Blinky McBlinksalot

The 82 y.o. just dropped 4k on a new mower and I'm over here trying to figure out how to be added to his will

a man in a suit is holding a glass and says " lovely " ALT: a man in a suit is holding a glass and says " lovely "

So first, Idiocracy became reality and now they're trying to put us in a Tank Girl situation.

Stop using AI

I was gonna give up pendejadas for Lent.

Good thing I'm not Catholic.

Yikes on bikes! Not everything needs to be posted, Greg 🤢

Cashapp me $5 so I can get an expedited passport

Why would I have thoughts when I can play music really loud?

we need to start Project Gay Ant

I think I scrolled too far.

Grandpa shoulda thought of it first

I don’t know. Maybe don’t over analyze that skeet.

It’s entertainment not a dissertation that needs correcting and grading.

She doesn't want flowers and candy for valentines day, she wants her back blown out while you're pulling her hair and calling her good girl

Happy Friday the 13th!!

Also, it's international mistress/side piece day, so if you don't hear from your s.o. tomorrow, it's definitely because they don't believe in the commerciality of a made up holiday and not because they're with their spouse 💙

I knew you could do it. Let me know if you need more help remembering stuff 🫰🏼

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T FORGET RICE VINEGAR!!!!

I take my job seriously. Rice vinegar. Don't forget.

Glad to help. Also, don't forget the rice vinegar

Don't forget the rice vinegar

First Theo, now Dawson. If the universe could stop taking the people from my childhood too soon, that would be great.

I've seen what the vast majority of y'all released from your drafts folder on Twitter, so I suggest you just continue to fly by the seats of your pants.

🎵I'm gonna practice brujeria; I'm gonna make you fall in love🎵 or whatever Sublime said

I don't fucks wit Alexa, so pwned or whatever

wow bad bunny was awesome but I did not expect all the hardcore gay sex

The theme of Superbowl LX is punts and butts.

Now relax your tight end

Just check it. Don't ask questions.

And then, he was a Good Bunny. A very Good Bunny.

The End.

DON'T RUSH ME!! I NEED THE PERFECT VAPE FLAVOR!!

I gotta get one of them shirts