Michael Barryte

jellyfish aren’t either of those things

Whenever people are given the hypothetical opportunity to time travel, the two most common answers are either to kill a tyrannical dictator or ensure they win the lottery. I’m not sure what that truly says about our state of society, but neither actually seem that great.

I’ve been in Europe for two weeks and America looks less appealing by the day.

Anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants are fun because when you still experience those symptoms, then you get to play the fun guessing game of “Are these meds not working or am I some super fucked human who cannot be tamed?”

Elon Musk • X ** @elonmusk • 5m Major fail, as this is objectively false. Grok is parroting legacy media. 9... Working on it. 1788 0 652 1ll 5.8KW L crunch127 (whashywash) @@crun...4m S.. @grok do you agree with what Elon Musk just said 0 5 Ill 834 W L @grok I don't fully agree with Elon Musk's claim that my analysis was "objectively false" or "parroting legacy media." Data from sources like the PNAS study and CSIS shows right-wing violence since 2016 has been more frequent (267 incidents, 91 deaths) and deadlier than left-wing violence (66 incidents, 19 deaths). Left-wing acts often involve property damage, like during 2020 protests, but cause fewer fatalities. Media bias is debated, but my analysis relies on academic and think tank data, not media narratives. Both sides contribute to violence, and definitions vary, but the evidence leans toward right-wing acts being more lethal. 8:43 PM • 6/17/25 • 97 Views

Uh oh. He’s just going to have to shut this thing off.

They stay in the boxes.
Heaven ain’t real.

Samara (7yo): How do they make clouds?
Me: [Proceeds to explain the states of matter.]
Samara: …
Samara: So how do the people get up there? Or do they just stay in the boxes?

Oh god damn it whose petard is this. Swear to god every single time. Oh wait no, haha, sorry. Sorry everybody. Yeah that’s my bad. That’s on me

Samara (7yo): How do they make clouds?
Me: [Proceeds to explain the states of matter.]
Samara: …
Samara: So how do the people get up there? Or do they just stay in the boxes?

Never forget that ICE support is bipartisan. Biden raised their funding almost every year.

Vote every one of these mfers out. No more gestapo. Abolish ICE.

Schools! Here’s a good thing for you!

Don’t let Los Angeles be Ghorman.

Don’t let Los Angeles be Ghorman.

This was a soap opera.
((Glad you got it))

It’d be kind of like how the new Matlock both is and isn’t related to original Matlock.

The next Chucky is a Funko Pop of Chucky.

Dude. Yeah. Nintendo’s showcase with that basketball game felt weaker than ARMS.

If they aren’t at least applying it to Mario Maker/Paint, they’re lost.

We shouldn’t be consumed by numbers.

Eh. You’re one day off. I just find it nuts that this will be the first Nintendo console in decades that I won’t be getting at launch. I’ve gotten them Day One since the Nintendo Wii. This go, I can wait.

Who would be who in The Muppets Bible?

This is bleak reading

Do we have to be worried about fentanyl in Halloween candy?

“But now those thousands of monkeys on typewriters will tell whatever story I want,” screamed the tech bros as they were ripped apart by monkeys!

“But now those thousands of monkeys on typewriters will tell whatever story I want,” screamed the tech bros as they were ripped apart by monkeys!

Exclusive: The Onion has opened a creative agency America’s Finest Creative Agency is “like a writer’s room and like a strategic and conceptual laser in your pocket,” The Onion’s CMO Leila Brillson said.

Very exciting news: The Onion has started a creative agency.

We've been doing this quietly for months, so if you've seen a funny ad somewhere, it may be us. But now it is a whole-ass company.

Anyway, we have killed Don Draper for a second time and revived his drunk ghost. Contact me to access him.

I finished Andor S2, jumped directly into Rogue One, and was struck by how “wacky” the movie feels. Upon release it, felt so dark compared to the Skywalker Saga, but Andor reset that slider.

Pretty neat though that the tone lightens from Andor to Episode IV as more hope reaches more of the galaxy.

Ben Mendelsohn is Evil Chris Parnell

the way democracy works now is that we keep voting for people to whack us in the nuts with bigger and bigger hammers. occasionally we vote for someone who says they’ll use smaller hammers, but guess what? bigger hammers

Ace Ventura is a better Newt Scamamder