Darth Sheila

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Without comment

when u gradually approach a dog who is lying down and they don't move but their tail starts thumping the closer you get

Nobody’s healing. They are just buying themselves little treats because they deserve it

Facebook marketplace: “Stunning Rare Painting of Mona Lisa” $800. It’s a replica(?) of the Mona Lisa in a gilded frame

pretty good deal

Bought tons of mini bags of pistachios. Opened two packages and scattered them in the side yard.

Phase one of charming a squirrel into friendship with me is complete.

George Carlin would never have taken blood money to perform comedy for a Saudi Arabian tyrant.

Common misconceptions: Who has ADHD? Words in parenthesis are crossed off and written under the sentence. Extroverted (can be introverted) young (any age) boy (any gender) who fidgets a lot (might not be hyperactive), struggles (may excel) in school, and can’t pay (has difficulty regulating) attention.

Late-diagnosed ADHD friends: What misconception(s) led to you getting overlooked? 👀

#ADHDAwarenessMonth

My boyfriend, who knows nothing about Harry Potter, is playing Hogwarts Legacy and he named his character after himself. Full name. I have no idea why this is so funny to me but I'm dying 😂

Anthony Hopkins was never young.

It's true.

Everyone who tried to block the release of the Epstein files needs to be charged for obstruction of justice.

I always bite men I like to make sure they’re not secretly just cake

We don't deserve dogs.

well, if this site ends up like X, I’m going back to communicating with people via carrier pigeons

motivational poster guy but it’s just shirtless buff guy showing his huge bulge in tight shorts

My chickens have been making random startled noises a lot more frequently lately, and I learned it’s because the squirrels have figured out that they can steal food from the hens better if they’re sneaky. So the chickens don’t see them until they’re super close, and then they all freak out.

I've suspected this for some time.

Dr. Oz received his medical degree from the Tijuana school of Cockfighting and Medicine.

That explains a lot.

Because, why not?

inflating a bouncy castle with a dick pump

you have to share me
im meant to swim free

I like how the Bluesky staff burned thru like 99 percent of people’s good will before they secured a long term revenue plan for this platform

Mornin'

No. Thank you!

This is my favorite thing from today.

sometimes when my stomach is upset i imagine two little x-wings flying through my ass crack and firing suppository torpedoes into my ass hole

If I were an android and I started bleeding that milky white stuff and I saw it, I would fuckin puke

if you’re reading this we’re now friends, hello!

I honestly don’t care what’s in your pants, nor who you want to share it with.

Unless it’s snacks- I wouldn’t mind hearing about those.

Did she finish 3rd grade?