K-N9

I admitted to my mom that I don’t like my own singing. She told me it’s just going to have to be those things other people might like but not yourself.

She told me,

“Well I sometimes don’t like my own cooking but you guys eat that up, so it’s gonna be ok.”

I just got a letter for jury duty 🙃

My mom overheard me singing. She says I sing very pretty which is encouraging at least. But I still don’t like any of the vocal takes I’ve done so far…

I trying to record vocals but there is so much wind outside my mic keeps picking it up

It’s only for now, but I’m having a hard time accepting that I exist in this world

YouTube video by Colin Blunstone Colin Blunstone - "Her Song"

I love this song so much! I can’t stop listening to it. Absolutely gorgeous, from the strings to the voice. Listen to it if you have the time!

youtu.be/Yyb_PW4W1yg?...

I know it’s a harsh thing to say but I hate the way I sing

It could also be that I dissociated, which is new for me

I don’t know how to describe it. It feels liberating but scary at the same time

I listened to that Madonna song ray of light and I think I just experienced what people refer to as ego death

My maladaptive day dreaming has been taking up my time these days recently. I can’t tell whether it’s boredom or loneliness but it’s so easy for me to lose myself in my head and just pretend that my life is different to what it is now

Morning ☀️

I’ve started combing my hair again

I am unfashionably earnest.

I never considered how exhausting being lonely would be.

When i listen to music i always walk around in circles and it worries my family. I can never listen to it sitting down unless it’s a car ride.

I have an ahoge sticking out of my head and I’m constantly trying to dampen it down cuz it looks fucking stupid

Thank you, for a while I have felt I have made no progress with my life, but I made it this far alive. That counts for something.

I didn’t do everything right. Perhaps 14 year old me would’ve been disappointed. But I don’t know him anymore.

I found my old suicide note, it was never finished. That was 8 years ago, I don’t plan on finishing it. Let it remain unwritten.

im beginning to regret it. It feels like the wound healed but you can still see the scar. Overdramatic i know.

I need to record vocals either this week or next week.

My fears aren’t about getting old, but it’s about what I’m doing with my life while time is being spent.

I am 23 years old. I sometimes have to sit down and just think about that for a while.

work sucks

i know

It is, they were really awful

The only difference my pills made was that my panic attacks went away at the very least.

Let’s get there one day…

I can’t self ship with anyone because it would be out of character for them to like me

I could tear myself apart and rebuild but I’d lose important pieces