Trying to pick pizza toppings with your puppygirl GF but she always chooses cat shit.

28.09.2025 02:52 — 👍 0    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

there's no way i'm the product of the height of evolution, if a big red button appeared in my apartment that said 'press this button to break both of your legs instantly' i'm not sure how long i would have my legs for. it'd endlessly taunt me and i would stare at it

24.02.2025 05:38 — 👍 152    🔁 18    💬 7    📌 0

Charging my crystals under the full moon, and by "crystals" I mean genitalia and by "full moon" I mean showerhead.

14.02.2025 06:34 — 👍 4    🔁 1    💬 0    📌 0

Motherfucker.

07.02.2025 08:08 — 👍 13792    🔁 2668    💬 354    📌 141

04.02.2025 03:10 — 👍 19722    🔁 2862    💬 57    📌 48

YOUNG MAN

01.02.2025 06:16 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

Anthropologist: we think this was a ritual location, where the ancients practiced sun worship

The ancients: Had to carve that hole so we could see the boobs we drew in the mud inside of the Jackin Off Pit

30.01.2025 18:20 — 👍 206    🔁 11    💬 4    📌 0

"Feed Jake" by Pirates of the Mississippi was about CGI Scooby Doo.

31.01.2025 07:12 — 👍 1    🔁 0    💬 0    📌 0

PANEL 1: A pig in an empty green space. PIG: "Last night I dreamed I was one of the main gang on Seinfeld. It was Jerry and Elaine and George and Kramer and lil' ol' me." PANEL 2: The pig is sitting (in color) in the iconic Monk's Cafe from the television show Seinfeld alongside the show's characters (in lineart only). PIG (v.o.): "They even had an extra chair at the iconic diner booth for me now." PANEL 3: George close up. PIG (v.o.): "And they came to me with their/our suicide pact --" GEORGE: "A *real* pact -- not one of those that *some people* always wriggle out of!" PANEL 4: Jerry putting his arms up in surrender. PIG (v.o.): "The 90s will never come back, they said. They said the acid of their observational irony had eaten away everything of value: love, friendship, sex, community, essential government services..." JERRY: Alright, alright--*no wriggling*!" PANEL 5: Kramer gently patting the pig's arm. PIG (v.o.): "All that remained was to diminish and go into the west." KRAMER: "Let's all slide through this last door together. I'm too weak to go alone."

the pact

31.01.2025 06:53 — 👍 1991    🔁 344    💬 12    📌 7