⚔️ 𝔪𝔞𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔬𝔫 ⚔️

finally, a reason to keep living

I thought things were supposed to get better after Venus Retrograde so someone pls tell me why I chipped a crown on a microwave nacho

Once I have all my teeth again it’s over for your bitches

HBO never used to show peen like this!
What a time to be alive,

You know I’ve been depressed because I forgot to post a 311 song on March 11th.

Lars and the Real Girl but it’s me and this guy

yo, this restaurant’s lassi flavours are wild!

Holy Diver? I hardly know her!

this is a meme account now

I lived it. truth: they won’t come.

and they say you can’t buy your friends…

baby, you make me wanna learn how to drive

Listen, I happy for her but also I am upset.

umm, what the fuck is this? I thought I ordered a pizza not a work of art!

sometimes the world is a beautiful place and you can hear Iris blasting through the wall of your neighbour’s apartment

walked into my metal bed frame

today

february 12th: post a baby Gromit for good luck

so crazy. I don’t remember this part of this song…

booty shorts with ‘this machine kills fascists’ spelled out on the back

booty shorts with ‘this machine kills fascists’ spelled out on the back but oriented in a way to try and look like how woody guthrie had written it along the curve of his guitar

why imagine? presenting two models: the standard and the “guitar curve”

spot the difference

okay but imagine booty shorts with this scrolled across the butt

this is the best a man has ever looked in the history of the world

didn’t drink enough to have a hangover tomorrow but drank enough to still cry myself to sleep

me this christmas: also me:

them: are you ready for Christmas?
me:

decided I’m gonna pull a Maude in Harold & Maude but on my 69th birthday instead

yes, but I closed a door on Beth’s tail so it was warranted :(

the illegal streaming site wouldn’t let me screenshot a pic of The Situation eating cake in bed wearing a Versace robe and sunglasses but just know if it did I would be posting it here with the caption “me.”