Blinky McBlinksalot

You should read some of the fanfic

My two wolves are named anxiety and depression and they invited their cousin perimenopause to stay for a while

[serious voice after clearing throat] i need to be more fun

My proudest moment was making my husband realize that there are no ethical ways to become a billionaire.

And I guess having our kids was a close second.

ICE but for making the wealthy explain themselves

Dr: You need to quit drinking
me: like on weekends
Dr: No, everyday
me: weekdays
Dr: Everyday
me: what days
Dr: Every
me: please be more specific

would’ve been cool if prenatal tests back when my wife was pregnant could predict if your kid would be interested in ventriloquism as a career

don't judge a man 'til you've walked a mile in his shoes all the way to the courthouse where you put on a black robe and get your gavel and tell the bailiff to bring in the next defendant and hear their testimony and make a decision by fairly interpreting and applying the law and

I hate when quality sarcasm is wasted on the stupid.

Whoever wrote this can gfsf. Sex work is real work and could be deemed essential in times like these.

An app that blocks all news stories.

Florence + The Machine: the dog days are over

Me, pulling out a gun: wtf did you say

Nobody does

🫶🏼

I always hit my kid with "I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!" and "Look. Big Ben. Parliament" when we drive a roundabout.

Friday is when our grocery store plays the best music

a man in a striped shirt is saying `` did we just become '' while looking at the camera . ALT: a man in a striped shirt is saying `` did we just become '' while looking at the camera .

I randomly sing about mon chi chi and shirt tales

I'm usually pretty good, as i too have a bunch of random shit floating around my brain, but this has just eluded me for years.

I remember the title, and 2 of the people in it (Lukas Haas and Jamie Gertz), but just couldn't get the plot.

🤣🤣🤣

Got smut shamed for reading romance by the 82 y.o. 😒

i'm in a fairly bad mood. but when i slow down, take a breath, and think about all of you here, that's all it takes to get me in the worst mood i've had in several years.

Staffy being a literal lap dog

Guess I'm stuck here

Omg! Thank you!!

I just blocked someone who was a minor inconvenience, and honestly, idk how I never did it before. Why was i so accommodating?

Anyone remember Solar Babies?

I probably watched that movie a hundred times, but can't for the life of me remember the plot.

Where should my mom take us to eat for dinner...aaaaand go

You don’t have to burn the bridge, just stop rebuilding it.

GUY WHO DIDNT WASH HIS HANDS AFTER HE PEED: let me tell you my opinions on politics

Oh fuck all the way off!!

But seriously.

🤤