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Jimmer Cork-Bottle

@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social

From the twelve-winded sky. Profile pic 1972. Discord: jimmerthatisall My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2satfah44msc3khoojnhrvuj/feed/aaab3adsokgse

14,787 Followers  |  2,067 Following  |  2,407 Posts  |  Joined: 20.08.2023
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Posts by Jimmer Cork-Bottle (@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social)

him: tell me a little about yourself

me: fuck cops and fuck ice and fuck trump and a big ol fuck to israel

03.03.2026 18:13 β€” πŸ‘ 24    πŸ” 6    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom

you: you DO have kids

me: WHAT

04.03.2026 15:15 β€” πŸ‘ 501    πŸ” 102    πŸ’¬ 17    πŸ“Œ 1

Thanks.

04.03.2026 19:17 β€” πŸ‘ 0    πŸ” 0    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0

Silently cursing anyone who's ever given me some doodad I never wanted that I'm now responsible for moving from place to place for the rest of my life

02.03.2026 22:59 β€” πŸ‘ 107    πŸ” 38    πŸ’¬ 11    πŸ“Œ 1

Can't, redecorating my crying cave

03.03.2026 02:34 β€” πŸ‘ 120    πŸ” 43    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

Fact: sperm whales call humans β€œjizz monkeys”

27.02.2026 16:40 β€” πŸ‘ 217    πŸ” 76    πŸ’¬ 4    πŸ“Œ 1

Hear me out: a cake you jump into.

03.03.2026 21:25 β€” πŸ‘ 219    πŸ” 82    πŸ’¬ 17    πŸ“Œ 7

I've a feeling that that $10BN for the Board of Peace has got lost in the wash.

02.03.2026 22:28 β€” πŸ‘ 46    πŸ” 13    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

are these chills and low grade fever real, or is my mind causing this so my body can avoid an unwanted task, or vice versa I do not understand the nervous system, news at 11

04.03.2026 12:42 β€” πŸ‘ 65    πŸ” 19    πŸ’¬ 13    πŸ“Œ 0

if you don’t understand why somebody is grieving for so long over something, consider yourself fortunate that you do not understand

04.03.2026 13:44 β€” πŸ‘ 47    πŸ” 9    πŸ’¬ 3    πŸ“Œ 0

they should make a sleep that feels like you’ve slept

04.03.2026 15:54 β€” πŸ‘ 81    πŸ” 27    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

Sorry I can't make it. The rest of the week is looking super busy: Today is Prince spaghetti day. Tomorrow I fashion a shillelagh from a cursed oak burl. Friday is the timberdoodle show beneath the moon

04.03.2026 14:56 β€” πŸ‘ 111    πŸ” 40    πŸ’¬ 10    πŸ“Œ 0

I've been telling so many folks that I hope my parents are happy in heaven that dad now wishes I'd picked them out a care home with a different name.

04.03.2026 13:51 β€” πŸ‘ 70    πŸ” 27    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

I’m not great with idioms but I know one thing:

If wishes were fishes, snitches would get stitches.

04.03.2026 13:20 β€” πŸ‘ 68    πŸ” 22    πŸ’¬ 0    πŸ“Œ 0
a pack of kittens closes in a a large dog standing on a chair

a pack of kittens closes in a a large dog standing on a chair

David Attenborough [whispering]:

β€œAs the predators close in on their helpless prey, we can only watch in silent horror, for it is not man’s role to interfere in the hierarchy of nature.”

04.03.2026 13:08 β€” πŸ‘ 6424    πŸ” 1273    πŸ’¬ 118    πŸ“Œ 63

Some days you're tired of people. Other days, people wish you'd nap longer.

05.06.2025 07:56 β€” πŸ‘ 94    πŸ” 53    πŸ’¬ 3    πŸ“Œ 0

Strength isn’t always loud.
Staying out of stupid games? Now THAT’S power. πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡Έ

04.03.2026 11:46 β€” πŸ‘ 30    πŸ” 15    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

Genie: And your third wish?

Me: Reveal the hidden valley where they make delicious ranch dressing.

07.01.2025 20:54 β€” πŸ‘ 548    πŸ” 96    πŸ’¬ 23    πŸ“Œ 6
A dog is squeezed in a corner between a washing machine and a cabinet, looking at a robotic vacuum cleaner in the center of the room.

A dog is squeezed in a corner between a washing machine and a cabinet, looking at a robotic vacuum cleaner in the center of the room.

it is best to find out early who can and cannot be counted upon when the robot uprising begins

04.03.2026 02:13 β€” πŸ‘ 472    πŸ” 95    πŸ’¬ 15    πŸ“Œ 8

This day in history. 306. Martyrdom of Adrian of Nicomedia, Roman magistrate who was so impressed by the obstinance of the Christians he was torturing that he became a Christian and eventually patron saint of fallacy and gullibility.

04.03.2026 10:19 β€” πŸ‘ 47    πŸ” 23    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

I’m looting a Trader Joe’s as soon as this Armageddon thing picks up speed

03.03.2026 12:41 β€” πŸ‘ 151    πŸ” 34    πŸ’¬ 15    πŸ“Œ 1

I have a hangover, wait no
I think it’s just cognition.

02.03.2026 12:05 β€” πŸ‘ 26    πŸ” 14    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

I don’t fear death, just being summarized reductively.

02.03.2026 11:49 β€” πŸ‘ 31    πŸ” 13    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 0

*world on fire

me: do you prefer the white or green mint chocolate chip ice cream?

03.03.2026 04:37 β€” πŸ‘ 69    πŸ” 24    πŸ’¬ 6    πŸ“Œ 0

my own private blood moon happened in high school when I wore white jeans while on my period

03.03.2026 12:37 β€” πŸ‘ 66    πŸ” 19    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

walking next to a canal yesterday, saw a pelican dive down and catch a fish, and I was jealous

02.03.2026 13:11 β€” πŸ‘ 73    πŸ” 24    πŸ’¬ 3    πŸ“Œ 0

β€œim still garth,” i whisper to myself, watching a 37 y/o SNL sketch on my dvr

02.03.2026 13:40 β€” πŸ‘ 51    πŸ” 20    πŸ’¬ 2    πŸ“Œ 0

*covering your face in soft, slow little kisses before whispering in your ear* if you load the knives blade up in the dishwasher again i’m going to slit your throat with one of them

03.03.2026 16:00 β€” πŸ‘ 187    πŸ” 42    πŸ’¬ 15    πŸ“Œ 5

has anyone invented an app for mushroom enthusiasts called schroomscrolling bc if not this seems like a missed opportunity

03.03.2026 15:46 β€” πŸ‘ 77    πŸ” 25    πŸ’¬ 1    πŸ“Œ 2

pls join me for my 8hr live twitch stream where i will stare at a wall and sigh

03.03.2026 14:35 β€” πŸ‘ 100    πŸ” 31    πŸ’¬ 4    πŸ“Œ 0