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Viz Comic

@vizcomic.bsky.social

Our readers have understood the concept of Buyer's Remorse since 1979. Buy the Profanisaurus or Subscribe here: https://lnk.bio/vizcomicofficial

29,459 Followers  |  466 Following  |  545 Posts  |  Joined: 14.08.2024
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Posts by Viz Comic (@vizcomic.bsky.social)

WRITING in 4th century Greece, Hippocrates suggested that illness and disease were caused or transmitted by noxious vapours, and this was accepted as medical fact until the late 19th century when Louis Pasteur and others provided alternative explanations which finally discredited the idea. However, I would caution anyone in my house who is reading this not to enter my water closet for the next half hour just in case he was right after all. Professor Dave, Cape Cod

WRITING in 4th century Greece, Hippocrates suggested that illness and disease were caused or transmitted by noxious vapours, and this was accepted as medical fact until the late 19th century when Louis Pasteur and others provided alternative explanations which finally discredited the idea. However, I would caution anyone in my house who is reading this not to enter my water closet for the next half hour just in case he was right after all. Professor Dave, Cape Cod

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01.03.2026 19:00 — 👍 101    🔁 17    💬 2    📌 1
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

01.03.2026 16:01 — 👍 44    🔁 7    💬 1    📌 0
LIKE MOST people at the moment, my gas and electricity bills are sky high. I for one am certainly intending to use as much as I can in order to get my money's worth. Jane Hoole Garner, St Ives

LIKE MOST people at the moment, my gas and electricity bills are sky high. I for one am certainly intending to use as much as I can in order to get my money's worth. Jane Hoole Garner, St Ives

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28.02.2026 17:49 — 👍 178    🔁 32    💬 1    📌 0
APPARENTLY, the only person who displays no number plates on their car is the King of England himself, in which case I have just seen Charles Ill parking his Vauxhall Corsa at Hillingdon underground station. He looked much younger than I'd anticipated, and his language was a little coarse when I asked for his autograph. "Fuck off, knob" is a little unseemly for a ruling monarch in my view. But it was still very exciting to meet the great man in person. Neal Bircher, Uxbridge

APPARENTLY, the only person who displays no number plates on their car is the King of England himself, in which case I have just seen Charles Ill parking his Vauxhall Corsa at Hillingdon underground station. He looked much younger than I'd anticipated, and his language was a little coarse when I asked for his autograph. "Fuck off, knob" is a little unseemly for a ruling monarch in my view. But it was still very exciting to meet the great man in person. Neal Bircher, Uxbridge

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27.02.2026 17:22 — 👍 320    🔁 54    💬 4    📌 2

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

27.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 18    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0
HOW COME no one ever farts on ITV's Tipping Point? There's been so many episodes of it, surely someone must have dropped their guts on it at least once. I wonder if they put corks up the contestants' arses to stop them from trumping during the show, or something. David Wardle, Manchester

HOW COME no one ever farts on ITV's Tipping Point? There's been so many episodes of it, surely someone must have dropped their guts on it at least once. I wonder if they put corks up the contestants' arses to stop them from trumping during the show, or something. David Wardle, Manchester

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26.02.2026 20:32 — 👍 79    🔁 8    💬 5    📌 0
RUIN the reputation of a new co- worker by starting to steal from colleagues and leaving massive shits unflushed in the works toilets soon after they arrive, and then refraining from these activities whenever they are off. Mike Tatham, St. Andrews

RUIN the reputation of a new co- worker by starting to steal from colleagues and leaving massive shits unflushed in the works toilets soon after they arrive, and then refraining from these activities whenever they are off. Mike Tatham, St. Andrews

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25.02.2026 20:17 — 👍 138    🔁 21    💬 1    📌 1
Preview
Viz 45th Anniversary. Roger's Profanisaurus: Turtlehead Revisited: It’s a big one! Viz Comic’s largest ever encyclopaedia of bad language. Buy Viz 45th Anniversary. Roger's Profanisaurus: Turtlehead Revisited: It’s a big one! Viz Comic’s largest ever encyclopaedia of bad language. by Viz Magazine (ISBN: 9781916421967) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

25.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 22    🔁 3    💬 0    📌 2
I HAD a look at the Periodic Table the other day and Christ, what a load of rubbish. Who's ever heard of Molybdenum or Astatine or Hafnium? Come on scientists, stick to everyday elements that we are all familiar with, like wood, glass and sand. Ben Nunn, Caterham

I HAD a look at the Periodic Table the other day and Christ, what a load of rubbish. Who's ever heard of Molybdenum or Astatine or Hafnium? Come on scientists, stick to everyday elements that we are all familiar with, like wood, glass and sand. Ben Nunn, Caterham

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

24.02.2026 21:07 — 👍 184    🔁 36    💬 5    📌 1
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

23.02.2026 16:03 — 👍 32    🔁 2    💬 0    📌 0
DURING dinner at a restaurant recently I told the waiter, "l'd like a glass of water, please. " Imagine my surprise when he simply nodded, then replied "Still?' The idea that I would have inexplicably changed my mind about this drink order just seconds after making it seemed so ridiculous that I decided not to leave him a tip. T Ellen, London

DURING dinner at a restaurant recently I told the waiter, "l'd like a glass of water, please. " Imagine my surprise when he simply nodded, then replied "Still?' The idea that I would have inexplicably changed my mind about this drink order just seconds after making it seemed so ridiculous that I decided not to leave him a tip. T Ellen, London

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22.02.2026 21:28 — 👍 266    🔁 47    💬 3    📌 1
SHOPLIFTERS. Don't get caught out with badly planned shopping excursions. Visit your local Police Constabulary website where you can see at a glance which shops have the worst CCTV. Mikey B, Newark

SHOPLIFTERS. Don't get caught out with badly planned shopping excursions. Visit your local Police Constabulary website where you can see at a glance which shops have the worst CCTV. Mikey B, Newark

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

21.02.2026 20:33 — 👍 116    🔁 16    💬 1    📌 0
THEY say a bad workman always blames his tools. But they also say that a workman is only as good as the tools he uses. I've just put some shelves up on the wonk, and I don't know whether I can blame my tools or not. Thanston Crabb, Wisbech

THEY say a bad workman always blames his tools. But they also say that a workman is only as good as the tools he uses. I've just put some shelves up on the wonk, and I don't know whether I can blame my tools or not. Thanston Crabb, Wisbech

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20.02.2026 21:44 — 👍 97    🔁 13    💬 4    📌 1
IF you accidentally shrink a top in the wash, all is not lost. Simply pass on the item in question to a smaller friend, and then phone up a larger friend to see if they have made a similar mistake. Rasputin Cronkite, Leeds

IF you accidentally shrink a top in the wash, all is not lost. Simply pass on the item in question to a smaller friend, and then phone up a larger friend to see if they have made a similar mistake. Rasputin Cronkite, Leeds

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

19.02.2026 16:40 — 👍 246    🔁 39    💬 1    📌 4
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

19.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 39    🔁 3    💬 0    📌 1
HADRIAN'S Wall was built to keep the Scots out of the Empire, but the Romans could have saved themselves a lot of time and money by not building it. I'm not sure how high it is, but last week in Tenerife, I saw five drunken Glaswegian blokes climb at least twenty-five foot to their balcony on account of they'd lost the key to their hotel room. Robert Greaves, London

HADRIAN'S Wall was built to keep the Scots out of the Empire, but the Romans could have saved themselves a lot of time and money by not building it. I'm not sure how high it is, but last week in Tenerife, I saw five drunken Glaswegian blokes climb at least twenty-five foot to their balcony on account of they'd lost the key to their hotel room. Robert Greaves, London

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

18.02.2026 21:20 — 👍 119    🔁 12    💬 0    📌 0
How is that tea tastes nice, biscuits taste nice, and biscuits dipped in tea taste nice, but that sludge you get at the bottom of a cup of tea tastes like sick? Perhaps the so-called "experts" can stop whining about global warming for five minutes and explain that one. David Milner, Durham

How is that tea tastes nice, biscuits taste nice, and biscuits dipped in tea taste nice, but that sludge you get at the bottom of a cup of tea tastes like sick? Perhaps the so-called "experts" can stop whining about global warming for five minutes and explain that one. David Milner, Durham

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

17.02.2026 21:43 — 👍 164    🔁 23    💬 5    📌 0
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

17.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 25    🔁 5    💬 2    📌 0
WHY do cat food manufacturers bother making flavours like shrimp and beef. or duck and chicken? All my cat wants to do is lick his arse. Cat's arse-flavoured cat food, that's a winner. George Tringham, Bedford

WHY do cat food manufacturers bother making flavours like shrimp and beef. or duck and chicken? All my cat wants to do is lick his arse. Cat's arse-flavoured cat food, that's a winner. George Tringham, Bedford

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16.02.2026 19:57 — 👍 205    🔁 42    💬 4    📌 4
I think that if curlers want their sport to be taken seriously they shouldn't leave it till the last minute before cleaning the rink. Huw Allen, e-mail

I think that if curlers want their sport to be taken seriously they shouldn't leave it till the last minute before cleaning the rink. Huw Allen, e-mail

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

15.02.2026 20:10 — 👍 173    🔁 32    💬 2    📌 2
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

15.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 54    🔁 8    💬 1    📌 1
FELLAS. Collect up all the nutshells, pine needles and orange peel dis. carded over the Christmas period put it in a little basket and you've got some lovely pot pourri to give to your beloved on Valentine's Day. Steve Crouch, Peterborough

FELLAS. Collect up all the nutshells, pine needles and orange peel dis. carded over the Christmas period put it in a little basket and you've got some lovely pot pourri to give to your beloved on Valentine's Day. Steve Crouch, Peterborough

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14.02.2026 21:22 — 👍 116    🔁 16    💬 1    📌 2
CYCLISTS. Avoid getting a sore arse by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack. Chris Pearson Southampton

CYCLISTS. Avoid getting a sore arse by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return home, hey presto! A warm snack. Chris Pearson Southampton

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

13.02.2026 19:14 — 👍 155    🔁 28    💬 4    📌 4
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

13.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 22    🔁 3    💬 0    📌 0
I WAS always told that a piece of paper can only be folded in half seven times. Not so, because after stopping at Sandbach Services for a shit yesterday, I had to fold their bog paper at least twelve times for decent wipe and even then I still had a push through. Rex, Ayr

I WAS always told that a piece of paper can only be folded in half seven times. Not so, because after stopping at Sandbach Services for a shit yesterday, I had to fold their bog paper at least twelve times for decent wipe and even then I still had a push through. Rex, Ayr

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

12.02.2026 18:14 — 👍 115    🔁 10    💬 0    📌 1
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

11.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 33    🔁 6    💬 0    📌 1
EBAY buyers. When viewing a listing, remember that 'untested' means it doesn't work, and "sold as seen' means it's completely fucked Shenkin Arsecandle, Llareggub

EBAY buyers. When viewing a listing, remember that 'untested' means it doesn't work, and "sold as seen' means it's completely fucked Shenkin Arsecandle, Llareggub

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

10.02.2026 17:19 — 👍 155    🔁 24    💬 2    📌 2
APPARENTLY it costs the NHS over £300,000 a year to remove foreign objects from people's rectums. Why aren't we removing British objects instead? Was Brexit all for nothing? Gerry Paton, London

APPARENTLY it costs the NHS over £300,000 a year to remove foreign objects from people's rectums. Why aren't we removing British objects instead? Was Brexit all for nothing? Gerry Paton, London

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

09.02.2026 23:06 — 👍 934    🔁 262    💬 5    📌 5
Video thumbnail

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

09.02.2026 16:02 — 👍 24    🔁 3    💬 1    📌 1
HATS OFF to the Chumbawamba lads for their admirable resilience in the face of adversity. Last Friday, whilst ripped to the tits on a cocktail of whisky, lager and cider, I was myself "knocked down » by a nightclub bouncer. But unlike our erstwhile anarchist popsters, I didn't "get up again", and remained prostrate until the paramedics arrived. Kevin Caswell-Jones, Wrexham

HATS OFF to the Chumbawamba lads for their admirable resilience in the face of adversity. Last Friday, whilst ripped to the tits on a cocktail of whisky, lager and cider, I was myself "knocked down » by a nightclub bouncer. But unlike our erstwhile anarchist popsters, I didn't "get up again", and remained prostrate until the paramedics arrived. Kevin Caswell-Jones, Wrexham

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

08.02.2026 19:47 — 👍 287    🔁 48    💬 3    📌 3