Former Coolguy

My Monday morning news feed used to be “here’s what happened in the world while you slept,” and now it’s “Here’s the kooky SNL cold open you missed a couple nights ago.”
I wonder why we are so poorly informed.

An enlarged prostate is no laughing matter.

Unless you’re juggling them.

YouTube is particularly great for people who like to watch Superstore asynchronously.

Tangel-oh-no-she-better-didn't.

Enjoy CarPlay While You Still Can — The Atlantic The auto industry is at war with Apple.

This is why we can't have nice things. apple.news/ANxiNTajCQme...

We’re all a big family here?

Oh that’s interesting. I don’t remember letting thousands of my family members go so we can be operationally leaner as a family. But sure.

When we were all working from home I lost zero productivity during the week riding the slowest elevators on earth trying to find a floor with a men’s room that wasn’t closed for cleaning. Didn’t even happen once. But now, thanks to RTO I must be losing a couple hours a week to it. Very cool!

Coworker: [looks me up and down] So, who are you supposed to be dressed as?

Me: Oh, no. I’m always like this.

Truly this is every other booth at the Applebees.

🎼 I was jorking in the goon cave late one night when my eyes beheld a spooky sight. The Monster I was boofing began to spill and suddenly to no one’s thrill I pooped my pants. And did the safety dance…. 🎶 🎵 🎃

Do you even work in tech if you aren’t occasionally eating sad drive-thru lunch in your car?

I can only assume that someone who has done so much TV would be aware of optics. So it’s pretty clear the point of this is to rattle and distract. And it’s working. Insanely demoralizing stuff.

“Old man yells at body horror cardamom frangipane tart.”

Am I misremembering or on early seasons of Halloween Baking Championship contestants would make like nice looking but Halloween themed treats? This season everything is so gross. The main bakes, the judge costumes, gross gross gross. It’s insane that this is on a food channel.

Tids & pids.

Also you’re not allowed back in that Dunkin location.

Me: okay I’m going to close the bathroom door for some privacy.

My cat: TF you are.

Aside from being familiar with the name and knowing it’s an internet person of some sort. I didn’t know anything about Hassan Piker (sp?) a couple days ago.

Now I know ONE thing about him. And it’s not great.

Allow me to translate: “Here’s the deal, fuck the poor. We do not care about our rural base who will vote for us no matter how atrociously we treat them. We work for billionaires. Full stop.”

And yet once again it must be asked, is Andy Ngo intellectually dishonest or just stupid?

He NOSE what he did.

What really drives me crazy is Bad Bunny is quite literally a representation of the American Dream. Dude realized it and hustled to be one of the biggest in the world. That the perpetually outraged right can’t/won’t recognize that is stunning and gross.

If anyone can give farmers access to international markets its the guy who closed off access to international markets

“It’s just not a Lemon Party without Old Dick” is possibly the most unhinged reference to make it into a prime time broadcast show unless New Girl made some tubgirl reference.

Although he’s pretty close to the time-eating meatball monster from the Langoliers TV movie.

I’d need to look up what that even means. But I’m afraid I might already know. Also I just saw my typo in the last reply and I can’t edit 😭😭😭

“They want to give free health care to illegal immigrants” is the new “they have litter boxes in the school bathrooms” and “they’re eating the dogs and cats.” In other words a lie the right perpetuates for rage clicks.

Don’t fall for it folks.

I’m thought it was locktober. But in that situation historically I’ve only been a keyholder. I also don’t celebrate no nut November.

Hate that, I just got a cheap set of “slutty dad” shorts and I can’t wear the box briefs under them. But they’re too sheer for freeballin’. I guess I need to dig out the jock(?)