Luke Moran

This is called “entering a flow state” ☺️

Who Was Jeffery Epstein? Find out by watching 'The Onion Investigates: Jeffery Epstein' on The Onion here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjhSoGcQhWU

The GOP guy who owns all the voting machines now has a right to change our votes because that’s his private property and I respect business owners ❤️

My toxic trait is that I have a violent temper and am rude to waitstaff unnecessarily lol 😅

I’m building a data center in my bedroom that will raise electricity bills for half the continental US

I was just curious…

I’ve been doing mass surveillance on everyone sorry guys 😔

saw a guy get raptured but when he was floating up in the beam of light he started jerkin’ it and the beam dropped him. he’s dead, he’s dead now and in hell

A completely full Chicago on Michigan Avenue protesting Donald Trump.

Can’t express in words how big this rally in Chicago is. The president’s fascist goon squad is not welcome here.

The Onion News Network truck featuring the headline ICE Opens New Supermax Prison for Most Hardened Toddlers stationed outside the ICE facility.

The Onion News Network truck is currently stationed outside the Broadview ICE Detention facility just outside of Chicago.

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Orchid camp? More like gains camp 🙏

The rap break in tongue-tied by alternative sleaze pop icons grouplove >>>>> 🔥💯

goddamn this guy is good

If I see a job listed with no salary I submit a selfie instead of a resume. If I have to guess then so do they

this might go all the way to the top

sea lion
seal ion
coincidence?
🤔

that’s a fucking bee.

CNBC headline from today: OpenAI CEO Sam Altman says he's 'politically homeless' in July 4 post bashing Democrats

It's so weird how everyone who says they're "politically homeless" is a far right winger who lives in NY or CA and still wants to get invited to parties

Mamdani must explain his tweet from 1740 BC claiming that Ea-nāṣir had "high quality copper"

Me, emptying my new dehumidifier: "Wow bud, you took so much water out of the air, as a reward for doing a good job, I will let you eat more water air tomorrow"

Glad he didn’t say the full F word, had me worried

Hey man, just wanted you to know I was just kidding the entire time we’ve known each other. None of that was my real personality.

Donald Trump does NOT want you to share this footage of his pathetically tiny birthday parade crowd.

Mother Jones headline

Happy 250th, America! We got you a $45 million party run by the same people who nearly ended you.

Can *iiiii* submit articles of impeachment??? Like lil ol me??

@padilla.senate.gov: "We’re a co-equal branch of government, our job is oversight and accountability... If there's an opportunity for me to ask a question in-person at a press conference in my home state, that's me doing my job."

Must be a bummer to be a studio exec right now & have all this arresting innocent working people stuff overshadow the return of HBO Max