KJ Shepherd

I don't care if you're having some cosmic reckoning please just stop dressing like Jerry Seinfeld

"men around 30 stop creating fashion blogs and trend watches where you are basically glamorizing the moment in the 90s before your dad did the deed and launched half of you from his balls because even if everything was just a little less fruedian i can't ride for lightwash jeans like that" challenge

such a fucking bummer

my mom taught me that one

"bitch I have a knife"

Look this is a way to beat the Sunday scaries and also idk if you like it you should share it

I’m telling you: ridicule works. These guys are supposed to intimidate the citizenry and it’s very hard to do that when a guy in a frog suit is just staring you down and daring you to do something that makes it look like you’re afraid of a cartoon

The Melinda Chronicles a three-part florida story

Hey y'all: a gigantic new zine for you.

"The Melinda Chronicles" is a 3-part story about a clever person who got a little too clever. Yes, Debbie Gibson is involved.

If you like what I do, become a paid supporter, which means nothing except you're giving me moolah so I can make these. Okay thanks.

from the bottom of my heart this website is lousy and the world is lousy and if you want to stop being stuck on it for I don't know, twenty minutes? then you can read this and maybe have a good time. you do not have to be scrolling nonstop or gleaning discourse about this site's moron creators lol

The Melinda Chronicles a three-part florida story Hold an Old Friend’s Hand OCTOBER 8, 1987 DEAR DEBBIE GIBSON, HI DEBBIE, MY NAME IS MELINDA CARLISLE AND I AM IN THE FIFTH GRADE AT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL NUMBER 5 IN CEDARHUR…

"Keegan I don't fuck with Substack" -- cool I also have this on my own website
but if you like it you could also maybe consider giving me some scratch at that stupid Ko-Fi site <https://ko-fi.com/keeganshepherd>

Either way read it and stuff thanks!

The Melinda Chronicles a three-part florida story

Hey y'all: a gigantic new zine for you.

"The Melinda Chronicles" is a 3-part story about a clever person who got a little too clever. Yes, Debbie Gibson is involved.

If you like what I do, become a paid supporter, which means nothing except you're giving me moolah so I can make these. Okay thanks.

too many narcs on this site so I will NOT tell you which <rockstar: supernova> contestant's page it is AT ALL but if you guess the sentence, thirty kisses etc

A few hundred officers and some videographers can't come close to controlling a city. But they can produce content. Which seems to be the primary goal (along with violating rights and hurting people for the sake of violating rights and hurting people).

my most lasting achievement remains editing wikipedia to include a completely made up fact about a reality show contestant from twenty years ago and having it evade removal for several years

"Keegan be fair maybe he's celebrating the femininity of sex--" first of all don't waste my time like that bitch

I'm not going to ask "does Noah Smith have any queer friends or women friends or anyone who has ever had a good time in the sack with him" because I don't need to ask rhetorical questions on the internet anymore.

"Men, welcome to this meeting of We Can't Use Our Wieners Girl Style club, everyone go around the room and say how you hide your wiener from girls to keep it from being used Girl Style."

the only constant in the past two decades has been looking up every so often, gleaning an update about the life of cara cunningham, and thinking "i did not expect this" while also having no further energy to have a second thought

it's pretty wild to be doing "stop being racist to my computer friend" discourse when the forces of Actual Racism are totally ascendant in government and inventing new ways to arrest people for their skin color every day

waiting for the most braindead girl boss tweet about Japan's new PM, who will deliver

like you know I think it's never a good sign when your policy is in line with azealia banks' instagram schizo-posts

I feel like what's remarkable in American politics is that republicans and democrats are both engaging in a distinct version of antisemitism--namely the idea that Israelis simply cannot be held to the same standards as every other human--while also antisemitic to Jews in the us who question this!

America is destined to fail because you have an entire cuckold party that refuses to understand they would win 70 percent of the vote if they said "day one we call Israel and say the sugar daddy game is over" and instead believe that literally anyone besides beltway pinheads want this.

where do you think people who remember Curtis sliwa the first time around went

It constantly makes me lol that New Yorkers (state and city) refuse to believe that like ten percent of Florida's population is from New York, as if their most obnoxious cousins truly did go to a farm with plenty of space to run around.

I mean the weird song about her fiancé's wiener did make me think "maybe it is an act because this is terrible" lol

i think I'm only relishing this specifically because I'm calling a Trend Watch among internet writers claiming agnosticism about Taylor swift and, like, part of agnosticism is the joy in not even saying anything because you cannot be fucked to type "idc" about it. Just go listen to geese! lol

that one song about crystals or whatever--we know a lesbian version of that song would have been seventeen minutes and talked about the cosmic zodiacal connections to jasper and citrine or some shit

you know what I don't think taylor swift is a dyke anymore because we all know what lesbian cringe is and this shithole album was, if anything, clearly heterosexual

That was my favorite book as a child