R. Riekkinen ✦

I’m a bit biased but yeah it’s a great look🤝

YouTube video by Roadrunner Records Type O Negative - I Don't Wanna Be Me [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Also I remember I listened to this song a looooot the year before I decided to do something about my gender dysphoria, looking back it’s a bit oof to think that back then, I was still partly like ”yup nothing to see here, I don’t need to do anything about this feeling” m.youtube.com/watch?v=LXIW...

The appointments went well, the nurse said I’ll likely get see a doctor next. She did ask about my long hair again when we were talking about how I would like to be perceived genderwise. But this time she understood the aesthetic by adding that yeah, in metal circles, long-haired mascs are common

Ghosts II • pencil on paper

I hope this is just a small, awkward hiccup or perhaps a misunderstanding and they won’t get stuck in the way I look or expect me to look a certain way pre everything. Because at the end of the first appointment, the nurse said that my gender identity seems rather clear and coherent

Yeah this. It is very common to see masc folks with long hair and in Finland you have to have lived under a rock tbh if you haven’t heard metal music or seen the style related to it. I also don’t wear make-up and dress in black clothes so I thought the style and vibe was rather obvious

And when I say that strive to look like an androgynous or slightly ”feminine” masc person, I don’t even mean it in a way where I would think that my long hair - for example - is somehow inherently ”feminine”. But I know it is often culturally constructed as such *sigh*

Yeah same, I used to listen to mostly metal bands in my teens and for me long hair has never been something automatically ”feminine” and I also don’t view my own hair as such.

I’m feeling optimistic about it, the nurse is kind and I’m now officially a patient there so things are moving forward 🤞

Yeah people really fail to see that gendering certain things, such as hairstyles, as feminine or masculine is just a cultural construction. Good for you tho, not cutting it short! And I agree, I mean long hair can be very masculine

As if being transmasc would automatically mean that every single trans man or transmasc individual wants to look like the most stereotypical, heteronormative cis man you can find and that for some people = masculinity. And if you do not conform to their idea of gender, they get confused *sigh*

Binary, heteronormative gender norms are so frustrating, like you know, my gender goal as a transmasc person kinda is to read as a rather androgynous, somewhat ”feminine” looking masc person. I wish this wasn’t so hard for folks to understand, gender is a spectrum.

Yeah this and same with being transmasc, as if you need to be a walking heteronormative stereotype and have short hair to be transmasc, so frustrating

What frustrates me about this is that I doubt based in past experience that people pay attention to my long hair especially and automatically gender that as ”feminine”. Yeah I could cut it short in an attempt to conform to the narrow gender norms but I would just grow it long again at some point 🫠

The nurse is friendly and kind and genuinely seems like she wishes to help the best she can, but yeah the binary and stereotypical ideas of gender have deep roots it seems even if she genuinely seems to do her best. But yeah how someone looks shouldn’t be that relevant in the first place

Just a bit frustrating to be faced with these expectations since the nurse had written ”a transmasc nonbinary patient, but doesn’t aim for 100% gender neutrality and also doesn’t represent as such” so I was left wondering if she actually meant that I looked ”feminine” rather than androgynous or masc

It’s weird how someone can go ”okay so you’re a transmasc person, but hmm you don’t look 100% androgynous or gender-neutral” first of all those are culturally constructed ideas of gender and secondly, yeah why do you think that I’m here for, at the gender clinic to get help for my gender dysphoria

Though even last time I wore a biker jacket, a black T-shirt and cargo pants and my hair wasn’t open either so idk, it’s frustraiting how some people have such narrow views of gender, the culturally constructed, heteronormative idea of masculinity is very tightly rooted in their minds

During my first trip to the clinic I was so nervous but this time I feel more grounded even though still somewhat nervous. Time to think about what I should wear to the clinic though, since unfortunately some folks there have a bit binary expectations of what a transmasc person should look like

My second gender clinic appointment is only a few days away from now, time flies

Oh I see! I also had a strain injury in my shoulder at some point, caused by too much repetitive volume and not resting enough between workouts (yeah oof). So I got worried for a second since I got the impression that you were doing strength training exercises for arms every day

I'm glad you've found those posts motivating! Maybe at some point, I'll see if I could make a more detailed blog post about this whole journey so far if folks would be interested in that🤔

I have started to mention this since I remember thinking I was getting "old" even when I was 27 💀 And when I hit 30, I started to feel like it was already "too late" for me what the heck. Thinking about that feels completely bonkers now of course

I know we're all seeing 87 unhinged things per day, but "guys if our multi billion dollar product doesn't start being useful for something, literally anything, the people might not appreciate us wrecking the planet over it anymore" is a truly bananapants thing to say out loud

My art for Vinebred Brawler for Magic the Gathering. He's the same elf as in Dawnhand Eulogist!

Art directed by the amazing Deborah Garcia : )

Hmm I’ve made a few blog posts about this topic on tumblr when people have asked me something spesific, using hashtags ”gym stuff” ”workout stuff” and ”fitness journey” plus talked about my journey in the comments under these posts here on Bsky, but I haven’t made a detailed master post about it

[AI bubble bursts] billionaire tech bro: the stupid consumer did not understand it

I’m always rather nervous during the clinic appointments but I’m still happy they accepted me as a patient last summer🙏 even if the diagnosis progress is often rather long partly due to resource constraints (and thank youuu!)

Thank you! Glad you found this inspiring 💪✨

Thank you kindly!