DHS is spending $8 million to pay influencers to pump out pro‑ICE content. So we’re literally footing the bill for our own propaganda. This is what they think they can get away with—using our money to sell us a narrative we never asked for.

In America you drop your kid off at school, get your brains blown out on the ride home, then the Vice President drops everything for a week to call you a terrorist, to slander your family, to protect the circumstances that led to your death so they can do it again. It is government by Alex Jones.

This is a true statement‼️
#TrumpsteinFiles

Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot

Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot https://theonion.com/coast-guard-backtracks-on-plan-to-reclassify-swastikas-as-mascot/

Group Of Teen Girls Convinces JD Vance To Kill Himself WASHINGTON—Lighting up his phone night and day with their cruel taunts, a group of teenage girls reportedly convinced Vice President JD Vance to kill himself Tuesday. “Everyone I know thinks you’re so...

Group Of Teen Girls Convinces JD Vance To Kill Himself

Stormtrooper-ass looking cops standing in front of a giant donut.

Give the photographer the Pulitzer Prize

Unpopular Pete Hegseth Forced To Drink Lunch Alone WASHINGTON—Looking around with despair as he searched for an open seat in the Pentagon cafeteria, U.S. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was reportedly forced to drink his lunch alone Wednesday.  Acco...

Unpopular Pete Hegseth Forced To Drink Lunch Alone

All of the above

Amid ‘DEI’ purge, Pentagon removes webpage on Iwo Jima flag-raiser Pages celebrating Navajo code talkers and other minority service members were also erased.

These freaks are trying to erase some of the most heroic, noble and distinguished acts of military service the country has ever seen.

Absolute vandals of our democracy and proud history: www.washingtonpost.com/investigatio...

RFK Jr. Claims Measles Can Be Cured With A Good Concealer

RFK Jr. Claims Measles Can Be Cured With A Good Concealer
theonion.com/rfk-jr-...

Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run WASHINGTON—Declaring the utter lack of alcohol in the Pentagon kitchen to be a “national emergency,” Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reportedly deployed 3,000 troops American on a beer run Monday. “As ...

Pete Hegseth Deploys 3,000 U.S. Troops On Beer Run

RFK Jr. Vows To Make Measles Deaths So Common They Won’t Be Upsetting Anymore WASHINGTON—Addressing the ongoing outbreak in Texas that has infected at least 124 state residents and killed one child, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. vowed Thursday to make measles deaths so common that they wouldn’t be upsetting anymore. “When President Trump appointed me, I pledged to desensitize Americans to preventable death by […]

RFK Jr. Vows To Make Measles Deaths So Common They Won’t Be Upsetting Anymore
theonion.com/rfk-jr-...

Democratic Leaders Stand Real Still In Hopes No One Notices Them WASHINGTON—With the elected officials trying their hardest not to move a muscle, reports confirmed Monday that top Democratic leaders in Congress were standing real still in hopes that the American people wouldn’t notice them. “Don’t make any sudden movements, or they’ll spot us,” Rep. Hakeem Jeffries (D-NY) said out of the corner of his mouth, […]

Democratic Leaders Stand Real Still In Hopes No One Notices Them
theonion.com/democra...

Elon Musk standing on stage with an infant strapped to his chest which he claims is cheaper and more effective at stopping bullets than the Cybertruck.

Elon Musk Unveils Revolutionary Bulletproof Vest

Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere

Numerous Teams Express Interest In Aaron Rodgers Playing Elsewhere
theonion.com/numerous-tea...

Jealous Trump Throws Own State Funeral To Upstage Carter’s

Jealous Trump Throws Own State Funeral To Upstage Carter’s
theonion.com/jealous...