toni

I'm trapped and under attack in Dubai - while back home in Chichester my daughters are furious, the labradoodles are sick and, worst of all, I left my Mounjaro pen in the fridge

new iconic meme format just dropped

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

The kids don't know about the Amanda Bynes poster hastily airbrushed to avoid implying she endorsed peace

(picking 3 random attributes and 3 random authors) Dream like Dostoevsky. Fuck like Borges. And, Fuck like Proust

my dog robinson, a pomeranian shiba inu mix, sleeping on a blanket shaped like a lettuce leaf

robinson asleep on his lettuce blanket

lol at the tourists in dubai being like ‘what do you mean i took my vacation at The Neiman-Marcus That Kills You’

all-timer sports graphic dropped

practing a new form of mindfulness i call "fun computer" where i spend time at my desk but im not looking at things that make me sad or mad

Neighborhood kitties Tobin (black and white tabby) and McCavity (orange creamsicle) roling in the dirt waiting for pets

Went for a walk last night and ran into a couple of street toughs

i gotta find a titty to suck before the world ends

My brisket bring all the girls to the yard

The Brisket Sniffer

I’m slowcooking a delicious brisket right now none if you motherfuckers can touch me

Triggered by The Golden Girls

Scientists: "Food gives you energy"

Me after eating:

Buttercup hopes everyone is having a great weekend.

Caitlin Flanagan • @Cait... • 11/26/20 • ••• Thank you to people - well person - for pointing out that the Ayatollah Khameini is long dead (he's really, most sincerely dead) but for whatever reason On Twitter the account is Khameini. 86 17 95 ) 142 ill 贝 Lydia Kiesling @lydiakiesl...• 11/26/20 0 You are talking about two different people. O 1 171 ) 294 L Caitlin Flanagan O @CaitlinPacific Follow I think they speak through history with one voice 9:43 PM • 11/26/20 98 L7 117 26 10

Has anyone checked in on Caitlin?

(doing CPR) come on you son of a bitch. Stay with me. (unbuckling his pants and jacking him off) Don't you fucking die on me. You son of a bitch (sucking him off) Stay away from the light now

I’m 62 years old, I live in Tampa, I eat corn and beef everyday, I always have a titleist hat on, and Iran is the biggest threat to my freedom

Trump bootlicker Hughes brothers on SNL… time to dust off my favourite screencap

(whispering to guy next to me as we learn that we have to cut off our thumbs or else Jigsaw will explode our eyeballs in our skulls) Holy Shrimp

The user who harassed a woman on here, tagged people who wanted nothing to do with it for help in harassing her, called her a bitch and wished violence on her pet just a few weeks ago is hall monitoring other people’s posts on here?

Good luck.

"The Islamists oppose women getting an education," I mutter, as I aim my missile at the girls school

This part is like something out of a @sgj.bsky.social book 🥹

chumbox ai slop advertisement showing an AI generated image of five old white men holding blister packs of pills with the copy “How To Pick The Best ED Treatment For You? ED treatment options differ. See how to find the best one for you.”

they’re ready to fuck

Yoko & Mouse

Quinn Hughes saying the men's gold medal game was "the best game of hockey anyone has ever played or watched" is the most Trump coded bullshit about a game that was just okay.

Not even the best Canada vs USA game, the top 3 of those aren't even men's games.