerife, I saw five drunken Glaswegian blokes climb at least twenty-five foot to their balcony on account of they'd lost the key to their hotel room. Robert Greaves, London

HADRIAN'S Wall was built to keep the Scots out of the Empire, but the Romans could have saved themselves a lot of time and money by not building it. I'm not sure how high it is, but last week in Tenerife, I saw five drunken Glaswegian blokes climb at least twenty-five foot to their balcony on account of they'd lost the key to their hotel room. Robert Greaves, London

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

18.02.2026 21:20 — 👍 119    🔁 12    💬 0    📌 0
How is that tea tastes nice, biscuits taste nice, and biscuits dipped in tea taste nice, but that sludge you get at the bottom of a cup of tea tastes like sick? Perhaps the so-called "experts" can stop whining about global warming for five minutes and explain that one. David Milner, Durham

How is that tea tastes nice, biscuits taste nice, and biscuits dipped in tea taste nice, but that sludge you get at the bottom of a cup of tea tastes like sick? Perhaps the so-called "experts" can stop whining about global warming for five minutes and explain that one. David Milner, Durham

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

17.02.2026 21:43 — 👍 164    🔁 23    💬 5    📌 0
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

17.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 25    🔁 5    💬 2    📌 0
WHY do cat food manufacturers bother making flavours like shrimp and beef. or duck and chicken? All my cat wants to do is lick his arse. Cat's arse-flavoured cat food, that's a winner. George Tringham, Bedford

WHY do cat food manufacturers bother making flavours like shrimp and beef. or duck and chicken? All my cat wants to do is lick his arse. Cat's arse-flavoured cat food, that's a winner. George Tringham, Bedford

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

16.02.2026 19:57 — 👍 205    🔁 42    💬 4    📌 4
I think that if curlers want their sport to be taken seriously they shouldn't leave it till the last minute before cleaning the rink. Huw Allen, e-mail

I think that if curlers want their sport to be taken seriously they shouldn't leave it till the last minute before cleaning the rink. Huw Allen, e-mail

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

15.02.2026 20:10 — 👍 173    🔁 32    💬 2    📌 2
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

15.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 54    🔁 8    💬 1    📌 1
FELLAS. Collect up all the nutshells, pine needles and orange peel dis. carded over the Christmas period put it in a little basket and you've got some lovely pot pourri to give to your beloved on Valentine's Day. Steve Crouch, Peterborough

FELLAS. Collect up all the nutshells, pine needles and orange peel dis. carded over the Christmas period put it in a little basket and you've got some lovely pot pourri to give to your beloved on Valentine's Day. Steve Crouch, Peterborough

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

14.02.2026 21:22 — 👍 116    🔁 16    💬 1    📌 2