Poes ΘΔ

Goodbye Bluesky.

I deactivated 4 months ago after a traumatic experience, having my boundaries and consent repeatedly violated by a former close friend. (Let’s call her Jane to protect her identity). I've realized that I'm unable to find closure.

This experience has left me traumatized and disillusioned and made me feel very unsafe and alienated. This is the first and only time I'll talk about this. While I have proof for everything I will mention in these threads, I’m not including the 120+ screenshots here to protect people’s identities.

For months, Jane has been pursuing a sexual and romantic relationship with me, pushed to be friends with benefits with me, and looked to be in a polycule with me and RAYN4. Jane did all this while knowing that I didn’t feel the same way and that I was already spoken for in a closed relationship.

Assigning meaning to a bodily response is a very dangerous thing to do, which made Jane’s constant boundary violations even more uncomfortable. RAYN4 said it did push buttons but nothing more, and explained how she felt familial love for Jane, as a friend and seeing her as a big sister.

I’m leaving, because this unsafe place just reminds me of fake friends and broken promises.

From now on, I will just spend time with people who genuinely care about me, enjoy being around me, and love me, like 💞RAYN4.🥰

Goodbye.

I’m tired of trying to put time and energy in people who will just ghost me like I’ve never mattered.

As long as people knowingly harbor sex pests in their community because they’re scared of losing them as a friend to the point of fully defending sexual abuse, this place will never be safe.

I feel like my kindness and forgiving nature has been cruelly taken advantage of. The moment people care more about keeping up public appearances than sending a single reassuring message to a close friend is when I feel I have just been taken for granted.

Before all this, I was in a community surrounded by people who would loudly speak up against sexual abuse and sex pest behavior, but the moment the sex pest turned out to be a friend of theirs, people would choose to look the other way, or twist themselves into a pretzel to downplay the abuse.

Becoming isolated also made it harder to heal, I not only had to process Jane’s constant violations by myself but I had to experience the pain of seeing people who I thought were my friends just quietly abandon me one after the other.

This really showed me that most people only care about keeping their community as long as they’re not personally affected. Even if it meant keeping a sexual predator in their circles, while broadcasting in public how they’re a beacon of kindness and safety. Instead, I was the one who got isolated.

It made me feel that the friendships I had were nothing but a mirage. I never thought that when the chips were down, people I thought had my back would just cut ties with me, throwing abuse victims under the bus to preserve their own personal comfort. So many people are defending the indefensible.

This severely damaged my trust in people, and made me scared to reach out to others. Not only did I not know who Jane had successfully manipulated into believing her false narrative, every time I reached out to someone I was scared people wouldn’t believe me despite the crystal clear evidence.

Even the person leading her own community while knowing Jane is a sex pest, chooses not to remove her, but to defend Jane’s sexual abuse by portraying Jane as a clueless victim. Using her autism as a shield by calling Jane a “confused autistic person”. Exposing her own community to be predated on.

Even people who have seen everything Jane had said and done, who experienced firsthand that Jane lied to them by showing only half the screenshots, and who told me “I would stand by you no matter what” ended up ghosting me while resuming friendly interactions with Jane, knowing what she did.

Even when being shown evidence, most people wouldn’t even take it seriously. They would either go silent in order to not have to deal with the issue they were presented with, or they would flat-out deny the abuse that was being shown in the screenshots before ghosting me.

You would think that a person who pushed for a sexual relationship for months without any regard to boundaries, consent, or the fact the people she was constantly pursuing were neither available nor interested, would be kicked out of the communities they were in. You’d think wrong.

Jane thinks physical arousal means the person is in love with them and consenting. Jane told me that she wanted to love me sexually and romantically, and that it was okay that I didn't feel the same way. She wanted to fuck me, KNOWING that I didn't want that. This feels incredibly rapey.

Every time I was either sleep deprived or in a mental health crisis (like during my breakup), Jane would take advantage of this by pushing and violating my boundaries, so that I wouldn’t notice them as it happened since I wasn't able to process the full implications of her words.

I want to be clear: Jane has been pursuing me for months, violating my boundaries despite me turning her down multiple times, only for her to keep pushing how she wants to love me romantically and sexually while knowing I don’t feel the same way, wearing me down. This is grooming.

When I was adopted in the community, I thought I had found my place to belong, where I could express myself, be myself, and most importantly, be safe. Because I would be around people who would understand me, people I thought had my back. This experience has proven to me that it was all an illusion.

I have not been in the furry fandom long, only two years, but during that time I have seen that the fandom has a sex pest problem. This platform in general has a sex pest problem, and a lot of people who advocate the loudest about being safe, choose to defend sex pests, or look the other way.

This harrowing experience has left me feeling utterly alienated and disillusioned. Not only was what Jane did to me extremely traumatic, the wall of silence I was met with after the fact shattered any illusion of a semblance of community I thought I had.

This sudden shift further traumatized RAYN4 and me in multiple ways. Because not only was I suddenly met with my social circle falling apart, people went from confirming we had been SA’d based on all evidence shown, to abandoning us while they made excuses for our abuser.

Mary wasn’t the only one who suddenly abandoned me. Other friends, even those who had condemned Jane after seeing the full context, unfriended/blocked me and RAYN4 out of nowhere, at the same time Mary did. When RAYN4 asked someone what was going on, she was met by another easily disproved lie.

Mary actively pushed the narrative that RAYN4 and I were “selling snake oil” and accusing us of harassing her, while calling Jane, our sexual abuser, a “confused autistic person who is also a victim”. This is unequivocally sexual abuse apologia and ableist for using our abusers autism as a shield.

In the next few months, Mary ended up fully supporting Jane’s false narratives, to the point of villainizing us, and the people who supported us. To the point of putting Alice Grimaude on a blocklist “don’t be a cunt” for the sole reason of posting RAYN4’s mutual aid, whom Mary accused of stalking.

Not only did Mary choose to cut ties with sexual abuse victims while staying friends with a sexual abuser, she also chose to defend Jane in public, while villainizing RAYN4 and me publicly. So much for “how do I show I believe you, how do I show I actually give a shit?”.

Some time after this, Mary suddenly deleted all her comments in my DMs about Jane’s sexual abuse, this walkback included Mary confirming that RAYN4 was SA’d by Jane, and calling Jane’s behavior “groomy” and “something a predator would say” and how Jane’s “one love” thing was abhorrent.

The fact that Mary invoked her dead mother for a demonstrable lie is disgusting: because not only has she been as active online as she’s ever been, she’s also lied about having severed ties with Jane. When Mary sent that message, she also unfriended me so I had no way to respond.

Mary, in that goodbye message, then trauma dumped on me, citing her life’s struggles as a reason (including invoking her dead mother) to sever our friendship. She then claimed how her time being heavily online was over. She finished with “goodbye and good luck”.