Jason, ex Inferis

I HAVE AN ENGLISH DEGREE! I DIDN’T SAY I NEVER TOOK THEM!

Microdosing being MAGA by starting a Gofundme for my boss

When billionaires buy stupid shit just because they can, that's Accumulati

Cop: You’re accused of stalking.

Me: I prefer to be thought of as a very focused secret admirer.

What wine pairs best with power? I want to be drunk with multiple things at once.

Chuck Tingle's newest novel titled Not Pounded By This T-Rex on the USA Men's Hockey Team Because It Turns Out He's a MAGA Dork Cover image is a woman giving a thumbs down while the rejected dinosaur hockey player wishes he had made better choices with his life

Next month's book club selection

If remote science was pseudoscience we would just call it "remote pseudoscience" or "is your omniscient book mind of baby names in the room with us right now"

I knew someone who actually died on a hill. I refused to attend the funeral because I don’t reward clichés.

Take to the backroads and let them know you mean meandering

Even my Southern mother says it's now okay to wish for him to die, guys, it's cool

just saw michelle wolf say us-rael and great minds, am I right

come for the tits and ass, stay for the clinical depression and chronic illness

So in my own headlock lately saying the mantra to stop questioning yourself stop questioning yourself that I just hand over my lunch money to my other hand

Anyone gotten a good look at his feet?

(No weirdos)

I am going to spend all day embroidering DRAFT BARRON shirts, want one?

When they hand out laser guns at Sunday mass is it a church pew pew?

It’s funny how dead AI was the second “slop” caught on.

*sensing a single loose hair somewhere on my body* I am superhuman

You never really get fully clean again.

Oof. I saw The National open for Murder by Death and I saw the War on Drugs at a festival and I had to be reminded of both of those things. Two of my favorite bands. Smh.

There should be a word for the pain of knowing you saw a band long before you loved them

There's an Italian restaurant by me with a neon sign that says "Shrimp Mussels Clams" and my new new year's resolution is to steal it

Grown ass man eating granola

Sweet baby buddha there’s baseball on the radio right now in spite of all the bullshit and that’s some good medicine

All wars great and small

Just saw a kid at the Staples returns counter who looked exactly like one of The Lone Gunmen from X-Files. There’s hope for the future, fam

I always spit before I toss slops over the gunwale

*busting through the door covered in sweat because I just ran from Florida* IT’S THE METS!! SHE LOVES THE METS!!

so awesome that we found a way to make podcasts even more annoying by filming them as they're being recorded

coworker on team meeting, mostly based in Philly: who’s your [baseball] team, D?

me, feeling unsafe: I don’t wanna say…