Brown women just need a couple TD’s and they’re right back in this thing
Now that Iran is out we just gotta convince 46 more teams to bail and the U.S. can finally win a men’s World Cup
Due to the contract dispute between my hospital and my insurance company, I had to stop seeing my Bracketologist.
Sorry but if Bam Adebayo wants to break Wilt Chamberlain’s all-time record he still has to sleep with over 19,000 more women
Truth Social
Less upset by the JFK Jr. miniseries’ treatment of Daryl Hannah than I am by the fact that nobody said “beast mode” in 1995
Rarely have I felt my own aging more intensely than seeing Dana Gordon from Entourage playing Carolyn Bessette’s mother
“Can I have a suggestion on who to bomb?”
Improv is more popular in New York than ever
But only the Iranian Men’s Soccer Team is invited to the State of the Union
New daylight savings pitch
From my 2024 special No Questions Asked
#comedy #standup
In my day the stars of Safdie Brothers movies respected opera
Writing an album about being in my late 40’s called “Piss All the Time, Sleep Occasionally.”
That’s not a joke
This is a joke
Still haven’t watched any of these movies by the way, and the Oscars are a week away, so I guess it’s time to start “Love Story: John F. Kennedy Jr. & Carolyn Bessette”
Loved your new HBO special Chris but I’m trying to get some rest down here
Oh good this will come in handy if the terrorists try to defeat us with a roundhouse kick www.rawstory.com/trump-fires-...
Damn, they did a complete 1260
Loved your new HBO special Chris but I’m trying to get some rest down here
Mulva?
Did all the people running for Senate in Texas know they would have to work with Ted Cruz
Just bet the over on Polymarket on how long Trump’s rash lasts
You’d think a guy who watches that much hockey would know not to leave his team shorthanded
Fighting for our freedom
#standup #comedy
