welcome to the space xan

THEY WERE SO COMPLIMENTARY OF MY TECHNICAL EXERCISE!!

THEYRE MOVING ME ON TO THE FINAL ROUND OF INTERVIEWS *AND* THEY'RE ONLY MOVING "A FEW" (3?) ON *AND* THEY SAID THEY'RE CONSIDERING HIRING 2 PEOPLE INSTEAD OF JUST 1

I MAY ONLY NEED TO BE BEST 2 OF 3 I THINK I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i feel so fucking anxious. like it’s not critically bad but i am just so much more miserable than yesterday.

hoooooooooo boy i really hoped turning in my writing exercise for this interview would make me feel better and i can’t tell if it’s just the lack of sleep but

i feel sooooo much worse lol

please clap

also this job would permanently alter my life and immediately solve so much about ren & i's situation that we've been unable to solve for 6+ months soooo going overboard is. maybe slightly warranted

i may have spent. something like at least 4x as many hours than they estimated it'd take (though they did say "There is not a limit or requirement on the amount of time you spend") buttttttt also i think it kicks ass soooOOO

FINALLY SUBMITTED THE TECHNICAL EXERCISE FOR MY INTERVIEW THANK GOD

i've been coming to understand lately that if i don't regularly have a certain amount of specifically:
- highly-structured
- low-commitment
- large-group
socializing, i go completely fucking insane

i am so close to being done the writing exercise for this job interview and im so soooooooooo ready to not have it hanging over me

it is genuinely probably nothing but also it is because it has to be

been having an occasional persistent twitch in my right eye the last 2 days and just sort of choosing to pretend it's not there & can't possibly be important or mean anything because at this point new things are simply not allowed to go wrong

felt so consistently bad for a bit that i forgot what it felt like to crash

kind of embarrassing how much a literal 5th grader has been able to hurt me emotionally

incredibly awful class tonight that made me feel super fucking terrible about myself

man i really don’t want to be teaching anymore

so discombobulated today i swallowed my estradiol by accident instead of dissolving it sublingually. truly cannot remember the last time i made that mistake.

i’m so scared i’m gonna fuck up the work sample test for this interview. it’s so painfully open-ended.

i don’t want to have ibs anymore

ceiling leak in our living room, likely from the front porch roof. it truly never stops.

i need it it needs to happen

wish they existed in my industry

i need to get a full time job

i’m gonna fucking lose it

i need to know about this job i need to know about this job i need to know about this job i need to know about this job

sleepwalking

i need this job so fucking bad

parents offered to cover the difference between the cost of a similar used car to what i had and what insurance gave me & lucky & grateful & not in a position to say no but i am worried about when the strings will come out. still, a massive relief.

FINALLY NEGATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

i don’t know how i’m gonna get by for these 3 weeks