My hands hurt from my shift yesterday but I still decided to goon... now they hurt even more
I was supposed to eep at 1am... but then spent until 6am reading fanfic then gooning... fuck my big chungas life
I didn't have to do it. Didn't have to piss myself to make my ex happy. Didn't have to violate that poor stuffy. I should've been stronger. I knew. God I should've known. It was disgusting. I feel disgusting. Like wasted trash. I hate it. I wanna throw up of God what have i done Quinn
*not really graphic media but just in case: just skin tears on my fingers. No blood.
Only form of self harm accepted by society. Is it even considered sh? Is the gore I watched as a teen sh? Is the way i ruined myself and relationships for approval of my body sh?
I will never have pretty nails
Like I love the games and the story, but I haven't played his story, so i have no real attachment to him besides his looks... which makes me sadge because I have a huge attachment to Ethan and a little bit towards Carlos.
There is not way when I went to type "leon" it auto corrected with "leon_scott_kennedy".... if you know you know...
I see pretty people with pretty people. Ugly people with ugly people.
I need to lower my standards. All the people I like are pretty.
Maybe that's why all my exes were considered "ugly" to my friends. I didn't think so.
It's all subjective.
If it wasn't for the promise I made with my brother my legs would be sliced and diced
Jerked off this morning to get the dopamine going since I can't self harm or regulate normally... yay
It isn't an addiction but man it's a dangerous slope
Chat sometimes I just wanna marry a friend and then get all their money and live happy in a lie. Because i don't want to find love outside of my yumes. There isn't anyone that will fit my levels of trust. I want to remain a virgin forever. Die alone or adopt kids. I do want kids.
-one day while I was messaging a friend on FB, I had a pull to go check D Mom's profile... a scroll down I found it- "Thank you to [person] for finding my son and helping him after he fell off his bike, breaking his shoulder and wrist"... now I don't wish ill upon him but... heh
-keep up that "I'm covering for D to make sure D and H stay friends, even it D did stuff to me". When me and D broke up and i told H, i told her it was mutual... it wasn't, as y'all saw. And when H finds out the truth... it will be bad for D. I'm sure his sis is talking shit. I don't care. Oh-
I still talk to H, but now I wonder if D will mention to H I blocked him and if H will mention it to me. I won't feel any way if H tells me off. I won't feel pain if his mom tells me off. Y'all saw. It wasn't me. I wasn't a Saint, sure, but I wasn't the "bad guy". D was, obviously. But I wanna-
Sometimes I want H (My ex D's friend) to text me. To ask why we broke up... and I'll say it's my fault. It's all my fault and to hate me... but when H goes to tell D, he'll feel guilt and tell H the whole story anyways and make me the good person in both their eyes. D for covering, and H for pity
I hate when it gets so bad it goes into my dreams. It's things I cant say. It makes me puke. It makes me unable to touch my family for days on end. I hate it. It's so gross. It takes everything to not cut to release those thoughts like I used to. Leech out the bad. My blood is tainted. I hate it.
I hate intrusive thoughts. The ones that are too gross to say. The ones thay would get you looks from those who say "Ooo I have to always have everything neat I have OCD" NO YOU DON'T YOU DON'T YOU JUST LIKE IT NEAT AND THATS OKAY. YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT INCEST??? YOU WANT THOSE THOUGHTS?? HUH????
-I'm sadly not the best person. I am growing. I am confessing my sins. But what I did is not excusable. I don't require pity. Maybe... just maybe understanding that was I did... no, that would be undermining what I did. Fucking hell this world sucks. People suck. I suck.
-but it was me. I could've made smarter choices. I should've said no. I did it because of hate. Self hate for myself. My body. My soul. I wanted to feel beautiful. Those people made me feel beautiful.... God. I'm sick. I feel sick. But that's my story. If you wish to unfriend/hate me, I get it.-
-middle school for no reason. Just cause I was the "girl" of the group and I didn't "care". What the hell was wrong with me. Where did it go wrong. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck it all. Fuck Jb. Fuck all the older people who said "oh let's corrupt this young mind"-
-ah, I lied again. I completely forgot about Jb (so many J names, I apologize). Jb was my first time sexually online. I didn't send pics but I got them. He was 16. I was 12. Sophomore in Hs, 6th grader in middle school. Maybe that fucked me up. Fuck maybe that even lead me to jerk off a friend in-
If you wish to not be friends with me or follow me, I understand. I was a horrible person, and even if I'm trying to do better now I still hate myself. I was never a sexual person before Ja. I don't blame him. I don't even know how it happened. Who started it. It's all blank. I just know it-
I'm so horrid. I hate myself. All the shit I did. It makes me wanna cut again. Everytime I think about those sins, everytime I wanna post myself online for those to gawk at me since I don't love myself... I wanna stab myself with a knife. I made a promise, so I can't... That's it. Those are my sins.
-and sick for being who I was. That's my sin. My boulder to carry. I am a horrible person and I will never excuse the shit I did in the past as a teen. However I will never forgive the adults that let me do that. Only two adults didn't let me- my "brother" and my friend from Canada. God-
Came along. I liked him. This was after me and D broke up. I told myself at 18 I would put all that stuff behind me... and in the end gave my first bj to a guy that didn't even like me back. I fucking swallowed. I hated it. I hate myself for being like this. No more. No fucking more. I'm tired-
-about it. It never comes up. I never want it to come up. It makes me sick. Then I met D, and D made me feel special. I was a flirty person, and I ended the relationship with J to be with D. It serves me right that I was treated by D that way. I earned it. The sins of my past came to me... Then ⛓️-
-house named Ja. Ja and I, for some reason because I like to blank it from my mind, started to explore each other's bodies. Every day. Every single day it pops up in my body i feel sick. So sick. It's normal for teens to explore but even so, I should've known. J never knew. Me and Ja never talk-
I always think about the stupid shit I did when I was a teen. I cheated on partners. Wanted love from the next person that thought my body was beautiful. I say "taken advantage of", but I should've known. From 16-17 I was with my ex J. Then I met D. I when I was with J, I went over to a friend's-
Hi hi, I'm Quinn. I am @amequinnx.bsky.social 's priv... ish. More personal. I will talk about more TMI things, such as (CW):
- Relapse
- Masturbation
- Medical/Period stuff
- Uni struggles
Rest assured it won't be anything too fucked. Just more tmi stuff I don't wanna share on the main
Thx <3
