Gen Z stare < Millennial pause < Me saying “umm” 600 times during a podcast
“Ew did you major in BARFOLOGY at Pisspants Pooniversity?” - just came up with this feel free to use if you’re in a roast and can’t think of anything
TAKE MY RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
We use to live in a world where people constantly talked about Metallica. Think about that for a while why dont ya.
Broski tried flexing on me with a “I play flute in a prog band” shit. lol not gonna work on me brotha mane I know you’re still a dweeb
Coworker called me a “nerd burger” and I been googling it for hours and nothings coming up. Frustrated.
Just found out the cryptkeeper isn’t a real dude. Devastated.
Saw a muffin at my local coffee shop and one thing led to another and that’s how I ate a muffin
are there saturday morning cartoons anymore or is it just newsmax now?
looking for a meme that perfectly captures when nobody wants to talk about slam metal with me
I wanna thank Apple for inventing the #iPhoneAir the first phone optimized for Italian rage snapping
well week one of my fantasy season is over and I regret to report Carmen Electra still won’t marry me
My neighbor won’t stfu about Bad Guys 2 and I’m starting to think he’s recruiting me for a cartoon heist
Not mad that the seagull stole my burger, but did it have to mouth “eat my ass” as it flew away? Over the line.
Wish Newsom would get serious and tackle the rising cost of cold brew in LA
gonna be messed up when they scan my brain and find i got cte from committing to bits
pumpkin spice is back again and something something something I just shit my pants #autumn #fallvibes
My issue with tennis is that it doesn’t have a stupid name like pickleball. Tennis should change its name to yacht-pong #usopen
I auto drafted my fantasy football team and now JonBenét Ramsey is my starting QB 😵💫
I GOT SOME #ADVICE FOR YOUR DRUNK ASS
When the Big Brother HoH has a sad life #bb27
now that football is back i can finally tell my family to go to hell 🏈
I think Pauly D was patient zero for Italian Brainrot
cardi b won her case which rules. now i just need to win mine against @Wendys for giving me the slip shits and balance will be restored
i like a heat wave because all my gross sweating suddenly tracks
lifeguards say rip currents are gnarly today so i’ll play it safe and continue my lifelong streak of never once surfing
I’m proud to say I spent my Labor Day reading about the Haymarket affair and the Triangle Shirtwaist fire. Just kidding I got drunk and played Smash Bros.
Went for a walk and a lizard locked eyes with me and started doing pushups which I thought was hilarious until my girlfriend left me for him
I ate the middle of a large pizza and now I’m standing in a circle of crust casting spells for discipline.
Friends, who among you will be dipped in ranch?
I bought an Apple Watch to track workouts. I use it to track Domino’s Pizza. At least the delivery driver is getting cardio.
