filth_waste

i haven’t seen a koo attempt go this badly since the jan 6th protester tased his own balls

Oh yeah, at work someone advised me to remove em dashes from something I’d written because it implies AI wrote it. So now this shit between me and AI is fuckin personal

I accidentally used the decorative towel to dry my hands and now I have to irish goodbye my grandma

i just hope that after the imminent collapse of society there'll still be high-paying jobs for people who excel at responding to slack messages

are there any RPGs where like the shopkeeper eventually says "stop bringing me silver helms, i cant sell 10,000 silver fucking helms"

putting in some extra work at the gym so my bullets do an additional +5 damage

i would download the fuck out of a car

when there was only one set of footprints that was when i was sending feet pics to your dad

coffee isn’t enough i need to be put inside a giant rock tumbler

(encountering anyone) well this guy must be dealing with a lot

you can tell I don't live with a man anymore by the way my windows are open and heater is on

of course I turn on the seat warmer for the pizza, I’m not a monster

Monty Hall Advent Calendar

Reading about the Luigi trial and there's never been a clearer evidence that you should always get your fast food order to go.

i haven’t seen a koo attempt go this badly since the jan 6th protester tased his own balls

pardoned turkeys often have a hard time being reintroduced to turkey society

i buy two frills for the turkey legs and one for the bedroom wink wink

Does Tom Brady's chin grow every year like rings on a tree

Some bees don't even appreciate their own knees cos body dysmorphia

OLD 1920’S PLAYWRIGHT: and there is a french character named (leans in for effect) jacques bouillabaisse

HIS SUPPORTIVE FRIEND: omg hahahaha no way bro that is FIRE

[in the broadest west-country accent you ever heard] spit in my mouth

Dance Dance Convalescence

the road to madness passes through the valley of political discourse on linkedin

some tech bro is gonna be like "disrupt the way u toilet" and the next day eleven people are crammed into an outhouse and sent to the moon

Boil the kettle, steep the tea, let it cool, forget the tea, microwave the mug... the ADHD morning ritual

dreamt about nanobots that fell in love, replicated, and covered the earth in grey goo until life was extinguished. why am i like this

welcome to the bone zone (autonomous)

If I had kids, like more than one, I'd definitely have a favorite. More importantly, I'd have a least favorite.

I cried laughing because I had to ride a bus from my connecting flight to the gate and when I was in it I said "do you think the people on this bus would enjoy some horse noises?"

Paul Blart: Mind Freak