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10.03.2026 13:36 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0🤫🤫
10.03.2026 13:36 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Desperately trying to use my turtleneck to cover up my double chin, "does this shirt make me look like a spatula?"
06.03.2026 17:10 — 👍 73 🔁 27 💬 4 📌 0Do these pants make me look like I am undulating with ants?
07.03.2026 03:39 — 👍 102 🔁 36 💬 4 📌 0Oh, hey, look at Jesus in his Crocs, hanging above the altar for all to bask in his comfortable glory.
07.03.2026 16:26 — 👍 49 🔁 19 💬 4 📌 0IT'S FINE, YOU CAN HAVE IT, I DON'T WANT IT. ONE LESS HOUR TO BE SAD ANYWAY.
08.03.2026 16:33 — 👍 456 🔁 91 💬 6 📌 1Hold on, I need time to go back home and cover myself in egg yolk before I can go out again.
08.03.2026 22:01 — 👍 38 🔁 18 💬 2 📌 0I am just an International Woman, drinking International Delight straight from the bottle.
08.03.2026 23:18 — 👍 101 🔁 23 💬 5 📌 0Five secretions to get to know me by:
09.03.2026 17:49 — 👍 69 🔁 28 💬 2 📌 1Unread all the words that ever were until we are all once again just primordial muck.
09.03.2026 22:07 — 👍 57 🔁 28 💬 3 📌 0CEO ISN'T A REAL JOB.
10.03.2026 00:00 — 👍 248 🔁 60 💬 2 📌 1the heart is a lumpy lopsided fist of a muscle yet I have resisted the urge to hit you with it you're welcome
10.03.2026 11:58 — 👍 151 🔁 55 💬 9 📌 0It’s Thursday, or as I like to call it, one day closer to the end.
26.02.2026 13:31 — 👍 122 🔁 56 💬 3 📌 1I’m not saying I’m depressed, but I’m listening to the Smiths as a pick me up.
26.02.2026 13:45 — 👍 333 🔁 92 💬 15 📌 2You can do anything you set your mind to, you stupid motherfucker.
26.02.2026 16:01 — 👍 187 🔁 84 💬 5 📌 2Just commissioned a portrait of myself that will be called, “Festering Garbage in Repose.”
26.02.2026 17:39 — 👍 77 🔁 40 💬 4 📌 0“Good news!” he happily declared, clearly in the middle of a psychotic break.
26.02.2026 20:12 — 👍 137 🔁 52 💬 2 📌 1Why are there so many realistic cake pranks? When did we start weaponizing cake
27.01.2026 02:51 — 👍 20 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0Is it intrusive thoughts or the indomitable human spirit?
29.01.2026 13:48 — 👍 15 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0Everyone is bricking their phone and quitting drinking while I have wine and scroll like hell 😎
29.01.2026 23:50 — 👍 28 🔁 2 💬 4 📌 0Putting “I’m not a real doctor, but I am a real worm” on my LinkedIn
30.01.2026 00:16 — 👍 52 🔁 8 💬 2 📌 1I was looking for a card that said “I would red dye 40 for you,” but Hallmark isn’t on my level yet.
14.02.2026 21:02 — 👍 30 🔁 6 💬 1 📌 0Hopemaxxing (hoping you’ll never see a reference to looksmaxxing again)
21.02.2026 17:34 — 👍 26 🔁 7 💬 1 📌 0Why do bad podcast ads happen to good people?
28.02.2026 02:22 — 👍 16 🔁 2 💬 2 📌 0On my que sera, sera shit
02.03.2026 14:03 — 👍 16 🔁 6 💬 1 📌 0Please respect my privacy at this time as a balloon slowly deflates in my apartment and I increasingly project human emotions on it.
03.03.2026 18:08 — 👍 58 🔁 15 💬 1 📌 0I’m not saving anything to drafts, okay. I’m all in or I’m all out, and I’m mostly all out 😌
04.03.2026 01:09 — 👍 30 🔁 4 💬 2 📌 0If you can’t love me at my poster’s madness, you don’t deserve me at my poster’s sanity
05.03.2026 00:56 — 👍 33 🔁 6 💬 0 📌 0I told my friends a restaurant I’ve been to twice had a second floor and later found out it actually has a lower level. So I’m not “make up a floor” crazy, but I am “forget if it’s up or down” crazy.
06.03.2026 15:46 — 👍 16 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0Hoping for the best-core
09.03.2026 12:34 — 👍 17 🔁 5 💬 0 📌 0It's international women's day so if I've ever made you laugh you owe me an international woman
08.03.2026 19:34 — 👍 163 🔁 32 💬 3 📌 0