jacob

"People Keep Asking If I'm Smoking Weed, And I Haven't Really Had An Answer, But Yeah, I'm Thinking I'm Smoking Weed." - john wick if he was cool

the us hockey team visiting the president really surprises me because wealthy white kids are normally such upstanding and morally sound citizens. also i was born 30 minutes ago goo goo gaga or whatever

at the wedding straight up forever holding "it." and by "it" I mean haha well, let's justr say. my peacits

🫡

thought it was pretty fucked up the last page of the epstein files just says "...THE ARISTOCRATS!"

machine learning? boy i hope not

i know this is really late but "chicago pope" sounds like one of those fake tv shows from 30 rock

can't think of a single solitary motherfucker whose neck i'd like to wring more than matt walsh. in the grand scheme he probably hasn't done that much but he definitely thinks he has and that's infuriating.

*interior designer/winemaker voice*
so uhhh... does the carpet match the grapes

i probably won't speak to another person for more than 5 minutes until at least tuesday and idk how many more stretches like that i got left in me man.

people who use excessive line breaks in posts should be drug through the town square by a big truck

the little debbie star crunch deserved to have a big moment on the internet but people aren't ready for that conversation...

this reddit comment sits heavy on my heart today

i am not suicidal but i cannot shake the feeling that i don't have much longer to be around. it really does feel like i've been playing an rpg with my character built all wrong but i'm too far into the game to go back. went with the dumb sack of shit build instead of greatsword guy. classic blunder.

can't trust anyone nowadays smh

I will canvass for whichever candidate runs on putting this man in prison in 2028.

A lot of y'all clearly have no idea how many pounds of fentanyl a child can keep under a beanie and it shows. Glad we're getting these hardened criminals out of here. I feel safe when I go to walmart to lick the magazines now.

i'm sure the government has already permafucked the food supply and we'll catch the real effects from that in a year or two but i want to make one thing clear: i refuse to be killed by food. it will not happen to me. lack of food? sure. but no goddamn leaf of lettuce will be the end of me.

world may suck but both my main music projects are firing on all fuckin cylinders baby. banger after banger after banger.

the highly controversial new king of wakanda

do conservative catholics not know that conservative protestants fucking hate them? a pastor dropped the banger "there's no hope in the pope" completely unprompted like 5 times at my GRANDPA'S FUNERAL.

time for a nice hot horm and cheese

look me in the eyes and tell me this guy makes it more than 30 seconds alone with a dead body before he tries to suck the toes.

every time i see another new ghoul in government it's always some sickly looking limpy fuck who looks like he was just told "unfortunately sir you can not work at this mortuary. you are far too creepy."

i will give anyone $300 to make sure i never see the word "vibe" again. and no you can't kill me i've already tried.

love watching conservatives cheer for iran as if they wouldn't just try to order ARROWS CON POLO if they saw an iranian

well shit. i loved his salad dressings.

presented without commentary

gonna start pronouncing ralph stanley like ralph fiennes to destabilize the local economy