Matt Goldich

Loved your new HBO special Chris but I’m trying to get some rest down here

Trump demotes Kristi Noem — replaces her with MAGA ex-MMA fighter President Donald Trump announced on Thursday that he had fired Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem from her initial position."I am pleased to announce that the Highly Respected United States Senat...

Oh good this will come in handy if the terrorists try to defeat us with a roundhouse kick www.rawstory.com/trump-fires-...

Damn, they did a complete 1260

Yellowstone: World's largest acidic geyser erupts for first time since 2020 The Echinus Geyser had been silent for the last six years, and it is unknown whether the eruptions will continue into the summer.

Someone saw Heated Rivalry… www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Loved your new HBO special Chris but I’m trying to get some rest down here

Mulva?

Did all the people running for Senate in Texas know they would have to work with Ted Cruz

Just bet the over on Polymarket on how long Trump’s rash lasts

You’d think a guy who watches that much hockey would know not to leave his team shorthanded

It Was a Tough February for New York’s Fanciest 5-Year-Olds The kindergarten-admissions season was a “bloodbath.”

Maybe try getting into a kindergarten in Dubai?

nymag.com/intelligence...

Fighting for our freedom

#standup #comedy

Someone’s trying to get out of serving in Iran

Be on the lookout for bets from username “TrudieAllNite”

I bet they won't have any trouble putting themselves back out there

For more on this story, check out my isopodcast.

#comedy #surpriseinspection

Here's the first joke I ever got on the Late Show with David Letterman in 2009. Is this still topical?

"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was re-elected President of Iran. His opponent says the election was rigged and I think he's right because tens of thousands of Iranians voted for Pat Buchanan."

Breaking: Wade Phillips Named Interim Ayatollah

Project Hail Mary out today!

#comedy #standup #ryangosling

“What’s the name of the new company?”

“Parner Brothers. We combined ‘Paramount’ and ‘Warner’.”

“Sorry, I’m not watching anything called ‘Parner Brothers’.”

“We’ve got to do something about that name.”

The perfect place to have disappointing sex with your husband.

Signed up for NYC updates about school closures/alternate side parking and now getting so many alerts like “an old man wandered off in Queens. No wait. We found him”

Wanna get away?

What a crazy way to learn that “I Swear” isn’t an All-4-One biopic

Snow day activities

#comedy #standup

Not Kash Patel turning up at random parties like blog-era Bill Murray

If I had known they also give you a plush toy I would have tried to win an Olympic gold medal earlier