Diskgrinder

Donald Trump, as a bewigged insane king, is recapitulating history on the other side. Think on, America, it’s time to dump tea in the harbour again

There are parking meters in London getting paid more per hour than [insert job] but don’t insert job, he’s had enough from this other god who didn’t
Kill
Anyone

Getting an edge word in seems to be social media just now

Things are looking up —
Things with glistening eyes

Complacency (n.) the idea you’ll get this joke without me bothering tomorrow

Most cats are predators, moist cats are sharks

I’ll look for you in the valleys of Lincolnshire and the mountains of Finland, the forests of the Sahara, and the minute of half past gone

As a sufferer of vertigo every cliff is a near death experience

Doing exams clearly prepares us for all those times you’re not allowed to look up things in order to do your job

I’ve invented an electron microscope that may or may not text Heisenberg depending on the health of his cat scan

Is it base 8? Also doesn’t grace alone save face? We should be tolled

Trump declares that minutes should be numbered in firsts

As organs fail at least we’ll have the ear of the president

The rule of law to be replaced by the law of rule. Coming to you last year in theatres near you

Heaven call centre: your death is important to us, you are number one billion and forty three in the queue. This call may be recorded for training porpoises

In an AI cost cutting exercise, Gandalf sacks all his staff.

Balrog passes

Most trees are on land; moist trees are sea weed

I’ve been half way through that book in the next decade

Onomatopoeia: the sound of a cat relieving themselves on a rug

Farce (n.) where farts come from

Fact fun: eyes have been evolved on at least three separate occasions just so monsters can look at each other

Karate kid but it’s about grammar: whack’s on, whacks off

I watch grandmasters play chess in order to understand that there are things I will never understand that other people do

When you go to the circus, never strike a happy medium

One thing Christian apologists forget, whilst they piss and wine about how God is hidden, is that God is just the narcissism of mankind lonely in a universe that doesn’t give two fucks about them

If Donald Trump was your uncle and you found out he drowned in custard, you wouldn’t be surprised

The matter of the universe is measured in the happiness of dogs

If eternity is a thing you are judged on a molecule of a gnat’s fart from its tiny anus in order to either be in hell or heaven

If death is a full stop on your sentence, have many verbs and clauses in between

One of my jobs back in the 1980s was take large hadrons to the collider.