Fart Vision

in the future the president will wear a "poop umbilicus" which is like a diaper with a tube and vacuum system that sucks the poop/pee into a tank. they walk around outside wearing only that as clothes in a circle of 50 foot radius (thats the length of the tube) picking up big rocks and throwing them

we should never spring forward but we should keep falling back. accumulating another hour every year doesn't matter it would just create a cool 24 year cycle. deal with it. free extra hour of sleep on one day every year worth it

freaks me out to look at 2006 to here and imagine potentially multiple deltas of similar or greater magnitude playing out in my lifetime

I guess it comes down to whether you think 'knowing things matters' in the imperial core

I guess it's being continuously driven to be even more of an elaborate notary system (ie a degree proves less about what you know and more about your class background, personal stakes, and ability to navigate systems & follow rules). but the limit of that seems clearly unsustainable even short term

no clue 'what college is going to be' in 20 years

I am obsessed with the really strange soundtrack of Occult (2009). Like a ghost is trying to fax you through a casio mini keyboard and corrugated plastic tubes.

lrt self parody world. opening sample to a metalcore song -ass regime

They got a new automated announcement lmao

that was so wild

whats also funny about lrt is they didnt even go hunting for a splintery wooden playground or whatever. thats still what a normal playground looks like now bro like you could have taken that picture last week in any american city that receives snowfall

sunsofcarcosa Badge image. Feb 3 my dealer: got some straight gas. this strain is called "honorable knight" youll be zonked out of your gourd me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit 5 minutes later: only in death does duty end my buddy pacing: i am the sword and the hand that wields it

#damn

That one homie who's an iconic pollinator,[8] but they're not even an especially effective pollinator of milkweeds.[9] ☠️

(forgetting the cliche) they’re saying the inside thoughts with their outdoor voice…

most americans just want a president they could imagine sitting down and having a really weird disgusting drink that a bunch of 5 year olds made out of dirt and leaves and laundry detergent etc with

Handing out torn off pieces of paper to my coworkers and telling them they have earned 1 rockstar point

just go in the apartment next to you open the door and walk in

coach who fills the cabin of the team airplane with pressurized fart gas like a hyperbaric chamber. they pass out and dont notice but over time they get fart crystal deposits in their lungs

"can i get a little ai on that dog?"
"sure thing boss" (rubs the hot dog on a phone before putting it in the bun)

(at the bar) "Hey! You're a computer man!" (to crowd) "yo it's a computer man!" (everyone) "We love you computer man! We love you and we are so thankful for all the computing you have done!" (chanting) "Compu-ter-man! Compu-ter-man! Compu-ter-man!"

ray smuckles imagines little nephew saying "Game Box, MySpace, Flickr. You-Tube. IP telephony. People don't get chicken pox anymore." achewood 7/18/2006

reviewing data from a guy who only turns on his glasses to look at his own poop in the toilet and say "wow!"

a weekend draws near...

imagining carlin taking "its not a war, its a kinetic engagement" and running with it for 15 minutes

how correct can one man be

"Whether Life Polishes You Up Or Grinds You Down Depends On What You're Made Of"

still think about that story where one of the expos batting coaches was super excited because vladimir guerrero asked to meet him in the batting cages and he'd never wanted his help before and then when he got there found out vlad had brought his son and just wanted him to teach vlad jr how to hit

damn venezuela

this one is really good. didn't see it on the mlb site, does new era have other designs on theirs?