James Oswald

My last book came out the same day as Richard Osman's, the fiend! I could have sold millions of copies...

Hey, as a librarian I need to tell you:

Our funding depends on usage.

So go ahead and check out that book even if you don't think you'll finish it. No one will know. Check out that DVD even though you might not like it. Get ambitious in your quest for knowledge.

I’ve had specs for distance vision since I was eight. It’s needing different ones for close up now that’s such a faff.

Come on medical science. All I want is the eyes I had when I was twenty. Is that really so much to ask?

For later perusal.

Does anyone have any experience of getting dementia/alzheimers help, either at-home or on site, specifically in Wales? Any info/links would be greatly appreciated x

Left alone to build model aeroplanes.

[Scene is a BEACH. A little kid is running towards the shore. Speech bubbles that follow are mostly coming from THE SEA, which is sort of talking to us.] 1 THE SEA: Happens all the time. 2 THE SEA: One second they’re a kid thoughtlessly running into me for joy [Show kid running towards the sea] 3 THE SEA: And the next, they’re an adult standing there contemplating my sublime, death-like endlessness. [Show the kid instantly transformed into an adult, hands on hips, boringly contemplating the horizon]. 4 THE SEA: I mean, I get it. I’m the *Sea*. I don’t really do the whole ‘time’ thing. But it always seems to happen so *quick*. 5 THE SEA: Right. One way to fix this. [Shoe the waves licking up against their toes] 6 PERSON [shocked from cold]: JESUS 7 THE SEA: Come on a bit further …. [Person paddles out into the water a bit] 8 THE SEA: That’s it… bit further… [Person wades to waist height] 9 THE SEA: Right. [Person standing still waist height in sea] 10 THE SEA: HAVE THAT. [BIG WAVE goes over them] 11 [They are instantly transformed back to a kid again] KID [laughing]: UURGHHAHA 12 THE SEA: Works every time [ends]

have that

UK readers, if you can't afford to buy any of these books, order them from your local library. The authors will see your support through loan figures and PLR. You don't even have to finish reading them if you don't want!

Shoes in the fridge sounds like a genius idea to me.

To come so far and then fall at the last hurdle. So tragic.

'Orns!

How many clubcard points is that?

It’s a mystery, but not one I care to investigate by actually watching an episode. Nothing about it appeals to me in the slightest, and yet clearly someone at the BBC loves it.

Also having to pay an admin charge on top of the parking fee when there’s no alternative.

To be fair, I hardly ever watched it. But then I hardly watch any TV these days, which makes me the worst kind of armchair critic! I think the BBC should make the programmes commercial outfits won't because they can't turn an easy profit. 'Driving viewers to iPlayer' seems a retrograde step to me.

Elon Musk’s Tesla applies to supply electricity to households in Great Britain US carmaker makes move for licence that would allow it to provide energy to domestic and business premises

This would actually be a good thing, linking up thousands of Powerwall home batteries, and perhaps cars too eventually, into a massive virtual power plant. Shame Musk burnt the Tesla brand name and pissed on its ashes. www.theguardian.com/technology/2...

More Mrs Brown's Boys then...

I don’t need graphs about what jolly good citizens migrants are to justify why they shouldn’t be attacked. They shouldn’t be attacked because racism is bad and racists are cunts

Black dog lying on the sofa beside me. At the far end, a clock hangs on the wall. It’s a 2000AD clock with a picture of the Mighty Tharg, his Rosette of Sirius making up the clock’s dial. You can’t tell in the photo, but it glows in the dark. Scrotnig!

I didn’t realise that clock was so loud!

Snoring

Panels one and two: Two white mice make their way through a maze. Panel three: Having completed the maze, the two mice are rewarded with some fruit. Two scientists watch them. One says: “Poor little things: all that thought and effort just to earn themselves a little treat.” The second scientist looks at a clock and says: “Coffee time!” Panels four and five: The two scientists make their way through a maze of corridors to a door marked “Canteen” Panel six: The scientists look at the food on offer. One says: “Ooh, Donuts!”

My latest cartoon for @newscientist.com

Transphobia: How the trans-hostile media coverage began in the UK Where the current ‘trans panic’ originated in the UK media, its origins and the publications and journalists behind promoting…

If you want to understand how transphobia infiltrated the UK media - this article tracks its growth, detailing its shocking explosion engulfing ALL mainstream news media in the UK 😞

Russell T Davies should be looking closer to home for the culprits in actively generating anti-trans/ LGBT hate!

It is very hard to find anything genuinely informative in all the shouting. The Bylines stuff is quite good, but I am always looking for an agenda when I read stuff now, which is exhausting.

it’s weird that jd vance is staying in dean while he’s on holiday in england. i thought he’d be more into chesterfield

Just found a journal/diary/notebook on a Transport For Wales train in Manchester.

They’ll *definitely* want it back.

Handed it in, it will be going with the catering staff to TFW in Cardiff.

Really hope you’re reading this and it finds its way back to you x

I've not had that delight yet. It might make the nonsense a bit more palatable!

The mistake is in thinking the newspapers are interested in telling you the news. That might have been true once, but now their main function is maximising engagement to sell advertising and make as much money as possible. Riling up the population is always the most efficient way to do that.

90% of fucked up shit in Britain is because we have a media landscape who can lie to promote their agendas and then face absolutely no consequences for that.

ditto politicians.

These book promo spam emails are a bit annoying aren't they.