Horror movie idea: I share some words of encouragement
Black cat magic will make your Wednesday night significantly better.
I'm more interested in the casual, breezy sort of mental illness that they have in the pharmaceutical ads
I'm at work and my ice cream sandwiches are at home ... how fucked up is that
It's like we're being water boarded by stupidity.
can't escape this odd feeling that I'm entering my open faced sandwich era
Who are they gonna blame when their 401k is 000k?
Oh shit is it my turn to post something?
Don't ask for whom the butthole tolls, it tolls for thee
no..my groucho marx's glasses stay on during le sex,mon amour
A profound exhaustion so sublime that you want to embrace it and hold on to it and not surrender to sleep
Val Kilmer as Doc Holliday was unmatched 🤌
👇
Not a lot of people know this but paint thinner tastes exactly like it smells
[walking past a guy standing outside of his car with the engine running]
My brain: STEAL IT AND RUN OVER HIM WITH IT
Some people sail through life with absolutely no idea that they’re a cunt.
And that’s where I come in…
👇😁
When they go low, pee on them.
Marginally functional is merely an aspiration
I forgot to pack my capacity to experience joy
Try to get your screams out before you go to sleep.
If I were a man, I would just shut up
I want to spring clean my internal organs when the sun comes out. I feel dusty inside
want to feel old?
then look in the mirror you wrinkly fuck...
Some good news would hit so hard right now.
if you die choking on a corn dog then can I have the rest of your corn dog
At least people stopped telling me it’s wrong to wish death on people. I knew you’d come around
I trimmed the scary part of my bush and called it a day
This made me smile.
