Magachurch Pastor 🙌 🇺🇸

On Sunday, I'm bringing my wife's dad up on stage with his bad leg. If anyone doesn't stand and clap--and also doesn't hit up his Venmo that'll be on the big screen--I'm going to assume they're a Demon-rat and throw them out!!

As a magachurch pastor, I celebrated "Ash Wednesday" by sneaking up behind people in the mall with a Wet Wipe and cleaning off their grimy foreheads before shouting, "You're welcome!!" and running away.

Friends, if Zelenskyy is a dictator, why does Pres Trump not like him? You would think that’d be a selling point!

Unpopular opinion, but I'm glad the U.S. is cutting funding for Ebola prevention, and that the FDA isn't going to choose a good influenza shot for next year. For too long mortality rates in this country have been low. We need to get competitive again!!!

Friends, with all the airplane accidents lately, I've decided to ground "Air Gospel One" for the foreseeable future. Of course that means my wife Heidi will be unable to fly to Milan for Fashion Week, but this is a sacrifice we must make. Safety first!!

The Jezebel spirit is strong in that one for sure

Friends, although I issued an order changing the name of our south parking lot to "The Parking Lot of America" one of my Assistant Pastors refuses to call it that. So I had no choice but to ban him from the building.

I scheduled a very special all-church "Super Bowl Prayer Gathering" for tonight. I'm sure my assistant pastors did a good job leading it. I wasn't able to make it, since I'm in a suite at the game in New Orleans 🙏

Yesterday, I was blessed to lead a prayer vigil outside my local Target store to protest whatever might happen during the Super Bowl half-time show tomorrow night. Just covering all my bases 🙏

Friends, the recipe for a long and healthy life is avoiding vaccines and eating lots of fast-food burgers and fries. Turns out, the antioxidant properties of ketchup will protect your body, mind, and spirit against any harm. Not that Fauci would ever admit to that!

I have given DOGE full access to the confidential payroll information for our church and I'm hoping they will root out the wasteful overspending of my Assistant Pastors. Not my spending or my wife's, but those other people on staff.

Just being honest here. As a magachurch pastor, if I’m scared of something I just call it “woke”

Holy crap that looks amazing!

Oh no, was it Kristi Noem?

Could you send it to me in a Word doc? Not a PDF, a Word doc. No particular reason.

I just read that Mel Gibson didn’t know he was one of President Trump’s “Ambassadors to Hollywood” until he read it on Twitter. I was surprised because Mr. Trump is usually way more careful with his words. Looks like the Deep State is working overtime to embarrass him. Again!

Friends, when a hurricane rips through a southern state, that's called a weather pattern. When wildfires rip through California, that's called God's judgment on those godless commies. I don't make the rules, the Lord works in mysterious ways. I just follow where he leads!!

You've got a little under 50 weeks to examine all the relevant evidence. Tick-tock

Leaving church on Sunday, I spotted an aging minivan with a flat tire. Driving up, I saw 3 kids inside and a flustered mom straining to loosen a lug nut. When she couldn't budge it after 4 tries, I jumped in to help, praying from my car for her success. Still thinking about them today.

Only 50 more weeks to clarify your position

Start your New Year off right!

Join with me and my church in "21 Days Of Prayer To Be More Generous To My Ministry". DM me for details. You'll be so blessed--by how you bless me in 2025!!

You can have until Dec. 24th next year to think it over

Friends, there are 800,000 years of ice core layers in the Antarctic, and there's a star whose light has taken 12.9 billion years to reach earth. Yet I believe the universe was created in 6 days (Mon-Sat) 6,000 years ago and that is a hill I will die on!!

Thank you to the talented local artist who created “Angel Wings” that has been proudly on display at the church this Christmas season!!

Brianna is a real shoulder to cry on right now, I'll tell you that much

Da dum da da da daaaaa, dum da daa, dum da daaa daaaa

You are welcome.

Sad to report that Heidi and I are going through a trial separation. It’s no big deal, we’ll work it out. I’m temporarily staying with my Assistant Pastor, Felix. Earlier, his wife had requested that he never return. I hope we can live together without driving each other crazy.

Celebrating the REASON for the SEASON today. And by that I mean all the generous, recurring givers to my ministry! Merry Christmas (so happy we can say it again without threat of reprisal).

They make their own jeans and soap at home, but they're big givers. So it's kind of a mixed bag...

It's all right there in plain sight!!