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Jimmer Cork-Bottle

@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social

From the twelve-winded sky. Profile pic 1972. Discord: jimmerthatisall My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2satfah44msc3khoojnhrvuj/feed/aaab3adsokgse

14,787 Followers  |  2,067 Following  |  2,408 Posts  |  Joined: 20.08.2023
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Posts by Jimmer Cork-Bottle (@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social)

I would like the Israeli government out of my government

02.03.2026 20:26 β€” πŸ‘ 15    πŸ” 6    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

i burst up from the flames of hell for this?

05.03.2026 12:23 β€” πŸ‘ 117    πŸ” 39    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

do you ever follow someone and think wow they’re really funny and cool i think i’d like to watch them through their kitchen window

04.03.2026 22:30 β€” πŸ‘ 179    πŸ” 50    πŸ’¬ 13    πŸ“Œ 10

there have been and always will be horrors that persist but these current ones are by far the worst bc they’re happening to me

04.03.2026 13:12 β€” πŸ‘ 98    πŸ” 25    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

boy, are you a seagull because i want to fight you in a parking lot for the last hot dog

04.03.2026 00:48 β€” πŸ‘ 265    πŸ” 77    πŸ’¬ 9    πŸ“Œ 1

Find yourself someone who salutes your red flags.

04.03.2026 20:03 β€” πŸ‘ 122    πŸ” 65    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

wondering if a passport is required to relocate to pluto

04.03.2026 20:29 β€” πŸ‘ 68    πŸ” 26    πŸ’¬ 5    πŸ“Œ 0

I don’t get any sleep because I’ve never been to Brooklyn

05.03.2026 03:54 β€” πŸ‘ 54    πŸ” 15    πŸ’¬ 7    πŸ“Œ 0

I'd be so ready to enter my girl living in a lonely castle in the
depth of the country era.

04.03.2026 13:30 β€” πŸ‘ 18    πŸ” 5    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

CONSERVATIVES: gender-affirming care is toxic and destructive to society

ALSO CONSERVATIVES: the first 100 incels to call now will receive a free sample of men’s concealer and chin defining makeup with their purchase of Viagra

05.03.2026 03:01 β€” πŸ‘ 67    πŸ” 19    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

Fox News had a plastic surgeon comment on the war in Iran, so I’m not asking, I’m begging a giant asteroid β€” any asteroid β€” to take one for the team and make contact with our civilization

04.03.2026 04:11 β€” πŸ‘ 270    πŸ” 50    πŸ’¬ 9    πŸ“Œ 3

Text your husband "I know your secret" and he'll bring you so many presents!
You don't even need to know what the secret is!

04.03.2026 15:16 β€” πŸ‘ 95    πŸ” 33    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

In all the lessons in school about drugs and peer pressure, they never taught us about Girl Scout Cookie time.

19.02.2026 16:52 β€” πŸ‘ 85    πŸ” 30    πŸ’¬ 3    πŸ“Œ 1

Mozart was composing masterpieces aged 5, Picasso finished his first oil painting at 8, and Joan of Arc lead the French to victory at OrlΓ©ans when only 17, while I just watched my 17yo scratch her eye whilst pointing at a cloud.

I think it’s safe to start blowing the college fund on beer and pizza.

05.03.2026 14:13 β€” πŸ‘ 53    πŸ” 16    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0
Store aisle shelves stuffed on one side with inflatable ducks faces the other, stuffed with inflatable flamingos.

Store aisle shelves stuffed on one side with inflatable ducks faces the other, stuffed with inflatable flamingos.

some shit is about to go down

05.03.2026 14:05 β€” πŸ‘ 1779    πŸ” 327    πŸ’¬ 68    πŸ“Œ 43

I knew I was musical from a young age when my version of β€œπ˜ 𝘚𝘦𝘦 π˜“π˜°π˜―π˜₯𝘰𝘯, 𝘐 𝘚𝘦𝘦 π˜π˜³π˜’π˜―π˜€π˜¦β€ was voted best in the 2nd grade class at Donaldson Elementary.

08.12.2024 10:19 β€” πŸ‘ 100    πŸ” 35    πŸ’¬ 3    πŸ“Œ 0

Espionage is French for β€œsneaky motherfucker”

01.01.2025 00:44 β€” πŸ‘ 298    πŸ” 90    πŸ’¬ 5    πŸ“Œ 2

[Parisian restaurant, breakfast]

me: I hear that you do the best toasted cheese & ham sandwich in all Paris, here

server: that’s a croque monsieur

me: oh that’s a shame, I’ll just have a croissant instead then please

08.11.2023 12:09 β€” πŸ‘ 263    πŸ” 93    πŸ’¬ 9    πŸ“Œ 1

Everything I know about French history I've learned from Mel Brooks.

11.01.2025 13:46 β€” πŸ‘ 233    πŸ” 76    πŸ’¬ 14    πŸ“Œ 0

It's ok. I'm funnier in french.

31.01.2025 15:44 β€” πŸ‘ 133    πŸ” 52    πŸ’¬ 11    πŸ“Œ 2

All's fair in love and war when you're a dick.

05.03.2026 11:23 β€” πŸ‘ 51    πŸ” 28    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

RELUCTANTLY CROUCHED AT THE STARTING LINE

05.03.2026 03:30 β€” πŸ‘ 94    πŸ” 27    πŸ’¬ 5    πŸ“Œ 2

wait wtf are detachable peanuts

05.03.2026 00:56 β€” πŸ‘ 52    πŸ” 21    πŸ’¬ 4    πŸ“Œ 0

Me [turning on my favorite show]: I can’t wait to watch this week’s episode. They ended on a cliffhanger last week.

Show: *devotes entire episode to flashback*

Me: SON OF A

04.03.2026 23:47 β€” πŸ‘ 93    πŸ” 30    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 2

This is getting out of hand. I just watched the CEO of Valvoline chug a quart of 10W-30 Full Synthetic on Tik Tok.

04.03.2026 20:24 β€” πŸ‘ 51    πŸ” 17    πŸ’¬ 5    πŸ“Œ 2
Salon sign reads β€œGuaranteed Shorter Hair.”

Salon sign reads β€œGuaranteed Shorter Hair.”

β€œMeeting expectations since 1994.”

05.03.2026 02:12 β€” πŸ‘ 553    πŸ” 89    πŸ’¬ 14    πŸ“Œ 2

The best way to avoid wasting good money on expensive binoculars or telescopes is by simply standing closer to the object that you wish to view.

Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.

22.02.2025 13:55 β€” πŸ‘ 364    πŸ” 125    πŸ’¬ 15    πŸ“Œ 1

This day in history. 1906. American soldiers and marines massacred hundreds of Moro villagers including children and women. General Leonard Wood took responsibility but in 2016 Philippine president and 76-time murderer Rodrigo Duterte blamed Barack Obama of course.

05.03.2026 11:02 β€” πŸ‘ 40    πŸ” 15    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

him: tell me a little about yourself

me: fuck cops and fuck ice and fuck trump and a big ol fuck to israel

03.03.2026 18:13 β€” πŸ‘ 24    πŸ” 6    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom

you: you DO have kids

me: WHAT

04.03.2026 15:15 β€” πŸ‘ 661    πŸ” 128    πŸ’¬ 19    πŸ“Œ 2