@cristela.bsky.social
Stand-up comic. Sometimes I sit down. Got 2 specials on Netflix. Made TV history. I’m a yellow car. I wrote a book. Thrifter and vintagerererrrrrr. cristelaalonzo.com
OMG I LOVED IT. It’s soooooo great!
16.11.2025 22:47 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Stay tuned for tomorrow. Announcing cities tomorrow and tickets will be on sale this week too. And yes….I will be adding more cities.
Custom @lego minifig from their website. I ordered brown hair. For some reason it looks reddish in this pic? 🤷🏻♀️
Omg thank you!
29.08.2025 23:51 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
Hi! #UpperClassy will stream globally on @NetflixIsAJoke September 23!
Countdown starts now: 5 weeks.
I’m teaching my family (and myself) how to enjoy life…whether we like it or not. Truth is, the problem isn’t that you don’t work enough, it’s that you work too much. 🇲🇽❤️🇺🇸
It’s crazy that I have to announce an announcement but this algorithm is no joke. Ay nos vemos mañana.
19.08.2025 04:23 — 👍 47 🔁 1 💬 1 📌 0Those are great names 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
18.06.2025 23:43 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Thank you for coming to the taping!
18.06.2025 23:42 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
NEXT SHOWS: BREA, CA
Tickets on sale NOW! I’m coming to do THREE shows the Brea IMPROV in August. After that, I don’t have any shows in the books for a while. That’s it for stand-up for a bit…but only for a little bit.
GET TICKETS HERE: improv.com/brea/comic/c...
THE SMOKE! DO WE HAVE A POPE???!!!!
I think we have a new Pope!!! I just saw it live on TV and it made me so excited!!!!
Due to rising costs due to the tariffs, my thoughts and prayers will now be condensed to a high-five.
06.05.2025 16:35 — 👍 19 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0
THIS WEEKEND: PHOENIX!
Well technically, Chandler, AZ. Doing FOUR shows @micdropcomedychandler this weekend and I prepare to shoot my THIRD Netflix special in Dallas. SIX MORE WEEKS!
Tickets here: www.micdropcomedychandler.com/events/111762
I don't know what's more pathetic.
Trump not being able to stand that his polling numbers are in the crapper...or the people that thought he'd do a good job.
Everyone I mentioned does a good job of blaming everyone else for their own problems though.
Canada...you have an election to vote for tomorrow.
Learn from the mistakes that idiots made here and vote correctly.
Stop what you’re doing & listen to this!
28.04.2025 02:28 — 👍 8873 🔁 2520 💬 321 📌 98
Don’t act all surprised like you didn’t know what you were voting for…
28.04.2025 03:58 — 👍 21 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0I'm a @LAClippers fan. Became a season ticket holder in 2014. Didn't get season tickets this year because it's hard to have tickets to all the games when I'm on the road so much.
These playoffs have been really good so far but I think so far, our series against Nuggs is the best.
...but like I don't know why they waited SOOOO long to show that top angle...like just start with that one
27.04.2025 22:51 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0That Laker/Timbs game was intense as hell...AND THAT LAST CHALLENGE??? DUDE... THE AERIAL ANGLE WAS INSANE.
On the sides, you thought MAYBE it was LeBron...but from the top...it's ALL LeBron.
HOW DO I HAVE MY MOM AND GRANDMA’S NAMES TAKING CARE OF ME TODAY???? What a moment. I wish you all had seen my face when I realized it!!!! It’s a sign. I know it. I accept it. God is good. ❤️🤯
27.04.2025 18:52 — 👍 19 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I know!!!!!! Good one too!!
27.04.2025 18:50 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0AHHH! WALTER KOENIG IS IN THIS ONE TOO! Chekov! Star Trek adjacent episode! Woo woo 🖖
26.04.2025 17:17 — 👍 8 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0It's Saturday morning so I'm watching Columbo obviously. William Shatner is in this one. Someone in this episode did NOT live long and prosper though.
26.04.2025 17:16 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Great quote from @katiephang.bsky.social on her final MSNBC show. From a letter her dad wrote years ago:
Live each day so that you will neither be afraid of tomorrow nor ashamed of yesterday.
I just applied for Pope on Indeed!
22.04.2025 03:23 — 👍 37 🔁 3 💬 2 📌 0We didn't let Trump finish the sentence. He wanted to say, "Make America Great Depression Again!"
22.04.2025 00:28 — 👍 15 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0Hey @maddow.msnbc.com, I am Team Macho Whaddler
05.04.2025 01:23 — 👍 7 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Thank you for coming out to the show!
17.03.2025 22:03 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
NETFLIX TAPING: DALLAS, TEXAS. JUNE 14. THE MAJESTIC.
Tickets on sale THIS Wednesday (March 19 at 10 AM) for fans with the code: CLASSY
I started stand-up in Dallas in 2003 so when it was time to pick the location of the new special…I had to go back to where it all started.
THIS MONDAY! ESTE LUNES!
I’ve done Lower and Middle so let’s finish out the stand-up trilogy with UPPER CLASSY! it’s going to be 🔥🔥🔥🔥…and I mean that because im shooting it in the middle of summer lol.
THIS WEEKEND: SAN DIEGO!
Doing FIVE shows at Mic Drop Comedy Club! Prepping my hour that I’m shooting in June. Come check it out! Always love coming to the club! 😘
Tickets here: micdropcomedy.com/events/97840
