Onyx

wish i knew how to exist without everything feeling bad

i stopped fronting for a while and we were ok, now that i'm back that sinking, helpless feeling is back. bwehhhhh

im the big scary headmate everyone else would rather die than be

how dare i get angry sometimes. clearly that means it's all i am and ever will be

would be nice if headmates stopped seeing me and Grey as nothing more than just "the angry ones"

i know i call myself that sometimes but it doesnt mean i want others to also call me that.

need a pocket dimension where time stops flowing and i can spend as long as i need with no repercussions pleaseeeeee

also buck says hi

cofronting with one of our relatively more confident headmates is always a bit of a weird experience

longing for the energy to properly exist

longing for a place to belong

everythings so pointless.

went out and got ice cream and now life is worth living again

need to go out and enjoy nature more i think. laying on the grass and Feeling the sun and a nice cool breeze for a few hours would fix me

miss when everything didnt suck

this rules

Friendly Fire on @thebevil.bsky.social :) !!
black-hole beast

sooo happy with how this one turned out.. soft

forever lost, wandering with no goal

plurality confusing and brain too tired to understand anything

also im posting here even if im not sure im onyx rn, sorry onyx if im not you atm

wish i could stop my brain from thinking about trauma stuff so much, i think im the reason we're having constant nightmares all the time

bweh

why is plurality just making me feel even more lonely than before

i wanna exist too but existing means being buried in overwhelming feelings and guilt

why cant i be the happy headmate? why am i always here instead of the happy headmates?

what's the point of existing if i dont get access to good emotions?

i wish existing didnt feel bad and that i stopped making ourself feel bad everytime i showed up

cant sleep but at least that means no trauma nightmares

i dont get it

why do people get sad whenever i say i dont want anything or have no opinion about something?

ignore the typos lmao

i'm still not in a great mood? but who cares, i've been wanting to not exist for months now and let others in the system take control but for once i can kind of just.

exist and be fine with that, which it nice.