P.G. Wodelouse

i Bet the statchoo to Ben Larden in Lester Square is in mint condishun

Happy Birthday, Robert Mitchum.

'75 life lessons by Giles Fucking Coren, Caitlin Jesus Suffering Cunt Moran, Matthew Just Let Me Expire Parris, et horrifically al'

It's like the Times doesn't even want subscribers

These are fantastic words

Her laugh, a filthy cackle, reverberating from her throat, a wet, rattling noise, shaking the night like the call of some nocturnal bird; a corvid's crackling cry. I could imagine her like that, some pitch black winged thing, with her wild tangle of ebony hair, could almost see the oil-slick iridescence of the feathers. Something beautiful and cruel, intelligent and dangerous. Something sustained daily by the liver of Prometheus. It still made sense to think of Grace as some manner of corvid, as she was smart and loyal. She responded well to gifts. There was a price of admission to her affections. New things, shiny things. But she was no longer dangerous or exciting. Ten years into our relationship, I regarded her as a solitary magpie, a harbinger of sorrow.

Feeling normal for the first time in a while, getting some words down.

It’s a preposterously massive airport

I met him after work, when formal work clothes were more of a thing. I was wearing a black shirt, black skirt, black tights and had my hair in a sort of neat ponytail. Anyways he said I looked like a Hitler Youth

I’m sorry but LOL

I’m hearing this in Lead Belly’s singing voice

Isn’t it just

Carmela Soprano beckoning Charmaine Bucco

You should be at my beck and call

Thank you but YOU WERE TARDY

You frigging legend, thank you! 🙏

Yo, botanisty and naturey people. What are those round translucent off-white discs you find on autumnal hedgerows called, please?

Gothic Tales: Essie Fox in conversation with Amanda Mason - Whitby Lit Fest Essie Fox’s debut novel, The Somnambulist, was selected for the Channel 4 Book Club. Her latest novel Dangerous: A Lord Byron Mystery has been declared ‘A magnificent gothic tale of […]

I will be in conversation with the wonderful @essiefox.bsky.social and talk will turn to vampires 🦇

whitbylitfest.org.uk/event/gothic...

I'm very excited to be part of the inaugural Whitby Lit Fest. 50 authors, one small town, and a bunch of books. Tickets and programme here ...
whitbylitfest.org.uk/events/categ...

Hope they’re not too bad!

Can definitely see the benefits to mental health but in a really abstract way, as I’ve tried and it just hurts

Knocking one out to the Sydney Sweeney advert but shaking my head so everyone else on the bus knows I disagree with it.

I fucking hate running

is bad

The storm has shattered out garden glass table

You: How’s life treating you?

Me:

Yeah, people these days, it's all 'masticate faeces and expire' or 'away with you, attend your testicles on yonder sharp fence constructed from steel, you blackguard' these days. Turgid.

Business Secrets of the Pharaohs

Read this at my Granny’s funeral

There's a breathless hush in the close to-night.

Ten to make and the match to win

A bumping pitch and a blinding light

An hour to play, and the last man in

But his captain's hand on his shoulder smote

"Play up! Play up! And play the game!"

No-one seems to say ‘Eat shit and die’ or ‘Go hang your balls on a barbed wire fence’ anymore

She sounds bloody marvellous

i had an aunty in a closed order of nuns based in galway. remember visiting her in the 70s and staying in bray. the local pub had a body laid out in the back - also an undertakers - and literal chickens coming into the bar. many years before the celtic tiger roared.