Hmm. Gary actually liked the Pitch Perfect version better.
The local Sunday morning garden show just hasn’t been the same since host Paul Parent left us. Mildred would call in regularly from the outer Cape and ask him detailed questions about her burning bush
I figure I was approx 50% you friggin punk and 40% fuck yeah at that kid who passed me in a Dodge Charger yesterday. The other 10% was an REO Speedwagon song
Now to get through this day without my tiara.
god created us in his image, and I think that was the same day he created the perfect pumpkin and the fennec fox AND (because he was on a roll with creating perfect things), he created you as well
If I could, I’d give most of you an empanada.
This robot guy just keeps putting out banger after banger. The only problem is he can only sing about ones and zeroes and the occasional nut and/or bolt
Instead of putting the night to bed I got it all riled up, sugar, movies, toys, whatever it wanted. Now they tell me the night gets in trouble at school. I just wasn't ready.
Mom, mom, mom! I'd like a chicken nugget too, pretty please!
When via spiral staircases you climb back up to the fifth floor with all your cozy stuff and then realize you forgot your book light downstairs
If you're here for a rabies shot the line foams at the mouth, but seriously was there anything more ASMR than hands full of shaving cream just going mad
Are they still selling tickets for the good ship lollipop? I'm ready for a sweet trip to the candy shop.
I worked at a museum with an Irish thatcher named Peter Slevin. He’d sit on the ridge and hurl curses down at guests, much to their delight. Every day he’d have lunch at Maggie’s Pub. For years after he’d gone home, friends holding pies & other baked goods would come to look for him up on the roof
Like other seabirds, our dad abandoned us in the hollow of an exposed rock with nothing more than our wits and our gizzards to guide us
One of the best feelings is when a hyperfixation loses its hold on you and becomes a hyposeparation
Tomorrow it would be back below freezing, but today was spray paint weather! So Gary unleashed colorful hell upon all boring exterior decor.
Using the elevator method (moving spoon up and down gently) to cool my soup.
I'm horny for vanilla married sex. I don't have enough energy for that freaky shit.
Somehow, I ended up here while looking for a decent quality linseed oil-based glazing compound. The trauma dumping is a value-add
What if we imagined a very nice (an laden with some delightful foodstuffs) wicker pick-nick basket? It rests, on a skillfully woven blanket. A shapely and very attractive person looks up happily, seeing you. They move a thumb an forefinger upon a clasp, and the lid springs open.
I’m a princess in a snow globe
Telling my husband about how every Saturday on Bluesky is celebrated as Caturday and it always makes me want to get a cat. He pointedly looks at my little lap dog and reminds me she is like a cat. True. But someday when I'm not so busy, I hope to join the Caturday celebrations for real.
🤞😻🤞
*in line at the grocery store, i’m about to purchase every tub of flan in the store when i turn my head around 180 degrees like an owl & look at the person behind me*
it’s like my grandma always said, there would be no more wars if everyone just had some flan.
based on the high volume of feedback received we have decided to discontinue our latest feature "punching you in the face and stealing your wallet". we apologize to users who found this exciting new capability "criminal", "deceptive", or "i'm gonna make you eat your kneecaps asshole."
I've been using this everyday but it's given me a horrible rash down there 🫤
titled "Ravens on Reconnaissance," a painting by artist Liz Sivertson, commonly found at the Sivertson Gallery. The artwork features two ravens perched on branches against a colorful, dreamy forest background.
I woke up and walked out into the living room to this. Home life is beautiful. 🤍
Happy Friday to that guy
