eldritchaub

they should replace security at airports with a basic manners quiz istg

i put in way too much effort to look insanely pretty for people to still call me a guy. like just admit that you think im hot as fuck for once

me and my girlfriend got into an arguemtn today and she ended up shooting me and im currently paralysed from the waist downby the way have you listened to bullet for myvalentine

Him:

God i need to stuff him so bad

'hmmm i feel like running hot water right now...' - my parents as soon as i enter the shower

Silent Planet meditation sesh went hard as fuck

More bands need to do that like guys how bout we all just chill out for a couple minutes im tired

they call me vegan hannibal because of the way i eat out fruits

alright then baby, you can maul some children as a little treat

My puppygirl just mauled a toddler to death for crying too loudly and now i have to put her down

damn girl are you a homosexual asshole doctor addicted to vicodin? because you're my home 😳

will the real miss sugar pink liquor liquor lips please stand up

Whenever i hear the phrase “its a dog eat dog world” i get so hard thinking abouy lesbian puppygirl sex i pass out

“You’re not a puppy!” Well why do i have a ‘tail’bone if im not a cute little puppy wagging my tail for mommy? Hmmmm? Exactly.

Hope everyone has the best holiday! Especially very good puppy girls who like being called mommy's pretty girls 🥰

scientists have created a new technology called 'the internet'. it allows one to be a hopeless lesbian at all hours of the day, wherever they are, with someone thousands of miles away.

@eldritchaub.bsky.social us

you dont understand, franklin bit a child and had to be put down

my two moods: fuck the government and fuck me

new silent planet somehow making me pissed and horny at the same time?

i don't really think throwing glass in a stone house is all that much better

straight up bouncing and moaning on 'it'. and by 'it', haha, well. let's justr say. My pogo stick.

if we both push hard enough we can move wales and poland closer to each other

i think tectonic plates work like that at least

I love love so much 😭 🏳️‍🌈

❌ not wearing goggles
❌ not wearing gloves
❌ hair is not tied up to prevent contamination
her ass is NOT lab safe ‼️‼️‼️

The feminine urge to stay home and snuggle and be warm and comfy is driving me crazy in this capitalist environment

i have blocked sinuses and i must sneeze

why do migraines make me want to listen to the most mind-numbingly heavy metal?