sybilla

but you’re still no sweetheart
at best.
Luteal, oh, Luteal,
please work with me?
show me your true value
and reason to be seen.
I love you and I hate you;
I think that’s alright.
next time I might
write you a love letter
if you show me some pleasure,
and bring me some light.

Luteal, oh, Luteal,
please be gentler this time?
I’m in my prime,
yet I feel like slime & grime.
Luteal, oh, Luteal,
I’m sorry for being so mean;
I’m just overwhelmed, and
you’re a real doom machine.
but thanks for reminding me
that we all need tons of rest;
I’ll try not to fight you so hard,

how dare you, Luteal;
right when I thought I’d healed,
all I’ve concealed
is torn from beneath me;
for two whole weeks
I’m in fatigue,
hating my physique.
all I can do is critique,
yet barely speak
unless it’s a scream.

Luteal, oh, Luteal,
oh what you reveal
when you take the wheel,
and make me feel
all the things I hate.
Luteal, oh, Luteal,
nothing of you appeals
to my squealing soul
when you take ahold,
and rip open a hole
in everything I thought I knew,
and wanted,
and believed.

to have nothing to do with me
but it’s not that easy
it never has been
why do I still crave your validation
when all you’ve been
is dehumanizing
I’m sorry for nothing
and I’m sorry for everything
go on,
live your life
thank you for showing me what I do and don’t deserve
truly

and that’s something I’m coming to terms with
it’s confusing when people tell me
“it wasn’t your fault”
because in so many ways
It was
but that doesn’t justify
what happened
it never will
I hope someday you can hate me less
but maybe that’s selfish
I should want you to hate me

same is true for the medical field
but people aren’t ready to talk about that
maybe someday we will make amends
but hopefully not
you scare me
in a pity way
I feel bad for who you think you are
and who you’re becoming
you never once questioned my morals for you
maybe they weren’t all that great

maybe I was groomed by Edward Cullen
he is charming in a fucked up way
just like you
when girls know they’re good
they want to fix and heal
anything that comes up in front of them
maybe you sensed my brother was a doctor
and we were too, by the way,
in a past life
I can’t heal anyone but myself

and I liked it
because I hated myself
why would you want to fall in love with a woman
who just tried to end her own life
did you see me as prey
or some kind of concubine
what is your motive
in life
like what are you trying to do here
besides be a vampire to everyone you meet

the crazy thing is
you can go to jail
for talking to me
isnt that sweet?
that im free from your shit
and there’s nothing you can do about it
fuck you
for thinking I’d save you
try saving yourself
for once
don’t you know your bullshit
is beyond me
that I only put up with it
because it plagued me

substack.com/@sybilla47?r...

This is where I write stuff

Omg adorbs

He’s been convicted by law for hurting me, yet why do I still miss him? I hate that

Received with love 💗 thank you

Idk if I told yall, but my abuser/ex ended up pleading guilty to the DV charges. Thank god. I’m emotionally exhausted but excited to move on

Tomorrow is my abuser’s sentencing in court. I decided I’m not gonna go. He doesn’t deserve any more of my time, presence, energy

substack.com/@sybilla47?r...

Sybilla | Substack I’m Sybilla — an artist and musician exploring mental health, spirituality, love, and pop culture through essays, poems, and lyrics. Honest, messy, and a little bit magical.

Hi, I like your write and I just started a free Substack 💗

substack.com/@sybilla47?r...

Two distinguished men

Sweater time

Say It Ain’t So - Weezer

I sang this song so much when I was in psychosis that I broke my guitar lol

Okay I’m crafting and watching The Voice (cause Niall Horan is a judge), and why does this guy’s shirt have the exact same pattern as the sticker I was holding??? lol