C.J. Arellano

Been doing phone interviews to find a new nanny for my kids. This one candidate sounded really great, an ideal fit, located in Brooklyn - but it was hard to hear because he was on the train. Anyway, I am so excited for Jay St. Metrotech to start taking care of my children!!!

Hi there! I hope you're doing a well! That's not a typo. I hope you're having sex with a well.

“It’s Ass Wednesday” - me as the new pope

a guy named Matt but he spells it “Matte”

"so excited to announce"

sorry, i don’t care, unless the thing being announced is an earth-killing asteroid

Do I need to have seen CONVLEX to understand CONCLAVE?

90% of my anxiety is caused by podcast hosts who say they’ll talk about something later and never do.

2024 has been a long year. I totally forgot O.J. Simpson died.

Les Mis but the cast is all Beastie Boys:

There is a castle on a CLOUD!
I like to go there in my SLEEP!
Crying at all is not ALLOWED!
Not in my castle on a CLOUD!

Face unafraid the plans that we made? In this economy??

I don’t know who needs to hear this…

…so I’m going to think more about my audience before I say what I have to say.

me on house hunters: “ooh and this can be our guacamole room!”

narrator: “their guacamole budget is $15,000”

“Erotic” is such a charmingly boomer word. Like, I don’t know anyone under 50 going around calling things erotic.

Do the French call it “Disney Ploos”?

that one friend who just moved to Pangaea: “i love it, it’s sooo walkable”