Viz Comic (@vizcomic) — Bluesky Profile

1 day ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

23 3 1 0

3 days ago

IN PONDERING which fruit
most sounds like the breaking
of wind, the kumquat wins out
for me. I am, of course, happy
to be proven wrong
by any readers whose
knowledge of fruits is
greater than mine.
Derek Jeff-Derek,
Inham Nook

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

76 10 10 1

3 days ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

49 9 0 1

4 days ago

PEOPLE are often asked
what their dream job is. Mine
would be third choice goalkeeper
for a Premier League Team.
Getting paid a fair old wedge to sit
and watch football in great seats
while knowing there's not much
chance your boss is going to call on
you really ticks all my boxes. If this
magazine's editor happens to be in
contact with any managers, please
feel free to pass on my details. As
a sweetener, I'd do it for half the
money any top team's current third
choice keeper is on.
Adam, Manchester

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

194 28 3 5

5 days ago

SCATTERING half a
teaspoon of dried chilli
flakes over a cut grapefruit
half and leaving it overnight
in the fridge will make the
grapefruit taste of chilli. So
don't do it.
Robert Canning
e-mail

279 61 5 1

5 days ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

22 3 3 0

6 days ago

CUT your takeaway pizza into
evenly sized slices by simply
locating its centre using a ruler and
compass, then dividing 360 by the
number of slices you want. This will
give you the number of degrees
each slice should measure at the
centre. Then use a protractor to
measure the degrees and a ruler to
ensure accurate cutting.
Chris Horsley, Barnsley

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

126 20 9 2

1 week ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

22 4 0 0

1 week ago

A letter from out of off of the new issue of Viz, accompanied by two (count 'em) pictures of the latest issue. At jaunty angles. And here is the letter. A-hem... "When he got his £80 million recording contract back in 2002, Robbie Williams famously shouted "I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams". I don't know what his 'wildest dreams' entailed, but I'm surprised they involved selling catfood a quarter of a century down the line. Mike Tatham, Dundee'

There's a new issue (Viz 354) in the shops. Sorry no refunds. shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

88 16 3 0

1 week ago

HOW COME mouldy
bread is bad for you
but blue cheese, which is
riddled with the stuff, is
okay? It seems to me
like it's one rule for
Rhizopus stolonifer and
another for Penicillium
roqueforti.
Eldon Furse, email

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

194 36 0 1

1 week ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

40 9 0 1

1 week ago

VISITORS to Tipperary. Do us all
a favour by not whistling, singing
or otherwise making any fecking
reference to the one song you know
about Tipperary. And besides, by
the time you get to Main Street,
it's not actually a long way, is it?
P O'L, Tipperary

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

109 11 0 0

1 week ago

WRITING in 4th century
Greece, Hippocrates suggested
that illness and disease were caused
or transmitted by noxious vapours,
and this was accepted as medical
fact until the late 19th century
when Louis Pasteur and others
provided alternative explanations
which finally discredited the idea.
However, I would caution anyone in
my house who is reading this not
to enter my water closet for the
next half hour just in case he was
right after all.
Professor Dave, Cape Cod

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz354bs

163 24 4 1

1 week ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

53 12 2 0

1 week ago

LIKE MOST people at
the moment, my gas and
electricity bills are sky high. I for
one am certainly intending to use
as much as I can in order to get my
money's worth.
Jane Hoole Garner, St Ives

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

184 33 1 1

1 week ago

APPARENTLY, the only
person who displays no number
plates on their car is the King of
England himself, in which case I
have just seen Charles Ill parking
his Vauxhall Corsa at Hillingdon
underground station. He looked
much younger than I'd anticipated,
and his language was a little coarse
when I asked for his autograph.
"Fuck off, knob" is a little unseemly
for a ruling monarch in my view. But
it was still very exciting to meet the
great man in person.
Neal Bircher, Uxbridge

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

329 54 4 2

1 week ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

19 0 0 0

2 weeks ago

HOW COME no one ever
farts on ITV's Tipping Point?
There's been so many episodes of it,
surely someone must have dropped
their guts on it at least once. I wonder
if they put corks up the contestants'
arses to stop them from trumping
during the show, or something.
David Wardle, Manchester

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

81 8 5 0

2 weeks ago

RUIN the reputation of a new co-
worker by starting to steal from
colleagues and leaving massive
shits unflushed in the works toilets
soon after they arrive, and then
refraining from these activities
whenever they are off.
Mike Tatham, St. Andrews

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

141 21 1 1

2 weeks ago

Viz 45th Anniversary. Roger's Profanisaurus: Turtlehead Revisited: It’s a big one! Viz Comic’s largest ever encyclopaedia of bad language. Buy Viz 45th Anniversary. Roger's Profanisaurus: Turtlehead Revisited: It’s a big one! Viz Comic’s largest ever encyclopaedia of bad language. by Viz Magazine (ISBN: 9781916421967) from Amazon's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders.

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

23 3 0 2

2 weeks ago

I HAD a look at the Periodic
Table the other day and
Christ, what a load of rubbish.
Who's ever heard of Molybdenum
or Astatine or Hafnium? Come
on scientists, stick to everyday
elements that we are all familiar
with, like wood, glass and sand.
Ben Nunn, Caterham

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

215 38 5 1

2 weeks ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

33 2 0 0

2 weeks ago

DURING dinner at a restaurant
recently I told the waiter,
"l'd
like a glass of water, please.
" Imagine
my surprise when he simply nodded,
then replied "Still?' The idea that
I would have inexplicably changed
my mind about this drink order just
seconds after making it seemed so
ridiculous that I decided not to leave
him a tip.
T Ellen, London

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

271 50 3 1

2 weeks ago

SHOPLIFTERS. Don't get caught
out with badly planned shopping
excursions. Visit your local Police
Constabulary website where you
can see at a glance which shops
have the worst CCTV.
Mikey B, Newark

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

116 16 1 0

2 weeks ago

THEY say a bad workman
always blames his tools. But
they also say that a workman is
only as good as the tools he uses.
I've just put some shelves up on the
wonk, and I don't know whether I
can blame my tools or not.
Thanston Crabb, Wisbech

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

97 13 3 1

3 weeks ago

IF you accidentally shrink
a top in the wash, all is
not lost. Simply pass on
the item in question to a
smaller friend, and then
phone up a larger friend
to see if they have made
a similar mistake.
Rasputin Cronkite, Leeds

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

249 39 1 4

3 weeks ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

39 3 0 1

3 weeks ago

HADRIAN'S Wall was built
to keep the Scots out of the
Empire, but the Romans could have
saved themselves a lot of time and
money by not building it. I'm not sure
how high it is, but last week in Tenerife,
I saw five drunken Glaswegian blokes
climb at least twenty-five foot to their
balcony on account of they'd lost the
key to their hotel room.
Robert Greaves, London

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

119 12 0 0

3 weeks ago

How is that tea tastes nice, biscuits taste nice, and biscuits dipped in tea taste nice, but that sludge you get at the bottom of a cup of tea tastes like sick? Perhaps the so-called "experts" can stop whining about global warming for five minutes and explain that one. David Milner, Durham

subscriptions >>> shop.viz.co.uk/viz353bs

164 23 5 0

3 weeks ago

Read thousands of definitions in the 700-page Roger’s Profanisaurus: Turtleshead Revisited — Viz’s biggest ever encyclopaedia of bad language (and a great table-leveller). A perfect gift for yourself or someone you vaguely like.

Get it here: https://bit.ly/4pcoTaU

#viz #comedy #rude #swear

25 5 2 0