chris.

put all your sexy thoughts into the cloud now my friends when ai takes over we want it to know how to fuck

what do you mean "Spring Break" ??? put it back together, we fuckin NEED this

My favorite thing is validating the clearly unchecked fashion choices of small children in front of their exhausted parents. It's 90 degrees outside but you are rockin' those snow boots, Henry

They say the forlorn wind coming down the plains from Saskatchewan to San Antonio will, in time, drive a man crazy. For me it’s pantry moths

do not sit in the sun. remain at least ninety million miles away from it at all times

Now, a message from Rev. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof:

A young woman writes...

Dear Casey,

A reverend invited me to Vodka Shot Bingo 7p to floor. He told me I could be his "guest ball handler". I asked why a man of God would say such a thing. He said "Why ask why?".

God bless,

Kim in Ohio

Punching my mental health in the dick.

Death rattle maracas.

Nobody names their Tybalts "Mercutio" anymore and other format lectures that didn't get any likes this semester

The rustle through the trees, the voice inside the negative spaces.

Well that’s either a landscaping crew or some clandestine operation to unearth mammoth tusks from the permafrost

sending the chef audio of my farts after a fantastic meal

I’ll never learn how to spell diaherrea

NYPD really doesn’t like when you alternate calling their officers Bing and Bong

wait a second everyone lives happily ever after what kind of sick socialist fairy tale is this

[foreigner] i want to know what love iiiiis

[me] a falsehood a lie and it will hurt you

[foreigner] i want you to show meeee

[me] see that sack of mouldy potatoes over there kinda like that

Another day below an insufficiently scraped sky.

The nested voices speaking out of turn.

don't cha wish your gf was hotttt like me
don't cha wish your gf was lowkey afraid of microwaves like me

don't chaaaa

making a metal horse just to name it RoboClop

The room is teaming with hypotheticals, cover your vulnerable bits.

*types out post*
*anticipates replies*
*deletes post*

not today small weird door in my attic

“ah well, there’s your problem,” I confidently say as I point to myself

I was going to self immolate but gas prices are up, so the best I can do is stand behind this cardboard cutout of flames I made. I colored with crayons

If billionaires aren't happy with being taxed out of existence then they can be murdered out of existence. I'm really not fussed either way.

trying to slough off these multitudes by rubbing myself on a big rock

[dr. seuss voice]

looking high,
looking low,
where did all
of my fucks go?

they are not here,
they are not there,
there are no fucks left
anywhere!

when you drop a whole bag of m&m's it's the five day rule

you know what, go ahead and put in the newspaper that i got mad