I HAVE AN ENGLISH DEGREE! I DIDNβT SAY I NEVER TOOK THEM!
01.03.2026 17:49 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0I HAVE AN ENGLISH DEGREE! I DIDNβT SAY I NEVER TOOK THEM!
01.03.2026 17:49 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Microdosing being MAGA by starting a Gofundme for my boss
01.03.2026 17:30 β π 52 π 7 π¬ 0 π 0When billionaires buy stupid shit just because they can, that's Accumulati
27.02.2026 16:13 β π 78 π 23 π¬ 3 π 1
Cop: Youβre accused of stalking.
Me: I prefer to be thought of as a very focused secret admirer.
What wine pairs best with power? I want to be drunk with multiple things at once.
27.02.2026 21:11 β π 134 π 52 π¬ 7 π 0Chuck Tingle's newest novel titled Not Pounded By This T-Rex on the USA Men's Hockey Team Because It Turns Out He's a MAGA Dork Cover image is a woman giving a thumbs down while the rejected dinosaur hockey player wishes he had made better choices with his life
Next month's book club selection
28.02.2026 00:07 β π 71 π 13 π¬ 1 π 0If remote science was pseudoscience we would just call it "remote pseudoscience" or "is your omniscient book mind of baby names in the room with us right now"
28.02.2026 05:44 β π 48 π 29 π¬ 2 π 0I knew someone who actually died on a hill. I refused to attend the funeral because I donβt reward clichΓ©s.
28.02.2026 15:25 β π 125 π 34 π¬ 5 π 0Take to the backroads and let them know you mean meandering
28.02.2026 18:13 β π 79 π 51 π¬ 1 π 0Even my Southern mother says it's now okay to wish for him to die, guys, it's cool
28.02.2026 19:14 β π 254 π 41 π¬ 8 π 1just saw michelle wolf say us-rael and great minds, am I right
28.02.2026 21:45 β π 11 π 1 π¬ 0 π 0come for the tits and ass, stay for the clinical depression and chronic illness
28.02.2026 21:47 β π 100 π 17 π¬ 0 π 0So in my own headlock lately saying the mantra to stop questioning yourself stop questioning yourself that I just hand over my lunch money to my other hand
01.03.2026 05:52 β π 64 π 35 π¬ 2 π 0
Anyone gotten a good look at his feet?
(No weirdos)
I am going to spend all day embroidering DRAFT BARRON shirts, want one?
01.03.2026 15:21 β π 63 π 8 π¬ 1 π 0When they hand out laser guns at Sunday mass is it a church pew pew?
01.03.2026 15:33 β π 63 π 23 π¬ 1 π 0Itβs funny how dead AI was the second βslopβ caught on.
01.03.2026 15:48 β π 16 π 2 π¬ 0 π 0*sensing a single loose hair somewhere on my body* I am superhuman
01.03.2026 15:58 β π 106 π 24 π¬ 4 π 0You never really get fully clean again.
01.03.2026 15:36 β π 7 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0Oof. I saw The National open for Murder by Death and I saw the War on Drugs at a festival and I had to be reminded of both of those things. Two of my favorite bands. Smh.
01.03.2026 15:34 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0There should be a word for the pain of knowing you saw a band long before you loved them
28.02.2026 13:48 β π 219 π 39 π¬ 16 π 3There's an Italian restaurant by me with a neon sign that says "Shrimp Mussels Clams" and my new new year's resolution is to steal it
28.02.2026 02:33 β π 269 π 45 π¬ 14 π 0Grown ass man eating granola
01.03.2026 15:31 β π 53 π 14 π¬ 8 π 0Sweet baby buddha thereβs baseball on the radio right now in spite of all the bullshit and thatβs some good medicine
28.02.2026 19:35 β π 131 π 25 π¬ 7 π 0All wars great and small
28.02.2026 07:52 β π 70 π 21 π¬ 4 π 0Just saw a kid at the Staples returns counter who looked exactly like one of The Lone Gunmen from X-Files. Thereβs hope for the future, fam
28.02.2026 20:58 β π 75 π 16 π¬ 1 π 0I always spit before I toss slops over the gunwale
01.03.2026 13:14 β π 59 π 18 π¬ 9 π 0*busting through the door covered in sweat because I just ran from Florida* ITβS THE METS!! SHE LOVES THE METS!!
01.03.2026 15:29 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0so awesome that we found a way to make podcasts even more annoying by filming them as they're being recorded
27.02.2026 00:21 β π 810 π 90 π¬ 21 π 0
coworker on team meeting, mostly based in Philly: whoβs your [baseball] team, D?
me, feeling unsafe: I donβt wanna sayβ¦